| #1 SiX5532ONE[143890] |
| client-151-198-243-110.qdx-it.com |
| 1st |
| #2 corpus[143891] |
| 12.214.224.251 |
| for some reason my computer gives me a black on black text and background about a third of the way through. Other than that nicely done. |
| #3 SiX5532ONE[143892] |
| client-151-198-243-110.qdx-it.com |
Good report, game was OK - a little newbish in spots. Nice to read a report authored by someone who can speak fucking English.
You almost lost me with the ling wars in the beginning. That was a bit newbish, and for christ's sake, open links in blank window frames:
<a href="xyz" target="_blank"> |
| #4 lurker716[143893] |
| pcp04443100pcs.verona01.nj.comcast.net |
corpus: yeah, my computer does that too, when I open it up with mozilla. try using IE, it should work on that.
SiX5532ONE: How exactly did I "lose" you with the ling wars? Was the text unclear, the pictures meaningless, did the text not match up with the pictures? Also, I'm new to HTML, and I'm not quite sure what you mean by opening links in blank window frames. Do you mean when I did the mouseovers, I used <a href="#"> ? As for the game, well...yes it was newbish, but I couldn't find any other good games.
Thanks for the comments.
|
| #5 Convider[143894] |
| Toronto-HSE-ppp3661168.sympatico.ca |
please fix the text. I don't know why people with mozilla even do that.
Anyways, good report, and your photoshop skills easily defeat mine.
8. |
| #6 lurker716[143895] |
| pcp04443100pcs.verona01.nj.comcast.net |
i'd love to figure out how to fix the text, but I really don't know how to. I'm working on it right now.
"I don't know why people with mozilla even do that." Do what? It's simply that the text shows up black on black with mozilla, it's fine with IE. At least it's that way for me.
Anyway, thanks for the good rating convider. |
| #7 lurker716[143896] |
| pcp04443100pcs.verona01.nj.comcast.net |
| nvm. fixed the text. thank god for report center. the formatting is still a bit off when viewed with mozilla, but that doesn't really matter. wow im spamming my own comments section. |
| #8 Redemption6[143897] |
| 65-78-29-178.c3-0.lex-ubr3.sbo-lex.ma.cable.rcn.com |
Nice report,
more pics, less talk. Try to use past tense; and eliminate the repetitious "then I did this, and expanded here, and I said this, and I moved my zerglings to this, and I did I did I did blahblahba" more humor. thats it. |
| #9 dartmouth06[143898] |
| pcp01584002pcs.nrockv01.md.comcast.net |
| Not bad. |
| #10 Sabotage[143899] |
| pool-68-161-107-106.ny325.east.verizon.net |
Wow for a first this is great!
I like the photoshop you did, i know exactly the effects :) its good. Make more, bleh bleh. Keep going lurker716, you're off to a great start. |
| #11 Desert Demon[143900] |
| user-10lfaq0.cable.mindspring.com |
| I found the last rollover a bit annoying. The first were okay because they didnt take up as much room, but the last one I accidently rolled over and thought that I'd hit the scroll wheel by mistake, cuz the whole screen changed. |
| #12 lurker716[143902] |
| pcp04443100pcs.verona01.nj.comcast.net |
Redemption: Yeah, I do believe I went a little overboard on the detail =]
Thanks for the positive comments guys.
|
| #13 hmm[143903] |
| 0-1pool139-67.nas4.minneapolis1.mn.us.da.qwest.net |
Well, it's better to have more detail then less detail ^_^
Gj gj gj |
| #14 Sabotage[143904] |
| pool-68-161-107-106.ny325.east.verizon.net |
| Damn i wish my start was this good :( |
| #15 LurkerBurger7[143905] |
| ool-182e1a3b.dyn.optonline.net |
gj man. pretty much goin with what everyone else said.
keep it up
7.5
|
| #16 jcr2001[143906] |
| cache162.156ce.maxonline.com.sg |
for a first time, this was good. you need to brush up on ur writing, you repeat words quite alot...
