| #1 John[137046] |
| adsl-63-206-92-236.dsl.snfc21.pacbell.net |
| 1st! |
| #2 SiG.[137047] |
| adsl-35-3-18.bct.bellsouth.net |
The only girl I had ever loved besided those other ones
It's still quite rushed and why he suddenly got posessed by that rage is beyond me. I thought for a moment you'd have a twist in it, but then I thought again.
If you had made it take this kind of path:
|
| #3 SiG.[137048] |
| adsl-35-3-18.bct.bellsouth.net |
The car was still speeding up as the cliff's edge came into view.
"What the hell are you doing, Tony!?" Jen asked, her fear and bewilderment obvious on her face and in her voice.
"This is the only way, Jen. We will be together forever this way!" Tony replied, calmly.
"I WANT OUT RIGHT NOW! YOU DAMN SICKO! LET ME OUT OF THIS FUCKING CAR!!!! I HATE YOU!! I NEVER LOVED YOU TONY, LET ME OUT! THIS IS STUPID!"
Tony stopped the car, not so far away from the edge of the cliff, maybe a few meters. "This was the only way, Jen," He said, turning the car off and stepping out.
now im not sure if he'd kill himself over the fact that she didnt love him, and im sure i missed a few parts of the end, but i dont care and i just woke up.
|
| #4 LameJoker[137050] |
| pool-129-44-17-105.alb.east.verizon.net |
| omg HAHHAHAHAHAHAAAAA this is hilarious. sounds like Frankenstein, except the only thing similar is somebody strangles a girl. |
| #5 Convider[137054] |
| Toronto-HSE-ppp3663172.sympatico.ca |
| ... |
| #6 Andris[137055] |
| cache-ntc-ad01.proxy.aol.com |
| much better the the corny ass crappy ending to te crappy story the crappy writer wrote, who should die a crappy death. This ending is only Semi-crappy so good job |
| #7 jimmy[137073] |
| prx3.act.schools.net.au |
Yah. Much better ending. 6.0.
-NJ |
| #8 2Cautious[137095] |
| adsl-68-72-81-45.dsl.chcgil.ameritech.net |
IMHO, that was a perfectly good story. Sure, not the absolute best thing that I've ever read, but everything except for one would be that, eh? Anyway, I seriously hope the Admin. deletes this. There is no point on writing a "report" to flame someone else's story. Please stop posting spam like this here.
-9999999 * 10^99999999999 |
| #9 The Writer[137096] |
| cache-ra01.proxy.aol.com |
| I didn't flame him! I simply improved upon his bland, pointless story. He should thank me! |
| #10 Shadow D'Arc[137101] |
| cache-ra01.proxy.aol.com |
2C-Almost correct. And "Unless it's TIME" to your next to last sentence and all will be better.
Peace,
Shadow D'Arc |
| #11 TIME is not on YOUR SIDE[137108] |
| cache-ra01.proxy.aol.com |
| Hahahahahaha, I played you people like a set of spoons! Times back and I've come to be a good member of your society. Thankyou, thankyou. |
| #12 Nafarias[137113] |
| 216.169.198.9 |
| Well - we will see how long this survives... :) |
| #13 Andris[137129] |
| cache-ntc-ad01.proxy.aol.com |
| i was hoping time was dead, but unfortunately nothin works out for me, oh well glad i got a life |
| #14 2Cautious[137132] |
| adsl-68-72-98-28.dsl.chcgil.ameritech.net |
IMHO, that was a perfectly good story. Sure, not the absolute best thing that I've ever read, but everything except for one would be that, eh? Anyway, I seriously hope the Admin. deletes this. There is no point on writing a "report" to flame someone else's story. Please stop posting spam like this here Unless it's TIME.
-9999999 * 10^99999999999
That good? => |
| #15 TIME is not on YOUR SIDE[137133] |
| 130.94.107.155 |
| Once again, this is NOT a flame. Its merely an adjustment on a decent piece of writing. Ive talked to many people and they all agree, suicidal maniac = better ending than 2 lovers loving eachother forever w00t |
| #16 Black Falcon[137135] |
| dsl3-63-249-85-66.cruzio.com |
Hello all. Before you read my opinion let me tell you I only skimmed the story but read enough to write a decent comment. It was truly brilliant, but why did you have to go and flame that other story. I also think it would have been better If the protagonist drove the car off the road while listening to Radar Love by Golden Earing.
Something like this:
Iv'e been drivin' all night/hand's wet on the wheel/there's a voice in my... ...Red eyed love... |
| #17 Black Falcon[137136] |
| dsl3-63-249-85-66.cruzio.com |
Sorry, I didnt read the very end. I guess he does go over the edge. So much for Radar Love, which I'm listening to now.
Oh and I meant to say "radar love, not "red eyed love" above. Man, I must be tired. |
| #18 Lost[137145] |
| GAU42-06.labs.uidaho.edu |
A person who can only write using other people's ideas is not a writer. Also, you're not even good at what you do, which is attempt to improve upon other people's works using your sadly deficient skills.
If this is a cry for help, go somewhere else, the internet is not the place. If you just want some attention to feed your misplaced ego, try creating a unique work that actually showcases some amount of skill, instead of attempting to improve someone else's piece. The only brand of attention you deserve for this is the same attention that a particularly unique and interesting pile of garbage merits. |
| #19 TIME is not on YOUR SIDE[137149] |
| 209-234-160-70.gen.twtelecom.net |
LoL, did I strike a nerve, lost? Maybe you should get lost! I was merely providing help to such a poor writer. I dont want any merits for it. And I can assure you I am a writer, I have written many published short stories but I have the decency not to post them on a battlereports website.
