| #1 CaSsUrAi[23771] |
| sbproxy1.mystarhub.com.sg |
| My third first comment in five days. |
| #2 billybob[23772] |
| spider-to044.proxy.aol.com |
| my opinion must be heard |
| #3 -)CummingBurd(-[23773] |
| spider-wg032.proxy.aol.com |
| 3rd comment! i own you all! hahaha. ok ill shut up now. great story. couldve used some explicit action (if you know what i mean), and more deatials on the fighting. good entertainment, though |
| #4 - - HoLoCauSt - -[23776] |
| SNFCA020-0190.splitrock.net |
| my shoeda fell off gilbert.. my shoeda fell off |
| #5 [c]Latin[23779] |
| host-209-214-3-163.mia.bellsouth.net |
Uhm...dude, it was a good story and all...but a few things:
You said: "..."he said."..." and "...."I said."..." again and again, which was kinda weird.
Ending was kinda weird too...pretty non beliveable if you ask me...
anyways, If you could redo the story, make it about 2-3 pages longer...It would own. Shoulda gone on more about what happened at the first base...and shoulda had some more fighting with zerg forces...coulda mixed in some protoss...
My two cents --- [c]Latin a.k.a Latin{SC} a.k.a DamnSexyLatin a.k.a KryPtKeepER a.k.a Rabid_Korean :o |
| #6 Mogalin[23791] |
| cgowave-0-225.cgocable.net |
| I hear paragraphs are funky. |
| #7 <font color="black">Ghar</font>[23805] |
| modem38.pm3-1pool.directinter.net |
| Nice story but pretty unbelievable. Paragraph usage would have been cool and a lot more detail would make this story own. Good job but it definitely needs editing. |
| #8 Fallen[23813] |
| 63.196.41.198 |
| Use paragraphs damn it!~ Its too messy to read without 'em. |
| #9 (tff)~skullbattalion[23846] |
| hoproxy2.proxy.lucent.com |
| humans can survive a time without food. the need for water shood have made a bigger priority. paragraph, paragraph, paragraph!!! thats about it . oh and make longer more detailed, watch for more of a chance to tell the story not what the guy is saying. |
| #10 ZergGoneMad[23921] |
| ip117.easilink.com |
| I'm only 12, but thanks for the comments anyway |
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