"Suddenly, I felt something, something odd. I could win this game! Maybe..."
- Anderkryst
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| 2v2 Cornell - TA vs JC - Match 1 | | | Author: | | | IP: | px2cl.gvXXXX | | Date: | 05/27/00 03:05 | | Game Type: | Starcraft | | Labels: | none | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 2, Max: 9, Min: 9
Lifetime Rating for CynicalMagician: 8.7556 |  | A robed man stands at the front of the chapel and begins to chant slowly, with a pulsing rhythm.
His sleight of hand is rather bland,
His mystic charms do no harm,
Magic spells? But horrid smells.
And of the man? Nearly swell.
Foreign to logic, a drunk patrician,
Here he is, Cynical Magician!
A puff of smoke and a blaze of glory erupts from center stage, and there he stands, the great one himself. Yay ::nobody::! And at the other podium, dressed in a crushed velvet suit, is the elephant man of the BR world, the Cynical Magician.
"Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the next round of the 2v2 Cornell tournament. After beating Team Jungle Grooves, the Tarsonis Academy is here, ready to face their next opponents, who are fresh from conquering some other team, Jona Crew!
"I'll take a moment to introduce our players, and then we'll get on with the show, after Sporff opens for us.
"[TA]Ramius. What can you say. A great zerg player, and an upgrade whore. He micros with the best of them, and macros with the biggest. Trouble follows Ramius like a bad smell, because he's always starting something.
"His partner is [TA]SlayerJu. He has a sense of casualty, and prefers to go for surgical strikes, attacking with deft precision and frightening accuracy. He has played protoss in all these games.
"And who is the Tarsonis Academy up against? We've got a couple players that I haven't seen play before, so I don't know what to say about them. However, they seem to be of the SC school of thought that jacks around lots in the channel, concealing their awesome skills. JonaMom[JC] and JonaGoo[JC] randomly chat with other players, and keep up some entertaining banter. But who really lies behind these jovial masks? Ladies and gentlemen, we are about to find out.
"But first, lets see the opening show from Sporff. (Editor's Note: This is another image heavy report. You've been warned.)
Welcome to the next exciting installment with the Stellar Superstar, Spaceman Sporff! We last left our hero just as he stepped out of his downed spaceship, about to traverse the length of the canyon seeking refuge in the crystal cavern belonging to Princess Majung. However, somewhere out there is a Bligornian hunter-killer fighter, scanning the surface for Sporff. How will Sporff's mission resolve? Trek on dear reader, and brave the second episode of the Continuing Adventures of Spaceman Sporff!!
Sporff gazes through the viser on his helmet, and takes in his surroundings. Tall brown canyon walls stretch a seeming infinite height above him on either side, seperated by a mere 200 meters. Misty clouds of strange purplish haze hang in the air, and pteradactyl-esque creatures lazily drift on the hot air currents far above. Sporff looks ahead towards his destination, and can hardly see the end of the canyon. It will be a long walk, but defying danger is our hero's forte. The defiance of danger is made significantly easier by the apparent lack of gravity though, as Sporff has soon mastered the art of taking 4 meter strides.
But wait! What is that up in the distance? Something metallic? Could it be the Bligornians? Impossible, Sporff would have seen them touch down long ago. But if it's not the Bligornians, who, or what could it be? Eager to learn the answers to these pressing questions, Sporff pushes on harder, and soon comes to a barren cliff wall, marred only by a cigar shaped spacecraft jutting out of the cliffside near the ground. Apparently the pilot had found himself in a situation similar to Sporff's, but did not possess the same ability not to die as Sporff.
But there is more to this craft than a broken dream. Sporff looks closer, and recognizes the construction design as something from a star system far away. What was a Werecat Fighter doing this far away from the center of the galaxy? Intrigued, Sporff looks into what was left of the cockpit, and after being momentarily shocked, takes in a new piece of information. In the cockpit are the remains of a Goron exoskeleton, a robotic race manufactured as footsoldiers. The interesting thing about this was that the Goron's usually used their own designs for spacecraft, rather than outside contractors. This must have been a rebellious cyborg. But why would he come to this corner of the galaxy, X16? Sporff realized that there was only one person here that would be able to help him with this, and coincidentally enough, he was already on his way to her underground lair.
