"but see, i'm not a nerd."
- WarLeaderJustin.
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| Aye Maties! | | | Author: | | | IP: | pool0195XXXX | | Date: | 01/22/00 12:01 | | Game Type: | Other | | Labels: | Famous Reporter(1), Rare game(1), Old Classic(1), Funny(1) | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 2, Max: 8, Min: 8
Lifetime Rating for Johnny_Vegas: 8.4483 |  |
Vegas the Pirate Plague!
Its been a hard life mates... I've had to scrape for every piece o bread, swallow o wine I could find in this world.
A sailor's life aint easy. I can tell ya that much at least. The only real friend I have is a dog I call Praetor and a parrot that goes by the name of Whoop, because it always makes that sound fer some reason that I can't figur.
A quite busty and spirited lass with long auburn hair was exchanging "pleasantries" with me outside on a grassy hilltop under the stars. Good lord that woman kisses sloppy I thought to myself! I awoke to my mongrel dog Praetor licking my face and awakening me from my mid day slumber. Damn that mutt.. aaarrrr!
I made my way to town to board the ship I was currently hired on. A fine sloop it was, as sloop's go. The captain had named it "Your Role Model" and was very proud of his ship. He once threw a man to the sharks because he dropped some pipe ashes onto a section of the deck. My parrot Whoop still brings that up... "Get off Your Role Model you mangy sea dog! WHoop! Whoop!". In fact the parrot brings up that story too many times for my liking.. usually when I am hung over after a night of hard whiskey and hard tac. But you can't ever get mad and yell at that bird, or he'll talk your ear off, and if he doesn't talk it off he'll try and bite it off with that deadly beak of his.
The men were grumbling when I got to the ship. They were unhappy that the captain didn't have enough loot to pay their wages. I was sitting their minding my own business when Whoop yelps out "Vegas can find you loot! Whoop! whoop!". So naturally the crew started to turn their greedy eyes towards me. A rather large and smelly sailor stepped in front of the pack of men. "I say Vegas and the captain have a duel! The winner must have the guts to find us some good old english gold!"
"HERE HERE!!" cried the crew.
The next thing I know I'm fightin' the captain with my trusty spanish steel rapier. The clang of metal wrang out as me and the captain battled back and forth for many minutes. Each of us was skilled in fencing and I could do all I could to block the wily old man's deadly thrusts. Finally the captain dropped his cutlass and fell to the ground. My faithful dog Praetor had bowled him over knocking his feet out from under him. Seizing the opportunity I put my rapier to the captain's throat and demanded he surrender. He did, and the men bound his hands and tossed him into the ocean laughing like a bunch of fools and yelling taunts at him. "I bet ya wish ya woulda found us some gold, you old sea dog!" cried one man. The captain was doing a decent job treading water but was soon lost from sight.
The next day we happened upon a spanish ship. Most of us were english and since we were technically at war with the spanish we could attack her with no fear of persecution.
"Cap'n Vegas! Off the starboard keel! It seems ta be a Spanish Barque captain!"
"Men, I want you to sink that ship like no other.." I bellowed. The crew scurried about loading the cannon and hoisting the rigging. Their efforts had sent us on a course designed to fire some passing shots as we sailed by the enemy vessel.
"Captain! I know that ship! That's the notorious pirate Major Ramierz! Deadliest man of the sea!". The crew went quiet as I saw the fear reflected in their faces.
My first mate old Jaquez Mark4 stood up and bellowed at the crew with a fevered pitch.
"Do you mutt's know what kind of reward we could fetch for catchin that one? Grow some balls men, we fight on this day!"
With renewed vigor my men prepared for battle. Realizing that we would be outgunned we decided to try and board ship. We took a few cannon shot into the sails, and lost a few sailors but soon we had boarded the ship and everything turned into chaos as men leaped and parried, and slashed and died.. oh yes.. many died that day.
I found myself in one on one combat with Major Ramirez himself! My dog would not save me this time.. as he was still on Your Role Model barking vehemently across the rails.
"DIE!!!" screamed Ramirez as he lunged for me with a dagger he had hidden in his boot. Seconds before the blade ended my life I heard a flash of light and clang of metal. Someone had thrown a cutlass and deflected the deadly blade! Glancing over there stood Jaquez Mark4 with a toothless smile and a glint in his eye. The old sea dog had saved me. Not wasting a second I kicked Ramirez hard with my boot knocking him over. I leapt upon him like a wild animal dropping my rapier and punching and thrashing as we rolled around the deck with the ring of steel sounding around us.
The ship was burning, likely a cannon misfired causing the ship to catch fire. Finally I had gained an advantage retrieving my rapier. Rameriz cried out "Please we surrender! I've had enough, and now my ship will burn and sink, give me refuge I plead!"
I thought it over, and decided to accept the surrender. Quickly we loaded what cargo we could onto Your Role Model and set sail once again prisoners in tow. Major Ramirez will fetch a fine reward indeed I thought to myself.
I turned and looked at my forty crew members. "I think we'll head on over to Margaritaville, then follow it up with a cheese burger in Paradise. What do you think men?". "AYEEE!!!" they cried.
We sailed off into the sunset with smiles on our faces.
-FIN
[Author's note]-This story was based off the old PC game called "Pirates!". I recently downloaded this fine game off the internet. Try it out, its only 350K!
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