| #1 burningicecream[143347] |
| wc01.wlfdle.rnc.net.cable.rogers.com |
| yes i know it says 2 and3, but un fortanitly i have yet to write, part3 and i will start it tonight, for thoes who care, as for the human story, i will have to write that 2 now what would u rather me do first, part3 or the human story? |
| #2 Some_God[143349] |
| ool-18b8c7e0.dyn.optonline.net |
1st non-author... on a fan-fic... =(
Cheers,
~SG~ |
| #3 burningicecream[143350] |
| wc01.wlfdle.rnc.net.cable.rogers.com |
| gj lol. |
| #4 Convider[143351] |
| Toronto-HSE-ppp3660508.sympatico.ca |
Your writing is still pretty horrible... maybe getting a HUMAN proofreader...
Maybe try posting in the forums...
3.6 |
| #5 Mr.Puddles[143353] |
| 216.49.243-DSL-187.ckt.net |
| couldnt help but notice you over use of commas. plz stoppit!!!! |
| #6 Sabotage[143354] |
| pool-68-161-122-19.ny325.east.verizon.net |
| Work on part three please! |
| #7 EldritchEvil[143361] |
| nr11-216-196-185-26.fuse.net |
| If you can write that quickly, just post it in one thing. Please. |
| #8 EldritchEvil[143362] |
| nr11-216-196-185-26.fuse.net |
| Also, go and sue your school for breach of conduct, because it has failed you. |
| #9 burningicecream[143367] |
| wc01.wlfdle.rnc.net.cable.rogers.com |
how so EldrichEvil??
|
| #10 Pr0be[143369] |
| 12-221-209-32.client.insightBB.com |
| Your Vocab leaves a lot to be desired, and punctuation is sub-par. There is no suspense, who cares what happens next? Few details, just your average went here, did this. I just realized, is this set in War3? I couldn't tell, which may or may not be good. Keep it up though, the best way to write better is to write more until you get better. |
| #11 Pablo[143374] |
| sdn-ap-014caburbP0265.dialsprint.net |
| since when did that Some_God newb start using ~cattlebruiser~'s "Cheers, and ~CB~" routine? |
| #12 burningicecream[143375] |
| wc01.wlfdle.rnc.net.cable.rogers.com |
| thx probe your the only1 who has wrote anything decint |
| #13 Chris[143381] |
| astound-64-85-237-118.ca.astound.net |
These are the main things I have beef with.
1. Vocabulary.
2. Spelling.
3. Punctuation.
4. Lack of dialogue.
5. Not merged with the first one.
6. Indents.
All other things are minor, but they add up. |
| #14 burningicecream[143382] |
| wc01.wlfdle.rnc.net.cable.rogers.com |
um u just named everything..... oh well thanks for t he feedback.
|
| #15 ThePalisade[143389] |
| s33.dial1.pro.nac.net |
burningicecream, I'm going to try and keep this constructive. Your writing is terrible. You steal ideas from other sources and you have terrible grammar and punctuation. There is only one way to fix this problem. Read books. Lots of them. Come back when you can spell "un fortanitly" and we'll all take another look. Good luck.
-Angel |
| #16 Sabotage[143397] |
| pool-68-161-122-19.ny325.east.verizon.net |
Okay, said whats up before, and it wasn't exciting enough.
Like also said above, I don't want to read on. You have to keep the reader informed about the story, but also interested. Where will they go next? What will happen?
is what you want the reader to think when they're done.
I don't think BR guides will help you here, but read some of
l]agomar's, praetor. , and that other guy... oh yeah drefsab i think might have some fics. I would like you to keep writing, please. You will improve. One more thing, if you have microsoft word, spellcheck, then read the story out to yourself. If it gets boring, you know you have to change that part, so now, I leave you with that.
P.S. never let low comments bring you down! |
| #17 Triped[143398] |
| cf2.utc.com |
| do you want this guy to keep posting this shit? It's not as if people come here for "improved fanfics" much more than bad ones. |
| #18 Sabotage[143400] |
| pool-68-161-122-19.ny325.east.verizon.net |
Give him a chance to improve!