Sporff's mind is kept busy reasoning through this strange twist of events, and so he does not see the two Bligornian troopers until they are almost upon him. Biologically engineered horrors, the Bligornians resemble humans in shape, but that is where the similarities cease. Dark grey carapace cover the beings, and wickedly sharp spikes known as impalers cruelly jut from shoulders, elbows, knees and their talon like heels. As if that is not enough, the Bligornians are armed to the teeth with lasers and other assorted lethal contraptions.
Sporff lets his combat training take over, and ducks behind a rock to draw his blaster launcher. He is rewarded with a satisfying ca-chunk as he loads a shell, and he leans around the edge of the rock to see where his assailants have gone. He sees one crouched near the ground assembling a large rocket launcher. Where is the other freak show though?
With a dull hissing sound and a purr of satisfaction, the second shock trooper descends from the top of the boulder Sporff is hiding behind, administering a blow to Sporff's back. Zounds!! Sporff recovers quickly and rolls over at the speed of light while drawing his vibro-blade. He lashes out with this, and gouges his opponent's left thigh. Green blood begins to ooze out, and the Bligornian draws back for a moment before bringing his elbows down towards Sporff, breaking the sound barrier with his amazing speed. Not fast enough though. Sporff avoids the attack and blocks with his vibro-blade. He parries with a swipe at the Bligornians face, and the alien is blinded by his own blood.
Sporff takes this time to grab his laser pistol out of his belt and jam it into the creatures neck. He fires 4 times through the nerve bundle, and the horror slumps the ground. Dead weight crumples over Sporff, and our hero is disappointed with the slime that is getting on his suit. However, one more of the creatures is still out there, still packaging some death for Sporff's enjoyment. Sporff reaches over and grabs his blaster launcher where it had fallen moments earlier, and looks up to find himself staring down the barrel of a rocket launcher. With lightning fast reflexes he launches his shell, and a sickening splatter is heard soon after. Only the best survive against Sporff. And they were not the best.
After taking some time to brush the dirt of his clothes and clean the visor on his helmet, Sporff resumes his triumphant strut towards the Princess's cave.
Will the Princess shed some light on the situation with the Gorons? Will she be able to help Sporff's damaged craft get back on its feet? In short, will Sporff save the galaxy in some way or another? Tune in next BR to find out!!
Thank you Sporff, now lets head on over to the main attraction. Assorted members of the audience, I give you:
 Map: Dire Straits
Game Style: Brood War
Players:
[TA]Ramius - Zerg - Northeast
[TA]SlayerJu - Protoss - Southeast
vs
JonaMom[JC] - Protoss - Southwest
JonaGoo[JC] - Protoss - Northwest
The game begins with a flourish as the host and referee[CURef]Thoth presses OK. As this is an island map, the players use corresponding strategies. [TA]Ramius looks to be going for fast droptech, building two lairs after a spore colony or two and his partner [TA]SlayerJu gets two gates and goes for a fast robofac. On the west side, things are progressing similarly. JonaMom[JC] has two gates, but instead of a robotics facility, he has chosen to go for the templar route, and a citadel is warping. JonaGoo[JC] is taking the most agressive build order, building only 1 gate, but getting 2 stargates. Obviously he is going to do some corsair harassment.
The corsair 'attack' begins when an OL has wandered a little too far out of the safety zone. He is pelted by little bits of neutron, and he retreats to the waiting spore colony. Giggles the corsair runs away, preserving his right to have a name by giggling like a school girl.
After being joined by a couple brothers in arms, Giggles merrily skips on down to the southeast start position, where [TA]SlayerJu has some fresh goons waiting. After taking a few hits, and killing the shuttle that [TA]SlayerJu had built, Giggles skampers away. That little rascal. He also got some valuable recon, and now Jona Crew knows what their opponents are doing.
By now, all players have traversed a ways up the tech tree. JonaMom[JC] has templar and shuttles, and has loaned his partner a templar just in case. JonaGoo[JC] has also built a robotics bay and a fleet beacon, signalling shuttles and gayweb soon.