6.5 |
| #17 LameJoker[143907] |
| pool-129-44-13-147.alb.east.verizon.net |
too much detail...hmmm I wish more reporters had that problem....
anyway, for a first report it was great, especially the writing. Any fool can use a pic editor, but the writing is what makes it stand out. You didnt really do anything special, (except for the prelude to the final battle) but the fact that the run-ons and fragments were kept to the bare minimum was VERY refreshing.
As for the losing ppl in the zergling wars, I know wat SiX means. there were just a few senteces in the beginning where it was just "an then I sent my lings here, an he sent his zerglings there, and they raped my lings, and I sent more to help ect ect". Obvioulsy thats not quite wat you said but it was a lil tedious. But its a rather minor complaint.
O ya one more complaint: dont say both ppl suck at beginning of the game hehehe
loved the quotes! =) |
| #18 Mr.Puddles[143908] |
| 216.49.243-DSL-187.ckt.net |
| Oh what is this? Black background and white text!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3. Even though i dont play BW much anymore this was pretty good. Just go with what everyone else says. |
| #19 JakobderLudner[143911] |
| 24-205-51-132.gln-eres.charterpipeline.net |
| Nice for a first time. I wish I started out this good. Pretty good detail and decent game choice. Nice pictures, and writing was okay, but you tended to repeat words (a problem I commonly have t.t). I'd give it an 8.0-8.5. |
| #20 livingexception[143914] |
| pcp03797940pcs.wilmsc01.tn.comcast.net |
The battle was decent, being better than what some folks have tried to submit. And I can certainly understand your rust.
I do, however, have two peeves. First, your use of color filters that made them light at the top and dark in the bottom seemed a bit odd in some pictures. Try to stick to ones like you did on the hatchery pictures where you had the heaven/hell alt text. Second, I don't believe it is appropriate to use "muta" to denote singular and plural forms of "mutalisk." Use "muta" for one and "mutas" for more than one.
Other than that, I really enjoyed reading your stuff. If you want to make some more, then I will want to read them.
le |
| #21 livingexcepton[143915] |
| pcp03797940pcs.wilmsc01.tn.comcast.net |
Oh, and Redemption brought up a point tht I would like to question: is it better to use present tense or past tense in a battle report? The battle happens in the past, but whenever I look at a replay I usually tend to write/think in present tense. Also, when talking about literature, it is appropriate to talk about it in the present tense.
Just a though.
le |
| #22 livingexception[143916] |
| pcp03797940pcs.wilmsc01.tn.comcast.net |
(I shall spam this comment section to death before it's all said and done!)
Also, taking from something else Redemption had to say, I don't think any good report requires jokes in order to be entertaining. He did include some funny quotes in his alt (or should I say title?) text, and I think that was enough comic relief for the report.
Ok I'll shut up now.
le |
#23  [143919] |
| 246-235.netfront.net |
wasn't the game supposed to be over in the middle of the report?
at least it seems like it the way you describe the battle.
"
Basically, all his shit is getting raped by my muta. Finally, reinforcement hydras drive off my muta. He morphs his hatchery back at the expansion, because it was killed during the attack.
.....
My air force flies off to attack his main, but on the way there they find a bunch of idle drones in the 6 o clock expansion.
"
Anyways. decent writing, decent battle abd tactics description. Could use better pictures since there are a lot of useless pix all around. |
| #24 Redemption6[143923] |
| 65-78-29-178.c3-0.lex-ubr3.sbo-lex.ma.cable.rcn.com |
No, lurker you misinterpreted my comment. I didn't critisize your overuse of detail (detail = good), I critisized your monotonous way of describing that detail. For example for some reason I remember this weird paragraph that went something like "Then his mutas attacked me, but I drove them off, then I attacked him, and he drove it off with hydra, then I went back, and he drove it off again..." and kinda that stuff over and over. I'm not exactly sure how to correct this, but perhaps you can avoid this type of writing by adding some more humor.
