| #1 UDon'tKnOwME[80465] |
| spider-tm042.proxy.aol.com |
| Ok, that was my br, and this is my first comment on my br. Give me some good ratings people. And some constructive criticism. Don't say that I suck really bad at this. (I wonder if Mark4 will rate this, he has kick ass reports) |
#2  [80467] |
| pm210.osg.net |
| 2 |
| #3 the()vermind[80468] |
| adsl-151-202-90-211.nyc.adsl.bellatlantic.net |
| Hi, I, the little known the()vermind, who has written one br, but has spent the last 2 weeks writing a new one, would like to comment on this fan fic of yours. Plainly speaking, you have to consult the book a bit more, already being in the 4th millenium seems inaccurate, even for starcraft. The chapters were way too short for my liking, but the premise is good. I don't know whether i should give this a rating or not. I don't even know if this is a good story or i just wasted my time. But, life is life, and you really can't do anything about it |
| #4 Eradicate~Me[80469] |
| spider-tj033.proxy.aol.com |
| haha |
| #5 Monty Pylon[80473] |
| gateway.Culinary.EDU |
Nice premise, bad form. The chapters are way to short and you are a bit jumpy. Your premise is good and you have several creative new characters. Your insertation of parenthesis and side comments are a bit distractive. You should consider expanding the first part to fully introdue the characters and form the first plot lines. I say continue onward and have fun with it. Also don't kiss ass so much. Saying "raters and commenters be gentle" is equal to saying "bend me over and shoot flames up my ass".
Damn the man, save the Empire!
Monty Pylon |
| #6 Forceguy[80475] |
| p3EE3C18E.dip.t-dialin.net |
You know, this premise looks like a ral short version of the Phoenix Legion Cronicles wich, as far a I can see from the writing, wont reach its greatness.
"He has now become completely corrupted by power and Mengskt's wishes to destroy his enemies. He is a bad person, but is a good leader. He is (the, forgot a word here m8) respected by the commanders of the Terran Army."
Look at this for reference: How doe the said emeror look? Id really like to know that. Also, I dont wanna be told explicitly that hes a nut, I wanna see it in his actions. He might not be important for the story, but dont wash over it like that. There are loads of other examples like this, if you continue descibe more. |
| #7 UDontKnOwME[80483] |
| spider-wm013.proxy.aol.com |
Ok, thanks guys. You are giving me a good idea of what I have done wrong. I know that I have kissed some ass... I know that I'm not the greatest person to write a fanfic. The only reason I called this a br is because I was rushed to write this and writing "br" was shorter. About kissing the raters ass, I know that it was wrong now, in the second episode, I won't. I know I deserve a low rating, but this is my first fanfic (if it makes you happy, ill call it that), I am not very experianced. And yes, this is a bit like the Pheonix legion Chronicles, but this fanfic is going to go off Auir very soon after the battle. Monty Pylon, I think i want to thank you a lot for giving me advise, (I AM NOT KISING UP THIS TIME) I really like your fanfics. And Overmind, I like your critcism as well.
T.T boy, ok then, give me a 2, I know this BR/fanfic sucked in the beginning.
Overmind, the only reason I am starting this so late is that for 1.) I don't have the book, and 2.)Im not really good at this yet.
Forceguy, thank you
Everyone who comments on this, thank you for helping me make this report better. I am going to finish this fanfic, and I am going to make this a hell of a lot better. But remember people, I am not very good at this yet, so don't judge me to fast. And one more thing before i stop, I am only 13 years old, so i am bound to screw up a lot. |
| #8 UDontKnOwME[80484] |
| spider-wm013.proxy.aol.com |
I am not trying to kiss up to anyone anymore, k?