Its a lot like lotr, but then later he'll be more creative. Btw, make longer chapters, its too little for a single post. Save up like, 3 chapters in one. |
| #19 burningicecream[143415] |
| wc01.wlfdle.rnc.net.cable.rogers.com |
| thanks Sabotage for the great advice, and i wrote this in MSword and whenever i used spell cheak my computer would freeze, and i don't have a dictonary at my house, at the moment. |
| #20 burningicecream[143418] |
| wc01.wlfdle.rnc.net.cable.rogers.com |
triped, do u really think your opinon really maters to me? or to anyone for that matter, if you do your wrong.
|
| #21 Triped[143420] |
| cf2.utc.com |
| Burning Ice Cream, I *know* that my opinion matters to you. I *know* that you will keep in mind *all* of my helpful advice! I *know* that you are a sensible guy who just wants to make other Internet users happy. :) And the only way to do that is to listen to me. |
| #22 burningicecream[143423] |
| wc01.wlfdle.rnc.net.cable.rogers.com |
| then you are WRONG!! and ya i decided to try my hand and acturly post somthing, enstead of being one of those people who are here but you don't know/ ever see them. |
| #23 burningicecream[143424] |
| wc01.wlfdle.rnc.net.cable.rogers.com |
| although i am going to keep posting, because some people do appressiate my work, well sort of. |
| #24 teh sucks[143428] |
| authorized_proxy1.cogeco.net |
| I don't care how good a fanfic is, this is a battle report website, not a website for fanfics, if you want to post your fanfic, POST IT ON A FANFIC WEBSITE!! |
| #25 burningicecream[143431] |
| wc01.wlfdle.rnc.net.cable.rogers.com |
| name me 1 and i may go there. |
| #26 Pr0be[143432] |
| dpc6682009043.direcpc.com |
| I don't lurk, I post stuff. I have two gold reports! Two! |
| #27 burningicecream[143434] |
| wc01.wlfdle.rnc.net.cable.rogers.com |
| I know probe, I was talking about people, that never post anything, and you never hear from them at all. |
| #28 Triped[143436] |
| dsc05-chc-il-6-198.rasserver.net |
| shut the fuck up and go to fanfiction.net |
| #29 burningicecream[143441] |
| wc01.wlfdle.rnc.net.cable.rogers.com |
| someone like you Triped, thats right, your hear, but your not heard, get my drift, ya loser. |
| #30 [143443] |
| h24-69-212-237.cc.shawcable.net |
| I think, this, was, a good comedy,.,,,,,,,,,,,,, It, made me, laugh,,. |
| #31 Sabotage[143455] |
| pool-68-161-122-19.ny325.east.verizon.net |
| hahah. I think we should accept fanficition because there isn't much else to read/rate/comment. Give him a break, the writing hasn't defiled the slot that his br is in. I actually like it, but i would like even more to see him write more, and get better. |
| #32 burningicecream[143460] |
| wc01.wlfdle.rnc.net.cable.rogers.com |
| Sabotage, are you working on a new BR by any chance?? I really enjoyed your last one. |
| #33 burningicecream[143461] |
| wc01.wlfdle.rnc.net.cable.rogers.com |
| oh ya and i have a question, for some reason all my pics, that i take from the games. turn into media player files, anyone know ho i can change them back to pics. |
| #34 Chris[143463] |
| astound-64-85-237-118.ca.astound.net |
#25 burningicecream[143431]
wc01.wlfdle.rnc.net.cable.rogers.com
name me 1 and i may go there.
www.fanfiction.net |
| #35 minatour[143471] |
| kenn-dial-1-184.amerion.net |
| good first report intresting battles good job. |
| #36 trint[143472] |
| ip68-105-254-18.nc.hr.cox.net |
| -2 |
| #37 burningicecream[143474] |
| wc01.wlfdle.rnc.net.cable.rogers.com |
| thanks Minatour. amd trint what was so bad about it, i could use some positive feedback. |
| #38 burningicecream[143475] |
| wc01.wlfdle.rnc.net.cable.rogers.com |
yes and i am now veiwing Fanficion.net, and i'm going toi write chapter3 at a later date. as its summer, and i have 2 months to do it.
|
| #39 BlueRibbon[143478] |
| 65.167.44.104 |
#25 burningicecream[143431]
wc01.wlfdle.rnc.net.cable.rogers.com
name me 1 and i may go there.