And it did seem like the exciting part of the game was over in the middle of it...but the game was still in itself decent.
Good report otherwise though. |
| #25 lurker716[143924] |
| pcp04443100pcs.verona01.nj.comcast.net |
Darn 1000 character limit.
FLS: "Basically, all his shit is getting raped by my muta" Definitely the part I'm most NOT proud of. This was one of the "must-fix" sentences that I never got around to. I was planning on putting a more, shall we say, eloquent phrase instead of one that involved "shit" getting "raped". There other were bits of writing in the BR that I know are in need of a re-write too.
The game basically being over in the middle of it was something I couldn't help. I simply have never played a game where the outcome was undecided until the very end. I thought this game was worthy of a BR, because when I was playing it, it seemed like a very close game to me. Also, when I viewed the replay, it turned out that Pepsi had control of most of the early game, and there was a bit of a turnaround and I took control of the map later. I hoped that this turnaround, however slight it might be, would be enough to make the BR more interesting than a one-sided stomp. |
| #26 [143925] |
| pcp04443100pcs.verona01.nj.comcast.net |
~continued for FLS~
I'm not quite sure what you mean by the useless pictures? I guess since all of the pictures featured mutalisks killing the same thing, it could get very boring indeed. Also, I admit that the mouse-over for the very first pic, showing a drone getting killed was over-doing things a bit. |
| #27 lurker716[143926] |
| pcp04443100pcs.verona01.nj.comcast.net |
| Everyone: Well, since I've had so many comments on the detail of this report, I guess I'd better explain why it turned out this way. While viewing the replay, I paused the game approximately every 3 seconds, looked around the whole map, viewing any changes, even the smallest drone movement, and took note of it. Thus, my notes were one huge jumbled heap of extreme detail. I'd planned to transcribe my notes into the BR, writing it in readable english and editing out unneccessary parts. As you can see, the latter was not done particularly well. As I continued re-reading and editing, I simply got bored of reading my own writing over and over again. I got burnt out on my own BR, and this caused me to submit the BR prematurely. |
| #28 lurker716[143927] |
| pcp04443100pcs.verona01.nj.comcast.net |
I would appreciate any tips on how to write better. I simply can't think of any way to spice up "My mutalisks killed his mutalisks. He sent more mutalisks".
As for pictures, that really can't be helped. I don't know how to do anything in photoshop, I just follow Zerg~Lings guide and hope for the best. I have a friend who does graphics, so maybe he'll help me out in the next BR.
Btw, what channel do you guys usually go to? When I used to visit this site, it was clan ~nohunters. But now it says that I'm not allowed in there. I'm thinking I can obs a good game between some of you guys and BR that. |
| #29 lurker716[143928] |
| pcp04443100pcs.verona01.nj.comcast.net |
Checklist for Next BR:
1) A tad less detail =]
2) Better battle description (instead of "his muta killed my muta")
3) More humour(not just in alt-text), interesting writing
4) More/Less pics? What do you guys think? This BR was actually gonna be AQD3 style w/ no pics believe it or not.
5) Better game.
Hrmm...I can't see much improvement in pictures, but I can definitely start to improve my writing with all the comments you guys have given me. I'm having my little brother proof-read it, if it can hold his 10-year-old attention span, I'm sure it'll be interesting enough =]
Thanks for the rating FLS. Everybody else, thanks for the comments. |
#30  [143929] |
| 129.142.195.30.ip.tele2adsl.dk |
Nice work lurker, very nostalgic ;)
I thought writing was very nice, a few golden lines in there that made me chuckle. I don't see any major problem with the amouont of details, I found it quite easy and fun to read.
About the pictures, nearly forgot i made that guide ;O I think I'll make it not-suck when i get the time tt.
Improving your pictures would mean fewer, but bigger pics in the collages. I did the same thing some reports ago, and it really makes them suck :/ Bigger pictures! Overview of battles instead of 4 lings in small pic there, 2 hydras in small pic there, etc.
