"so you just mindlessly macro? fine. let the ignorant feed on their own putrid filth."
-Sp|ne
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| Elephant Parts: Part Zero | | | Author: | | | IP: | 209-239-XXXX | | Date: | 04/05/00 06:04 | | Game Type: | Starcraft | | Labels: | none | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 2, Max: 7, Min: 6
Lifetime Rating for DivvyO: 7.7143 |   |
ELEPHANT PARTS
Part Zero: The Prolouge
AKA The Stuff That Happens Before the Hopefully Cooler Stuff.
One day, I was trodding along the b.net public games, when I came across something that caught my eye. Something that reminded me of my childhood, my younger years, the things that , if I was given another shot at doing, I'd do again, but sooner.
I saw a comp stomp game being started. But this wasn't any comp stomp game. It was one on Blood Bath. Not Hunters, not Big Game Hunters, not even $$$$$$ULTRA-PSYCHO-MEGA-MUCHO-GIGA-GAME HUNTERS BY LAWYERS OF DEATH GUILD$$$$$$, but Blood Bath. Back in the day, when Starcraft was fresh and new, people played comp stomp games. I was one of those people, as well as a few of my childhood friends. We wasted hours upon hours going around bitch-slapping the lonely, stupid computer opponent until it cried like the little sissy it is. And we had fun doing it.
But times change, people mature. Ladder games started to be played, and the long lost comp stoms of old were forgotten. Until now.
The touchy sports-fanatic known as Raider_Hater was running a 3vs1 comp stomp entitled ... "3vs1 comp rush". I did not question the originality of this game name, nor did ~bender', the other player in this game.
After all three of us were in, Raider selected Zerg, then selected Terran for the computer (it still isn't that good at making decisions on its own), and we were off.
I didn't notice some key things about this match during the pre-game, however:
1) Raider and bendy were both surprisingly silent. Not even a "gl" or anything. I think they have a grudge against their computer opponent, and are seething way too much to talk.
2) I had to download Blood Bath. Keep in mind Blood Bath is one of those maps that are includded with Starcraft upon purchase, along with Hunters, Temple, Dire, and about 120 others that I'm not mentioning because they're unpopualr and nobody cares about them anyways. Honest.
So I was in for a bit of a surprise when I came in and saw this:
That's right boys and girls, 4 vespene geysers, 28 mineral patches. To top it off, most of the minerals you can't even touch, because they are blocked by approximately 50 billion other minerals.
Here's the start spots:
DivvyO (myself) randomed to Zerg at the top right.
Raider_Hater (Raider) chose Zerg at the top left.
~bender' (Bender or Bendy) randomed to Protoss at the bottom right.
Our gosu* opponent (computer) chose Terran at the bottom left.
*TIP: Use the word "gosu" in a BR and automatically get a ... uh ... 3. Or worse. Or better.
EARLY GAME
Vision was shared, and build orders were revealed.
Raider seemed to be going for some sort of sick 10ish pool, where he built an OL at 9, and started a pool by the time most people would probably be getting Greater Spires.
Bendy was trying a new, revolutionary method, where he would only use 4 probes, and upgrade the hell out of them. This was demonstrated by not building a single probe, until he had enough for a pylon, and then enough for a forge.
Meanwhile, I was going for triple hatch lings. The exact build order goes as follows ...
drone, drone drone, more drones, and OL when you're 2 support away from the max, more drones, still more drones, hatch at 250 mins (save the extra 50 when you hit 250), pool, drones drones drones drones, one more hatch, and OLs+lings until you decide to do something else.
TIP: When playing a comp stomp game, especially one that says "rush" in the title, remember those build orders. They can make or break you.
MID GAME(?)
I would have included screen shots of this fine, foxy BO, but was too busy paying attention to our good friend Bendy, who sent in a lone probe to scout our evil opponent. After scouting, the probe decided to leave a warp gate right next to the comp's mineral line, which turned into a giant piece of floating rock candy... I wonder if the computer would notice that it's there.
Yup.
Note Raider's overlord, which he probably placed there just in case the computer decides to wraith rush.
In fact, Bendy's poor probe never got the chance to build a single cannon. Evil marines that were freshly trained from the computer's two barracks took care of that probe and his friendly pylon in the same manner two highly trained soldiers of war would, namely by taking potshots at it for about ten minutes until it eventually explodes. Bendy's other 3 probes decided to get high and warp in ... well ... nothing, because Bendy had no money (3 probes don't exactly mine the daylights out of 28 mineral patches. They don't even do all that great on 4).
Raider noticed his friend's probe's death, and decided to do something about it. That's right, it's the dreaded 6 ling attack vs. Terran. And it did good, too. Well, good if you think 6 zerglings losing to 2 marines is GOOD, but I don't know what you kids like out there.
So there we were, Raider and the computer both had viable economies and no military units, and Bendy was probably alt-tabbed out of SC and downloading porn, since we never heard from him again. Then began the coup d'etat (d'etat? detat? de'tat? ah, who cares).
LATE GAME(?)
Back in the day, one of the most famed moves in comp stomps is the backstab. Boy, were these two open for it. I had three hatcheries, they had about as many buildings as Gorman, California (a city we should all visit, even if all it has for you tourist-y folks is a gas station, Carl's Jr., motel, and freeway entrance).
Should I be nice? Should I spare these two the utter agony and pain of quietly seething at me instead of quietly seething at the computer?
Nah.
END GAME (thank God)
Raider and Bendy put up a fight, but in the end, they got hosed. And they got hosed hard. Which allows us all to learn from their mistakes, like:
- Build probes.
- If your partner has built 3 hatches and massing lings while you rush the comp, chances are he is not allied with you.
- "Lawyers of Death" would be a wicked clan name.
- Don't hate the Raiders. Sure, they've moved, and kinda stink, and have an unoriginal color scheme (black and gray, pshaw!), but that doesn't mean they're needing to be hated. Hate something that deserves hating, like Hitler, or Saddam, or maybe Carson Daly.
Then there are some of you that ask why this is part zero of an unknown part-ed quest? Are you going after comp stompers? Have you had any sexual relations with Raider? What's your deal, anyways? Wait and see, gentle reader. Not all these reports are about comp stomps, but this one fight got me one step loser to (insert choir music) playing on the ladder, where the series' plotline will be revealed.
This has been a DivvyO production. Comments are certainly appreciated. And the first guy that comments without reading this report in its entirety is a smelly, hairy, off-colored rectal wart on the ass of Newt Gingrich.
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