> www.goatse.cx < |
| #40 Pr0be[143485] |
| dpc6682009026.direcpc.com |
| Minatour says that about every report. To change them into pics rename them whateveryouwantyourpictobenamed.jpg. The jpg thing is important. To open it use MS Paint or MS PhotoEditor. |
| #41 Sabotage[143488] |
| pool-68-161-122-19.ny325.east.verizon.net |
| what pics probe? |
| #42 Asmodues[143496] |
| roc-24-95-198-30.rochester.rr.com |
Speaking as someone who "lurks and never writes anything", I'd have to say; Don't judge us on morons like Triped. We may not contribute actual reports, but we are the fans that keep this site going. Without readers, all the reports in the world are worth nothing.
|
| #43 Triped[143498] |
| cf2.utc.com |
| what the fuck are you talking about, and why can't you spell your own name? |
| #44 Asmodues[143499] |
| roc-24-95-198-30.rochester.rr.com |
| What do you mean I can't spell my own name? This is how you spell Asmodues, Arch-Devil of the ninth plane of Hell in DND. Jeez. |
| #45 Asmodues[143500] |
| roc-24-95-198-30.rochester.rr.com |
"then you are WRONG!! and ya i decided to try my hand and acturly post somthing, enstead of being one of those people who are here but you don't know/ ever see them."
#22
|
| #46 burningicecream[143502] |
| wc01.wlfdle.rnc.net.cable.rogers.com |
| look i didn't mean to offened, you i know it is the readers that keep this site going, but i ment as in you guys are here, you guys read the reports, but don't post bearly anythig, and/or we never hear from you, so its kind of hard, to know your out there, if you don't post feedback, or anything. |
| #47 Triped[143503] |
| cf2.utc.com |
| i, like, coomas, and, misspillengs, two, |
| #48 Asmodues[143504] |
| roc-24-95-198-30.rochester.rr.com |
| burningicecream, I'm not going after you or your story. I think it's good this site's still got people who submit things. I'm going after Triped and all the flamers who have nothing better to do than insult reports they never have the guts to post themselves. |
| #49 Pr0be[143509] |
| dpc6682009018.direcpc.com |
| DIE STUPID COMMENTS SECTION DIE DIE DIE! |
| #50 Asmodues[143510] |
| 208.31.47.29 |
| Hehehe. Pr0be, do you agree with me that Triped's a moron? If so, send $5 to: 1874, "stupid moron", evergreen terrace, springfield. Your donations are appreciated. |
| #51 Triped[143512] |
| dsc07-chc-il-1-191.rasserver.net |
concept's been done, and it was poorly executed. don't try to be funny again.
and what I don't have the guts to do is spend several hours writing a story about a game for some strangers on the internet. especially internet strangers who can't recognize good and bad writing when they see it ;[ |
| #52 burningicecream[143513] |
| wc01.wlfdle.rnc.net.cable.rogers.com |
| tripid acturly u could not see good writing if it bit you in the ass. and its called doing it 4 fun, ya dumb ass. |
| #53 Triped[143514] |
| dsc07-chc-il-1-191.rasserver.net |
i get paid to write, actually
and there are so many better ways to have fun ;[ |
| #54 burningiceicream[143529] |
| wc01.wlfdle.rnc.net.cable.rogers.com |
| ya sure you do,now im talking about a storie, not a picture, you use crayons, to write . |
| #55 Triped[143537] |
| cf2.utc.com |
| let's try to keep at least a shred of truth to the "flames", ok? |
| #56 dre[143539] |
| 653467hfc131.tampabay.rr.com |
this is a sincere question and i would like a truthful answer.
is english your first language? |
| #57 Asmodues[143544] |
| 208.31.47.29 |
Flamers = stupid losers who try to bring people down to their level. That simple.
|
| #58 burningicecream[143559] |
| wc01.wlfdle.rnc.net.cable.rogers.com |
Dre and heres a sincere awnser: are u readdy for this?
BITE ME |
| #59 Triped[143561] |
| 0-1pool108-8.nas30.oakbrook1.il.us.da.qwest.net |
i flame you to keep you down at your own lower level
it's an elitist mindgame that you cannot win |
| #60 Keanu_Reaver[143641] |
| ip68-99-86-96.ph.ph.cox.net |
my god this is terrible...i decided to give you a chance and read a little bit of it...thinking maybe there would be some sort of little vestige of you actually having writing talent but...i was mistaken.
Seriously, stop writing, it's for your own good, take up another hobby, something you're good at....it will take you years and years to become even somewhat better than shitty, and thats only with hard intense practice/study.