Good job, have an 8 =) |
| #31 livingexception[143931] |
| pcp03797940pcs.wilmsc01.tn.comcast.net |
/me makes comment section bend over.
As for your writing, the only way to learn how to write better is to write more. :( Sucks huh? I will suggest this: Try to avoid saying the same word for the same object in any pair of sentences. This will make the writing more colorful and cure the monotony problem many young writers have.
Some synonyms for the word "zergling": ling, rat, hellhound, overgrown dog, mutated badger, and etc. Some of those seem to be kind of a stretch, but using words like those certainly will lift the darkness of monotony from your writing.
Your report will be as good as you make it. I know that people get burned out on stuff sometimes, but your reports will be as good as the effort you put into them. The best reports take long hours of work.
le |
| #32 lurker716[143932] |
| pcp04443100pcs.verona01.nj.comcast.net |
thanks a lot for the 8 zerg~ling =]. It's not showing up in my browser, but o well.
livingexception: thanks for all the advice. I'll be sure to try to incorporate what you said in my next BR. It's gonna be a while before the next one though, because I have an over-the-summer chem project that I haven't started.
|
| #33 Smeagol[143933] |
| dorset-ext.nt.tas.gov.au |
kewl, a starcraft report that dosent blow
nj man and write again soon!
and what everone else said ^_^
|
| #34 [143936] |
| 246-235.netfront.net |
omfg 1000 char limit killed my comment
anyways it was like this:
omfg 1000 char limit killed my comment
anyways it was like this:
instead of "my muta killed his muta, and he sent more mutas and killed mine" you can rephrase it to something like
"my mutas joined the battle at my natural expansion against his previously weakened ones and managed to destroy all of his by focus firing, dancing, and by superior armor upgrades. However, just when my flyers were resting after the confrontation, he sent 12 fresh mutalisks reinforcement and engaged my now tired defenders. Let's just say that my mutas joined their previously terminated foes within 2 seconds."
|
| #35 [143937] |
| 246-235.netfront.net |
continue....
Of course you don't want to over-do this if the battles were repetitive. You could say something like
"Not wanting to be creative, he employed the same tactics by assaulting my new expansion with 12 mutalisks while I sent mine to defend against him. The battle was similar to the previous ones where our forces destroyed each other until his/my [whatever unit/combo] reinforcements emerged victorious with only [whatever number of units] left in the field."
|
| #36 [143938] |
| 246-235.netfront.net |
continue...
if the same kind of battle happened over and over again
"We continued to attack each other's blood-shred expansions using mutalisks as the primary assaulting force, and [vary depends on the general outcome]"
[if it's even] the favor was switching between us during every mini battle. In another words I couldn't tell if the mutalisks hate me or him more by repetitively sending them to their doom 100 times without thinking a new way to attack.
[if it's to your/his favor] the favor is beginning to switch to my side as my mutalisk number is growing slowly but steadily while his is diminishing with every attack.
it's much less boring than "A killed B, so he sent C to kill A; then I send D to kill C, etc etc etc..." |
| #37 CMOT_dibbler[143940] |
| 194.151.4.99 |
| Liked the report. SC still rocks. Where did you get the alt-texts? |
| #38 [143942] |
| 129.142.195.30.ip.tele2adsl.dk |
Forgot to actually submit that rating tt.
Very wise words from glandmaster fls. |
| #39 livingexception[143945] |
| pcp03797940pcs.wilmsc01.tn.comcast.net |
Advice out the wazoo, dude. Of course, your br should be what you want it to be above all else. But all of this will certainly help you get there. And if you need a proofer, I'll be happy to get an inside peek at your next report. :)
I'm pegged as a grammar nazi now anyway because of an insipid comment I made a couple weeks ago 0.o
le |
| #40 ZeaL[143946] |
| cache-da01.proxy.aol.com |
| good overall report, but honestly, i found myself just skimming along at points and skipping paragraphs. Make your writing 'juicier' Other than that, great 1st report |
| #41 GeneralPatton[143956] |
| cache-ntc-aa01.proxy.aol.com |
Yay! A StarCraft report! AND it's well written? AND it has pretty pictures? AND it's ZvZ?! SWEET!