We now enter the first expansion phase. All players take a moment from their busy schedules to pick up some extra cash. [TA]Ramius has gone for the 3:00 base, and [TA]SlayerJu has landed on the 6:00 spot. JonaMom[JC] receives some air support from his partner while expanding to the 9:00 node, and last but not least, JonaGoo[JC] lands 8 probes on the 12:00 island to throw up a love shack.
With a new resource patch claimed, [TA]SlayerJu decides to make the second offensive move of the game. Dropping two reavers onto JonaMom[JC], he begins to smash stuff. JonaGoo[JC] tries to halt the mechanical monsters by dwebbing them, but [TA]SlayerJu simply moves from beneath the futuristic fishnet. A templar comes to try and shut down the party, but is made to evaporate by an irate scarab.
 In retaliation for this, JonaMom[JC] loads up about 2 metric tonnes of whoopass, and attacks [TA]SlayerJu shiny new expansion. With only minimal garrison troops, [TA]SlayerJu is soon without an expansion. Money makes the world go round. Power, fame, wine, women and song are all available for purchase with it. It wrecks friendships, destroys relationships, and ends careers. In the eternal words of Van Halen, "Money may not buy you happiness, but it can sure as hell buy you a boat big enough to pull up along side it." These quotes and idle speculations are not for [TA]SlayerJu at the time being though, as he now is cut back to one base.
So who wants the money now? JonaMom[JC] of course. He fought to get this island, and he'll be damned if he's going to let it go to waste. He begins warping in a nexus and a pylon, presumably for some cannons. But wait? Whats this! Damnit, [TA]SlayerJu is back with a couple reavers and a few other ground troops to shut down the island AGAIN. You've been forcibly evicted JonaMom[JC]. Please return your key on the way out.
NO!! I WANT IT BACK!! AND WHATEVER DEEDIE WANTS.. er.. JONA WANTS, JONA GETS!!
This island has now traded hands 4 times in rapid sucession. Slore Island indeed. JonaMom[JC], after taking the island back, begins exploiting its potential as an expansion.
 [TA]SlayerJu sighs and decides to start anew on the right middle island. At this point only JonaGoo[JC] and [TA]Ramius have been able to keep an expansion going, and both players have used this to continue up the tech tree. [TA]Ramius now has a spire, and JonaGoo[JC] has produced a carrier, and is in the process of making interceptors for it.
At this point, [TA]SlayerJu's expansion is discovered, and a group of troops is dispatched to kill it. About 8 of JonaMom[JC]'s goons are airlifted to the island, with a healthy amount of JonaGoo[JC]'s corsairs acting as an escort service.
 However, [TA]SlayerJu has at least 1 templar, a reaver, and a couple other troops on the island, and with the help of some hydras from [TA]Ramius, the attack is fended off. Here we see where [TA]Ramius's abilities as an upgrade whore help out.
 By now, JonaMom[JC] has remembered the 9:00 expansion, and has built a nexus and a couple cannons there. He is ready to mine there again. Speaking of building cannons, what do you think [TA]SlayerJu has been doing on the upper section of the left middle island?  You guessed it, he's trying to establish a stronghold there, with the help of [TA]Ramius's mutas and hydras. However, with the help of a storm or two from JonaMom[JC], and a couple carriers from JonaGoo[JC], the firebase is shut down like a bordello beside the Vatican. The bloated carriers maintain a defensive stance over the resource patch. JonaGoo[JC] also thinks, "Hey, what the hell, I might as well expand here too." He does, warping in a nexus and a couple support pylons. The carriers stand an idle guard over the budding base, and make sure that no trouble comes their way.
At this point, I was gently reminded of previous commitments by a good friend of mine, RS-Evil_Cow. He has a subtle way of telling you what he wants, and he used these skills on me about now.
After that short break, in which I had a good laugh, a massive battle was about to commence. I'll describe it first, and then show you the picture/mural. The Jona Crew were pooling their armies for a gigantic attack on [TA]SlayerJu's main. On the side of JC, there were about 6 or 7 carriers and 12 corsairs with dweb. Also, there was a group of 4-5 shuttles with a whole lot of assorted asskick loaded in them, with templar, reavers, goons, and zealots. Representing [TA]SlayerJu was at least 8-12 dragoons, several templar, 8-10 corsairs, and a zealot or two. As the JC armada came into view, [TA]Ramius was on his way with devourers, mutas, and 12 hydras or so.
