| #1 ScreamStalker[50049] |
| slip-32-100-237-100.ca.us.prserv.net |
| 1st of course. |
| #2 Peons4Ever[50050] |
| d31-kt01-ktnr-pdi.attcanada.net |
YES, FINALLY MORE SCREAMSTALKER< KING OF FAN FIC, hehehee
1'st non author, time ti read |
| #3 Shepherd[50051] |
| cm-24-161-50-172.nycap.rr.com |
2nd nonauthor
Nice story. Descripitive FanFic.
Had me on the edges when you wrote about the assassin in campground. Made me think of Dark Templars. |
| #4 Peons4Ever[50052] |
| d31-kt01-ktnr-pdi.attcanada.net |
| yea, DT definately, i like it, more sc would be nice, but still, i like your writing style |
| #5 <font color=yellow>Protophobic</font>[50054] |
| cm-24-161-2-135.nycap.rr.com |
| <font color=yellow>First. |
| #6 BackStabingLiar[50058] |
| 63.239.42.130 |
i liked it a lot, some great ideas in there. What i liked most was the killer's white camoflage, too. Definitely like a DT. The only suggestion i can make has to do with the 1st person character. Since he is so badass with natural fighting abilities, and willing to risk everything for the military, and has this "death obsession," which i think is cool, and actually endearing, he needs to be less friendly to the reader. But this is just my opinion. Not because it is expected of someone with his outlook on death, but because i really believe that an experience such as the fighting sequence WOULD change him so, would give him this dark side, and would make him less tolerating of being and friendly as a narrator. This would have the reader far more pleased with him, in my opinion.
By the way, this is way better than what ive read of the narrative action style on this site, and i liked your story much. :P
Maybe all of what I've written here is wrong and you have a resolution in mind, for later in the story, which takes away his sense of "insanity," returning him to a "nice guy." But i dont know, it sounds like present tense with flashbacks, then it sounds like present while youre in the flashbacks. i just need to read the whole story :)
Good job!!!
BackStabingLiar |
| #7 probe[50060] |
| 242849hfc212.tampabay.rr.com |
| nice story, but i agree with BSL, somebody had an event happen to them like that isn't going to be all nice and shit when they're obsessed with life....heh. |
| #8 Marshhailstorm[50064] |
| haz69.kih.net |
| Do people BR just to make the First comment? |
| #9 Viper$[50069] |
| spider-tq012.proxy.aol.com |
<P ALIGN=center>GOSU!!
This story totally owns
This is the best fanfic I've ever read
I went back and read your other stories too
They were just as good
When I first started reading this I thought it was somehting like Limp's autobiography and I thought you were some kind of total psycho
Then I read the part w/the aliens and I quickly relized what was happening
I can't wait to read the rest of the story
You should write professionally
Backstabbingliar, he is probably one of those total psychotic people who no one realizes that he is insane until he kills someone
I think the assasine was a terran 'cause he it was before the terrans first met the Protoss and Zerg so they didn't even know that aliens existed
<P ALIGN=left><font size=20><font color="red">T</font><font color="blue">e</font><font color="white">r</font><font color="yellow">r</font><font color="green">a</font><font color="purple">n</font><font color="aqua">s</font> <font color="orange">o</font><font color="lime">w</font><font color="silver">n</font> |
| #10 Peons4Ever[50076] |
| d2-kt01-ktnr-pdi.attcanada.net |
yea, a terran ghost or something?
wanna tell us scream? |
| #11 The Asylum[50086] |
| ce-stjh-01-02-e0.cbl.nf.net |
| That was pretty cool, although the first part of it kind of freaked me out. Luckily for me, I knew the exact map you were describing the battle(or what part of the battle that was there) on. It's an ice map, 96x96 unusual 6-player island map where all 6 bases are on low ground. Great story though, especially the amount of description that is there. I'll be waiting for the next one. |
| #12 ScreamStalker[50088] |
| slip-32-100-239-79.ca.us.prserv.net |
Tell you...tell you...BAH! Where's the fun in that Sanders. Hehe, well I am glad most of you have liked in so far. Peon...hehe, I am no king man...like Duke or some pimp title like that, but I think .Praetor's gotta be king, though he uses big words. Me no like too big words. Thanks for all the comments so far. Hoping Chapter 2 will be done next week...or earlier.
<font color="olive"><b> ScreamStalker |
| #13 <font color="669999"><i>person</i></font>[50101] |
| 1Cust220.tnt2.lax1.da.uu.net |
<font color="669999">great new fanfic. i liked how you decribed the background of your character but i think you should give him a name(or maybe you did and i missed that part). keep up the good work.
person</i></font> |
| #14 <font color="669999"><i>person</i></font>[50102] |
| 1Cust220.tnt2.lax1.da.uu.net |
<font color="669999"><i>you might also want to make the size of your font smaller =)
person</i></font> |
| #15 <font color="669999"><i>person</i></font>[50103] |
| 1Cust220.tnt2.lax1.da.uu.net |
<font color="669999"><i>you might also want to make the size of your font smaller =)
person</i></font> |
| #16 Davy[50124] |
| ip746.bart1.ok.pub-ip.ionet.net |
The story was great but I just noticed one or two things that bothered me.
The transition to make it more starcraft-like was kind of abrupt. There wasn't much background as to what time period it was in either.
The story is awesome though! Don't change the font size! It makes it easier to read making it even more fun. |
| #17 probe[50125] |
| 242849hfc170.tampabay.rr.com |
| you also might want to stop spamming "=)" |
| #18 Limp_Bizkit666[50129] |
| whv-ca4c-206.rasserver.net |
yeah, the font was a little big for me...
the storyline was pretty cool, but it was too farfetched tho....
well, i understand that it is only a story, but still.. realism adds a lot to the ability to relate...
oh well... continue on.
dreamcontrol was funny tho. this is too gory. i LOVE it! =]
reminds me of Silence of the Lambs.. =]
byeya
p.s-if you want, i could write some VERY gory disgusting gag-inciting passaged for your fights and all. =] |
| #19 Belt[50132] |
| p111.netwood.net |
| GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
| #20 ScreamStalker[50160] |
| slip-32-100-238-30.ca.us.prserv.net |
I don't get why the font is real big. I didn't do anything to change it...and it looks like a normal 12 sized bold Times New Roman on my netscape system. But when I used my internet explorer system, the font was like sized 50. What's up with that? Would love to get some help Limp, email to:
phantasm85@hotmail.com
Davy-Nice criticism. Yeah, the transition was a little rough, but in the story I sort of explained that the main character's family still practiced the "old ways" or what would be today's customs. You know, by going camping and not following the news. Still, a good thought.
Thanks to everyone else's comments! Keep um up!
<font color="purple"><b>ScreamStalker |
#21  [50216] |
| as530011.infocom.com |
Heh, one thing you might wanna do is replace drefsab in my code with scream. That way your reports show up when you use the link, not mine... :P
Cheers,
Dref |
| #22 Limp_Bizkit666[50245] |
| 207.151.116.234 |
OMG, i'm stupid...
bleh bleh... why da hell did i use * instead of a &??
bleh bleh..
* <<<<<<<<<<<<<< & |
| #23 ScreamStalker[50265] |
| slip-32-100-236-34.ca.us.prserv.net |
| Thanks Dref. Yeah, I think what happened was I made the title h1, and typed <font> not </font>. But I previewed the report before I sent it and it was normal....I think my server was smoking dat laced crack again or something. |
| #24 ScreamStalker[50266] |
| slip-32-100-236-34.ca.us.prserv.net |
| and type font not /font. Faking html. |
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