Uhh...not much to say. Great report. I'm glad someone knows how to use proper fucking english. I <3 you. |
| #42 CbK_Chris666[143976] |
| cache-da01.proxy.aol.com |
nice report. and anyone that interested in joining clan cbk, come to channel op cbk_
thx
im out |
| #43 IcE-Inforcer[143978] |
| Toronto-HSE-ppp3905643.sympatico.ca |
Hmm lots of potential here. The main problem was the pics, they were nice, but not informative. That mouse-over pic was just completely useless... reminds me of something I would do in my reports.
-IcE- |
| #44 GangstaIntellect[143993] |
| host-64-65-193-35.spr.choiceone.net |
| wut the fuck???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? why would u waste gas on muts. I would've murdered him with a mass hydra/lurker force (unless it was the orginal) then i would've tried my luck with a hydra/scor/crackling combo |
| #45 lurker716[143994] |
| pcp04443983pcs.verona01.nj.comcast.net |
Jeez. Now I'm confused. I thought the main problem was the writing. Now the pics are useless? asdf.
GangstaIntellect: I'm sorry my style of play was in any way different from yours. Please give me all of your build orders and strategies, so next time when I play a game, I will do exactly what you would have done, thereby pleasing you. k?
/me rolls eyes.
at least say what you would have done coherently. all the ? are unncessary and wtf is "scor"? scourge? and i went muta because i felt that all the bridges on the map would hinder land troops movement, and muta's have good mobility, and I can harass with them. besides, it's the only unit my newb self can use correctly so cut me some slack here. |
| #46 Blaze[144012] |
| proxy.edb.com.34.110.153.in-addr.arpa |
mutaling > zvz
Pretty pictures, great to see a sc report again:) |
| #47 Resist[144039] |
| 204.60.18.129 |
| Hey i suck at sc/bw and play war3 but this was the gold report at top so i read it neway :p. Not too bad, got kinda long and repetitive towards the end but mayb that was just the game or mayb thats just sc neway. |
| #48 IcE-Inforcer[144051] |
| Toronto-HSE-ppp3905655.sympatico.ca |
Gangsta, hydra in zvz? Are you delirious? Everyone knows muta/scourge/ling is the best thing to do. Every pro zvz replay demonstrates this.. the player who can muta/ling better wins, plain and simple.
-IcE- |
| #49 wildcherrypepsi[144083] |
| 1Cust163.tnt2.newark.nj.da.uu.net |
congrats on ur very 1337 br jimmy!
now everyone knows how much of a loser i am! |
| #50 Sabotage[144099] |
| pool-68-161-53-191.ny325.east.verizon.net |
| huh? wheres jimmy? |
| #51 lurker716[144110] |
| pcp04439209pcs.verona01.nj.comcast.net |
| jimmy would be my real name, lurker716 is just my super-hero name. thanks for giving away my name, MIKE! |
| #52 iNsOm[144259] |
| c-67-168-91-142.client.comcast.net |
| the first part...wasn't an introduction...but the part where you said, it's better to start reading here, well that part...was the introduction...now to read the actual br |
| #53 iNsOm[144260] |
| c-67-168-91-142.client.comcast.net |
| oh wait a second, the part where you said hell, just so straight to here, i think that was the introduction... |
| #54 iNsOm[144262] |
| c-67-168-91-142.client.comcast.net |
| yeah actually it was pretty good, i especially liked all the detail that went into it(2 zerglings down the right and 6 down the left)...as you learn to be a better player that will make your reports much better. |
| #55 BlueRiBBon[144947] |
| 65.167.44.55 |
Jesus your use less space then
me, and I try ferociously to ma-
ke sure that my pictures dont
make people have to scroll over. |
| #56 rigbieys[145262] |
| bbcache-13.singnet.com.sg |
| You must follow in Breeze's footsteps. |
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