If he doesnt want help with my exciting end to his story then so be it. But I provided it to him if he really wants it.
PS: You wouldnt know good and exciting writing if it bit you on the ass, so shove it big boy. |
| #20 Bladenewbie[137185] |
| tck1-222.interl.net |
This was immensely amusing.
"Please stop posting spam like this here Unless it's TIME." <-true that
|
| #21 SiX5532ONE[137225] |
| pcp03087365pcs.selrsv01.pa.comcast.net |
kind of funny, but disturbing on many levels.
not a flame, just saying....... |
| #22 SiX5532ONE[137226] |
| pcp03087365pcs.selrsv01.pa.comcast.net |
| I mean that story sucked, but damn... |
| #23 jimmy[137275] |
| 144.139.221.126 |
Bladenewbie, I second that
Dude, theres a lot of crap on this site to 'counter' the godly stuff such as ling and elated etc etc.
We gotta live to that fact.
-NJ |
| #24 Lost[137315] |
| GAU42-10.labs.uidaho.edu |
Actually your writing just sucks, and that's why it irritated me. You're a talentless hack with attention issues, and nothing more.
By the way, if you're going to try to refute the fact that you're just a pitiful attention junkie, keep in mind that everyone has seen your past posts, and the incessant crap expressed within them. An idiot by any other name is still an idiot, and therefore even though you seem to think of yourself as a helpful paragon of writing talent, you're nothing more than a attention-seeking moron with less skill than the person you're trying to correct.
|
| #25 TIME is not on YOUR SIDE[137317] |
| h0003932041c0.ne.client2.attbi.com |
| ya, Im a talentless moron with 4 published short stories, dont talk about what you dont know, k kid? My writing > yours and dont you forget it. The way you word your flames of me is pathetic, you shouldnt be critisizing peoples writing, kid. Sit, lost, sit. Good dog. |
| #26 Lost[137442] |
| GAU42-10.labs.uidaho.edu |
Basically you're expecting people to respect your writing because you have "four published short stories." However, you cannot in any way prove that you have, your writing absolutely sucks, and you don't exhibit any qualities that an accomplished writer does. For example, instead of capitalizing on the situation in this piece, and writing something that contained emotional subtlety and the irony that it deserved, you wrote a fifth grade screaming match with a predictable and poorly executed finale.
To sum what I'm saying up in words that you might be able to understand; you're so full of shit that even your posts stink. If you think you're fooling anyone but yourself concerning your writing prowess, you're deluded as well as moronic. Not only do you have little to no writing talent, but you don't even have the ability to realize that you are deficient, and therefore you tout your sadly lacking skills as superior. |
| #27 Lost[137443] |
| GAU42-10.labs.uidaho.edu |
| The good news is that judging from your last post, it appears that you have returned to the puddle of piss that spawned you, and resorted to the mindless flaming that you are known for. I applaud your change of heart, for even though your flames are as weak as your writing, at least you have the reputation to make them somewhat amusing. |
| #28 TIME is not on YOUR SIDE[137462] |
| 130.94.107.155 |
| Ignorance is bliss, eh lost? |
| #29 ScotTt[137716] |
| 128warp179.newtel.com |
There once was a loser named Time
Who was as sad as this attempted rhyme
He told Lost to 'sit'
Yet he couldn't write for shit
Who birthed him? For it truly was a crime.
-a poorly constructed lymerick consisting of a mixture of bad grammar and truth, by Me.
I know comments like these, directed to the aggressor, only give the pathetic loser the attention hes looking for, however I can't help but call down Time for his crude and meaningless writing and lame flames.
Lost, there's no need for Time to prove that he has written four short stories that have been published. Judging from his writing, I think any grade school teacher would be happy to publish writing of this skill in the class news paper. |
| #30 ScotTt[137717] |
| 128warp179.newtel.com |
| Time, your flames are meaningless and have no grounds. Lost's writing was efficient in displaying an excellent command of the english language and a profound distaste for your poor excuse for a peice of literature. He backed his convictions up with cold, hard fact, and all you could do was whimper petty retorts possesing little to no meaning. Your 'alternate ending' was shockingly uncalled for, and consists of the main character, or in the case of your alteration the protagonist, comitting a violent act against his girlfriend. This change from the actual story is under no circumstances humorous, and it fails utterly to bring any more meaning to the original plot, instead it takes from it. It also failed to flame the writer of "Catch Up to Break Up' in any way, as your writing simply pegged him as homicidal which he is clearly not. |
| #31 ScotTt[137718] |
| 128warp179.newtel.com |
If anything, this report proves that you're willing to waste time on a pointless endeavour (meaning you have no life) and that you'll do it under another account, claiming with cowardice the right to secrecy and to expose your identity when you see fit. Basically you've reinforced the fact that you're the base of the scum that has formed around this site.
I find the fact that you are attempting to manipulate the society of battlereports.com sad. I find the fact that you are failing absolutely depressing.
Bye,
Me
PS. Im tired |
| #32 TIME is not on YOUR SIDE[137741] |
| 209-234-160-37.gen.twtelecom.net |
| oh no I have no life! Stupid redneck. Anyone who uses that phrase "you have no life" deserves to be shot. If I am alive, then I "have a life". Jesus, what a stupid statement. Be shot plz. |
| #33 ScotTt[137825] |
| 128warp179.newtel.com |
| <immense amount of sarcasm> Nice recovery there, time. Truly amazing.</immense amount of sarcasm> |
| #34 jimmy[137911] |
| 144.139.221.145 |
Sheesh. This discussion is gay, just like TIME himself!
-NJ |
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