Through excellent micro, macro, and some good luck, TA managed to fend off the assault, but not without cost to both sides. Part of [TA]SlayerJu's main was destroyed, nothing incredibly important, but several pylons. Also lost was a large group of goons, and all his corsairs. The templar may or may not have made it out alive, I'm not sure. Tribute to the Unknown Soldier. JC too suffered high losses, with both of their armies almost completely destroyed. When the smoke finally cleared, all that was left on the southeast start position was a triumphant [TA]SlayerJu base, with its occupants shouting out lyrics to Rage Against the Machine songs about fighting the power.
[TA]Ramius decided the time was right for a counterattack. He loaded up 5 or 6 OL's of hydras and flew towards Slore Island (the 6:00 expansion owned by JonaMom[JC]) with hopes of taking down the base. Unfortunately, there were a couple templar and a couple cannons, and a couple too many factors working against [TA]Ramius, and the attack failed rather miserably.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, JonaMom[JC] has been producing shuttles, reavers, goons, and templar out of 4 gates and 2 robotics bays. He quickly has a large force of these, trembling with excitement. Speaking of dragoons and excitement, click here for something which is incredibly uncalled for.
One of [TA]Ramius's OLs was fairly offended by this little picture, and so he decided to run away from home, hoping to join the protoss fleet, perhaps with a cushy position as the resident blimpy thing. Unfortunately, the protoss are not ones to take in deserters, and they expressed their opinion in the form of kicking the OL's ass.
Sigh. Everyone is so mean nowadays. What's wrong with children these days? THE KIDS AREN'T ALRIGHT, DAMNIT! Won't someone PLEASE think of the children? How are they going to survive in such a hostile environment? Would you like to answer that, you bigshot bureaucrat? Yeah, thats right, you! With the glasses! Look at me when I'm talking to you! How can we possibly expect children to be well adjusted when they are witnessing gang violence, sex, murder and death on TV, the internet, in their music, at school? What is the government doing about this situation?! I'll tell you!! Nothing!! We gotta take the power back! Lets make the government clean up their act, and our country!
Bureaucrat: Actually, parenting is not the governments duty. If the children are maladjusted, its because of your own poor parenting. Perhaps if you did your job and raised your children yourself, unstead of letting MTV and Doom do it, you wouldn't have these problems. Until you start taking control of your own responsibilities, the problem will remain.
...
.....
Oh yeah. The game. Pardon me. *cough*. By now, JonaMom[JC] has about 9 shuttles loaded with troops, and JonaGoo[JC] has rebuilt his carrier/corsair fleet. This force the Jona Crew sends to meet just to the west, over the horizon, by [TA]Ramius's main base. Again, I will describe some of the battle before the mural, and more at the bottom.
JonaMom[JC] and JonaGoo[JC] basically did the same thing to [TA]Ramius as they tried to do to [TA]SlayerJu, only this time the results are more satisfying for them. Storm is cast gratuitously, as is dark swarm. Lings are hurled at the incoming force, and although the Tarsonis Academy managed to take down the ground forces, the carriers smacked them around.
With his main in ruins, and the Jona Crew dominating the map, the Tarsonis Academy has no choice but to surrender. The end of a very well played, and very good matchup. The final scores:
Lessons Learned
1) Both ground AND air forces fielded by experience Protoss commanders are hard to stop.
2) Teamwork is intrinsic to 2v2's of this calibre.
3) Careful of not defending your expansions. If [TA]SlayerJu had been able to hold onto Slore Island, this could have been a different game.
Anyway, I've got a few people to thank for helping me in the production of this BR. First and foremost, the players for being kind enough to let me watch. Second, to [CURef]Thoth, the other observer of the match who sent me the scores of the game because I forgot to take a screen at the end. Finally, Jack Handy and the lovely folk over at Deep Thoughts. That is where I got most (but not all) of the quotes for the alt tags on the images. With that, I'm off. Til next time,
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