Flamers dont make this site bad, it's people who try to uplift terrible writers that makes this site bad. him trying is not fucking good enough ok? he fucking sucks, and if he wants to write for fun, good, but we dont need to have it clog up the site. |
| #61 Chris[143679] |
| astound-64-85-237-118.ca.astound.net |
| Keanu is riiiiiiiiight. -.- |
| #62 Slotham[143726] |
| euryale.its.adfa.edu.au |
| Hey Cool! That effect you have all throughout your report is awesome! Could you tell me where you got the random insertion of commas program? I might use it in my next report; it's bound to get my rating above a nine! w00t! |
| #63 Slotham[143727] |
| euryale.its.adfa.edu.au |
| BurningIcecream, do you talk with the same punctuation as you write? If so, please add a .wav file at the start of your next "report", It'll be hella funny. It'll be like a 1960's Hollywood robot at story time. |
| #64 Slotham[143728] |
| euryale.its.adfa.edu.au |
| Do you have any younger brothers or sisters? Maybe for the third chapter you should plagiarize one of their kindergarten stories. It's bound to be a lot easier to read, have a lot more coherence and about 0.0001% of the commas. It would also have shitloads more chance of getting gold. |
| #65 Slotham[143729] |
| euryale.its.adfa.edu.au |
And your little spiels in the comments section! The only way I came to realize that this comments section was actually in English was the sanity provided by Triped.
For those who were also confused I am going to supply a translation from whatever twisted and bastardized version of English that BurningIceCream was using into conventional English.
un fortanitly = unfortunately
enstead = instead
appressiate = appreciate
amd = and (Not AMD Athlon)
toi = to
decint = decent
t he = the
offened = offend
ment = meant
anythig = anything
acturly = actually
tripid = Triped (notice the capitol "T")
storie = story
awnser = answer
And that's only in the comments section! |
| #66 Slotham[143730] |
| euryale.its.adfa.edu.au |
Notice how if we just take out the important pieces of BurningIceCream's name we get BIC? A bit of irony, bahahahahaha.
OMFG, I could go on all day. |
| #67 livingexception[143732] |
| pcp03797940pcs.wilmsc01.tn.comcast.net |
Wow.
Have you been holding that in for awhile?
le |
| #68 Slotham[143733] |
| euryale.its.adfa.edu.au |
| No, it was pure inspiration. Seriously, it just flowed. |
| #69 The Lycanthrope[143734] |
| euryale.its.adfa.edu.au |
| This page really is highly amusing. Keep spamming and flaming...it's good fun to gape at, and laugh. |
| #70 Dopey[143800] |
| pr-122-042.ains.net.au |
| Man, writing a fic like this encourages flaming, of a very degrading nature.. have you read your own story? and if so, did you throw up, have a seizure or cry afterwards? DONT DO IT AGAIN. |
| #71 Dopey[143801] |
| pr-122-042.ains.net.au |
| Ps. keanu you put it so well :).Your my hero , but i agree , do a starcraft BR :D, oh crap, my commas are, out , of , control, AAARRRRRrrrrgggghhhh. |
| #72 Triped[143803] |
| cf2.utc.com |
"of a very degrading nature"
hey buddy, writing a flame like that encourages flaming too |
| #73 Dopey[143881] |
| pr-122-042.ains.net.au |
| hey flaming a post like that deserves flaming too .. dont be so contradicting. |
| #74 Slotham[143883] |
| euryale.its.adfa.edu.au |
| Fight flame with flame, or something like that... |
| #75 Triped[143884] |
| cf2.utc.com |
| I'm not contradiction-free so long as you're stupid and I'm not. |
| #76 Triped[143885] |
| cf2.utc.com |
hah
I am contradiction-free. Except now I'm not. |
| #77 Dopey[143920] |
| pr-122-042.ains.net.au |
| lol |
| #78 Dopey[143921] |
| pr-122-042.ains.net.au |
| mind you , i did actually enjoy this after story posting a hell of a lot more than i enjoyed the actual story , which.. if it wasnt for the flaming , wouldnt have been possible. |
| #79 Slotham[143939] |
| euryale.its.adfa.edu.au |
| This report was inspiration to all flamers! We thank thee BurningIceCream! |
| #80 Drunken)Goose[143969] |
| dsc01-dav-oh-1-215.rasserver.net |
| I think it'd be great if burningicecream posted these nuggets of brown gold regularly. |
| #81 Slotham[143973] |
| euryale.its.adfa.edu.au |
| We can but hope. Where are you BIC?? |
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