Monty, that comment was funny |
| #9 UDontKnOwME[80485] |
| spider-wm013.proxy.aol.com |
| I WAS NOT TRYING TO KISS UP |
| #10 UDontKnOwME[80487] |
| spider-wm013.proxy.aol.com |
| This report musta really sucked, I am so depressed. I will do better next time |
| #11 Cearas[80490] |
| proxy-02.pe.iqnet.net.au |
| Common issue with new writers: You all care about ratings......dont! If even only one person likes your fan-fic it doesn't matter what little number you get for it. |
| #12 UDontKnOwME[80492] |
| spider-mtc-ti021.proxy.aol.com |
| ok Cearas, did anyone like this report? |
| #13 Raider[80499] |
| netgate.exeter.edu |
Concentrate on your writng style. Rather than just using the simplistic dialogue, work on setting the stage with dialogue taking part inside the story. Work on showing us the evironment in which the events transpire. For an example, look at shock's fanfic reports.
Raider |
| #14 Forceguy[80545] |
| p3EE3C034.dip.t-dialin.net |
Yee gawds, what did I smoke to deserve such spelling in my post??
UDKM: You basically said it. Ifya would like someone to read throu your fanfic before you post it Id be glad. I know full well how hard stuff like this. |
| #15 Stacrafty[80561] |
| cf3k-4.paradise.net.nz |
I like ur story.. ill say it again.. its easy to read..
thats what i like about it.
good story too
its not like its a damn shakespear of fanfics that u have to devote 100% of brain power to to read..
and who gives a fuck if ur a newbie or not... stop knocking urself.. be proud of ur work...
I look forward to the next chapters.. and then the next book.. and then the series of books.. and then the mini series... and then the motion picture.. yeah
|
| #16 UDontKnOwME[80562] |
| spider-wm033.proxy.aol.com |
| ok, thanks starcrafty |
| #17 UDontKnOwME[80563] |
| spider-wm033.proxy.aol.com |
| wtf??? |
| #18 Illgetdroped[80575] |
| dialup-209.246.99.173.NewYork2.Level3.net |
| looks good to me... latter on seems to get more interesting when the fight will start in aiur... gl |
#19  [80603] |
| proxy1-external.bremtn1.wa.home.com |
I don't know. Either I am really horrible at reading fan-fics, or I demand so much from them when I read them. This particular fic filled me with... nothing.
Kerrigan sends a Cerebrate to build from scratch an army on the Protoss homeworld? Come on. Even the slightest whiff of thier presence and they are toast. And I don't buy the "send a person on mineral duty" thing. It is the Protoss homeworld.
And then for shits and giggles the Terrans decide they need to attack the Protoss?
The Terrans and the Protoss had finally regained their foothold in the galaxy and escaped Kerrigan's dominance. Yet now they are bickering while she is still alive? I don't buy it. Or at least give me some more details and development to make this believable.
2
-Dr.Z |
| #20 UDontKnOwME[80612] |
| spider-ti042.proxy.aol.com |
| Ok Dr.Z, I get the picture on how bad i screwed up in this fanfic. But, doesn't it just sound like normal people to only think of what's going on at the current time than think about the future? And doesn't it make sense that a person would become made at the protoss for their continued arrogance. I know I screwed up in this fanfic, but I thought I got that part right... Anyway, thanks for the criticism Dr.Z. And, just for the record, all of your questions are answered later in the story Dr.Z. The mineral duty thing was just a joke and it was the only way I could get a sole protoss commander out to fight. And the reason they zerg/terran would not be screwed so quick is the fact that maybe the protoss commander is arrogant and thinks he can handle himself. O well, your the rater Dr.Z, and that fanfic did suck real bad... I just wanted to defend some of my story ideals... Thanks for commenting! |
| #21 UDontKnOwME[80614] |
| spider-we044.proxy.aol.com |
| *mad (I screwed up when I said "made") |
| #22 UDnotKnOwME[80651] |
| spider-wa053.proxy.aol.com |
just got a rating for this report... A 2! excuse me for one sec...
ansfhgshfvs,h!@#$%^&6365
ok, im better now. O well, I'll do better on the next one. I screwed myself over on this one :(, :(. (I am really sad if I have to do 2 unhappy smileys) |
Home
Forum
Starcraft Tournaments
