| #1 frost[119753] |
| 65.170.235.249.duracom.net |
| first |
| #2 vincible[119754] |
| 1Cust134.tnt17.sfo8.da.uu.net |
2nd, will read after I eat dinner.
The first two paragraphs looked good though :P |
| #3 Adhosive[119755] |
| c-24-131-209-214.mw.client2.attbi.com |
| 3rd BABY |
| #4 Adhosive[119756] |
| c-24-131-209-214.mw.client2.attbi.com |
Looks like u got a hitload of work for yourslef in all that writing
some adivce though:
be creative have an intro pic for your series, change the background color, make some exciting text, and don't get ahead of yourself during the story telling.
overall gj |
| #5 TheyAre[119762] |
| pa-gbg-ts-02-024-197-051-188.charterpa.net |
I wasn't getting ahead of myself anywhere (I think...) save for the little introduction... I enjoy constructive criticism but give me examples... like the exciting text I don't know where you mean by that in the story, its basically PvZ all through, all battle.
I would make an intro pic and change the background color, but I have a horrible history with BR.com and HTML. Anywhere else, I can use basic and some advanced HTML like I've been doing it for years (which I have). But when I enter the confines of BR.com, its like Superman and Kryptonite.
Anyway, I found one HTML and two grammar errors in my FanFic there. I hate myself for it :(. Hehe. |
| #6 marknkj[119763] |
| syr-66-67-98-241.twcny.rr.com |
| Not ahead of yourself? You've got two more books lined up and you've only just finished a chapter of one :/. |
| #7 vincible[119766] |
| 1Cust2.tnt17.sfo8.da.uu.net |
| Erm, I was going to post more but I'm getting kicked off the computer. Maybe later. |
| #8 adrenaling[119767] |
| CPE014100005949.cpe.net.cable.rogers.com |
| err, right. i didnt read it. and yes, i hate u cuz ur not .praetor or ckane. :( |
| #9 Metamucil[119769] |
| CPE014060001930.cpe.net.cable.rogers.com |
i liked it
very good, i await ur next installment |
| #10 Sexy^Orangutang[119771] |
| 12-234-99-99.client.attbi.com |
| i hate teh fanfic |
#11  [119778] |
| StCatherines-ppp109153.sympatico.ca |
awesome work. I especially liked the way you conveyed protoss telepathy.
You seem to got a lot of work cut out for you though ;). Oh well, whatever floats your boat. 8. |
| #12 [119779] |
| StCatherines-ppp109153.sympatico.ca |
| btw, the writing was good but could use a bit of simplification at times. Remember that the best writing conveys the most with the fewest words. |
| #13 fRoSt[119780] |
| 65.170.235.170.duracom.net |
| I enjoyed it.:) |
| #14 mattzarella[119781] |
| 93.116.26.24.cfl.rr.com |
dag is correct
don't use ten words when four will do
but, overall, a good fanfic as they come (considering most are less than fantastic) |
| #15 Redemption6[119782] |
| 209-6-250-32.c3-0.lex-ubr2.sbo-lex.ma.cable.rcn.com |
| I usually hate fanfics that aren't made by kane, praetor, or that monty pylon guy, but i have to say that this one was really good. |
| #16 non-imperatorP[119783] |
| h002078ccd7eb.ne.client2.attbi.com |
| An excellent piece of work! |
| #17 [119785] |
| pa-gbg-ts-03-024-197-052-034.charterpa.net |
| I had an excellent reply to your wonderful criticism, but it was over 1000 words. So... damn :(. Basically I'll try to simplify it more and weed out cliches, I don't make up new words in alien languages just to describe something (Calling the Zerglings the size of a large dog and insect-like) so you guys and I know what I'm talking about, and I try to portray Protoss as more emotional, saying their cold psionic masters who have no feelings is definitely wrong, play the Protoss Campaign in original and you'll see the Protoss display a wide range of emotions. |
| #18 TheyAre[119786] |
| pa-gbg-ts-04-024-197-053-061.charterpa.net |
| I also have 3 more chapters I could put up right now (hehe) but I'll just put up Chapter Two and wait for the others so I have a chance to finish Book One before I'm done posting what I have. |
| #19 Kane[119787] |
| 12-233-180-134.client.attbi.com |
| I DO NOT WRITE FANFICS. FUALL |
| #20 Kane[119788] |
| async4-2.remote.ualberta.ca |
| oh wait maybe i do.... |
| #21 Moonsprochet[119789] |
| ip68-10-167-61.hr.hr.cox.net |
| Fuck fics they suck ass and are so fuckin gay i get excited when i check site for new Br's and then get pissed off when they turn out to be a gay as story and not a BATTLE REPORT fuck fuck fuck i just wasted 3 min of my life writin this shit. |
| #22 Kane[119790] |
| 12-233-180-134.client.attbi.com |
#21 should be slapped for trying to imposter someone, and also for living in Canada
#22 has no life, who cares if 3 of it minutes are wasted |
| #23 Amoeba_Boy[119791] |
| spider-tm074.proxy.aol.com |
| Kane, what should we call your writing? |
| #24 Kane[119793] |
| 12-233-180-134.client.attbi.com |
Same thing you call everything else
"fiction" |
| #25 [119794] |
| St-Catherines-ppp112420.sympatico.ca |
| lol, people who visit that site aren't familiar with that term. |
| #26 striz[119795] |
| CPE00a0cc2d2b10.cpe.net.cable.rogers.com |
good job, liked it a lot. kept me reading, and that's what counts. gg, ty.
rofl @ Dag, Kane#23 (I'm from canada...) |
| #27 moonsprochet[119796] |
| ip68-10-167-61.hr.hr.cox.net |
| Fuck you kane fuck you to hell but i must agree that canada does blow |
| #28 Zeals~o~Valor[119797] |
| async1-16.remote.ualberta.ca |
| All i can say is that it was good, not great just good. |
| #29 Pr0be[119839] |
| 12-221-134-121.client.insightBB.com |
I liked it and I am looking forward to next chapter. But, you forgot the most importantest protoss unit.....(drum roll) .......
THE PROBE! The Probe is all-important, include in next plez. If it had a probe it woulda gotten 10 but no probe no 10
8.769 |
| #30 Zalbag[119878] |
| chi-tgn-gvs-vty139.as.wcom.net |
| Excellent. I definately liked how you portrayed Fenix, and the other Praetor guys. Release the others. gogo! |
| #31 vincible[119953] |
| 1Cust33.tnt17.sfo8.da.uu.net |
| You don't need to make up new words. Just say "as high as Fenix's waist" or something like that instead of "as tall as a Great Dane." |
| #32 Cpt._Insano[120033] |
| atpm3-4-30.enter.net |
| I think this is why i dont write fiction on this site.... people do nothing but critisize! I think the story was awsome... its not that often you get such a story about toss raping zerg... or do we? Either way this story was awsome .. the battle sences ruled. No complaints from me... yall could take a lesson and ease up and give this guy some credit |
#33  [120082] |
| 12-222-61-61.client.insightBB.com |
| hum de dum de dum... more formulaeic fan fic. I finally broke down and read it and honestly, there is nothing that jumps out at me here. I suppose this is going to be spammed all the way down the front page as I see chapter 1 and 2 already in the top 10... :( |
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