“It’s like, uh, banging a tennis ball against a brick wall. Which can be fun, it can be fun. But it’s not a game. What you want, is a partner to return that ball You do want a partner, right?”

God knows I wanted a partner. Someone competent, that is, someone to satiate my urge to kill. Since the little “accident” with my CD-ROM Drive, I’ve noticed that even my fellow NH goers don’t treat me with that much respect.

A coincidence that these insults began when I started playing Shareware? I thought not. So, full of valor and bravery, I decided to join some shareware pubbie games.

Um, maybe not. De javu, anyone? Full of spite, I created my own game, and sure enough, because of my gosu name that I derived from Cynical Magician’s excellent guide, my opponent joined.

His screen name was “R_A_P” What did this mean? Was he going to rap me up quick? Was he going to start rapping and thus distracting me during the game, ensuring him a win? Or, was it a much sinister reason? Such as a heavy doss of brandy? I’m actually opting towards the brandy reason…

Asking if there were any rules, I stated there were none and started the countdown. Before the numbers hit 3, I typed in “GL HF,” because I’m so well-spirited. His reply was, “what.” If you don’t know who won this right now, please leave. Leave, be gone! You insult my two years of StarCraft playing if you fully anticipate a game in which I struggle to earn that win.

The map was “ByWays.” It’s a 1v1 player map only. This map sports two expansion centers, one in the top-right position and one in the bottom-left. Players random in the bottom-right and top-left.

I was forced to choose a Terran, but as luck would have it, so did my enemy. However, I got one of the prettiest colors in the rainbow spectrum, violet, so I was content. He, however, got the piss-poor color of… get this… BLUE! It’s been an imbalance for a long time, violet > blue.

I proceeded to build up my base, constructing a depot of supply at my 7th brand new SCV. My 11th SCV got the honor of building my first barracks. Sure enough, the 12th one was a rebel, and decided to flee the base in hopes of adventure, recon, and treasure. Well, more of the recon reason…

The 12th SCV, which is the SCV previously known as Prince, gave me valuable reconnaissance indeed. It turns out that R_A_P had two barracks producing marines, and one of those go-lucky guys started taking pot-shots at my SCV! Well, they don’t have vehicle in that name for just prettiness, and my SCV geared up and shot out of there. He raced to the bottom-left expansion, just in case R_A_P tried to expand.

R_A_P's SCV in return scouted my base, but my own SCV was able to take it down, because it was trying to kill my blinking barracks. I built my buildings hoping to mimic Heartcutter’s style, close and gosu-terran-like. I was putting up the finishing touches with my little wall-in, when he attacked!

At about this time, I felt hungry for resources. Remember that SCV previously known as Prince? Well, he at least had the IQ to start construction of a Command Center in the bottom-left position. I sent a task force for the task (duh, what else?) of 4 marines and a tank. Traveling there, I ran across a bunker. An empty bunker. Guess who won that?

No, SlipKnot, I won that. Stop that bickering.

The task force went to the newly constructed base and were assigned defense role. At the main HQ, I lay down an academy and started on research of my marines. I continued pumping marines and tanks out of my 2 factories and 3 barracks. I built my first Comsat Station, hot-keyed it, and scrolled down to the bottom-right. I hit the “0” button, and was shocked.

Oh, right, it’s not 50! It’s 75! How forgetful of me!

Getting a bit bored, I took a force of 1 SCV to monitor progress in the upper-right expansion node. I was surprised to see that all was calm on this eastern front, so I sent along 2 spare tanks and 4 marines to help defend the area for the layout of a future expansion.

That’s right, folks. R_A_P is offensive bunkering me. He’s offensive bunkering and I’ve already expanded two times. Can anyone see what he did wrong?

I started construction of two Star Ports in my main, and was thinking of a plan to drop him. I had roughly 8 tanks and 2 dozen marines. I could’ve won the game right now, but that’s just not me. I have to have style. No, I was dropping him. Plus, I just can’t get enough of those Drop Ship chicks. (Although we do think that Medics are so much hotter – Residence of Channel Sex)

R_A_P has built random bunkers everywhere on the map, trying frantically to offensive bunker me.



I have control of both expansion nodes, and both have adequate enough defense for me to send troops if needed to defend against a full scale attack.



R_A_P is prime for a drop.



I have 7 drop ships, loaded with 6 tanks 30 marines, and 2 SCV’s.

I dropped him. I felt no pity when I did. He sent his forces up to my base, I guess, because I saw a red flashing box on the mini-map, but when I scrolled up there, all I saw was the ending of a skirmish. I put my tanks in siege mode, and blasted his base away.

He tries to make a couple attacks on me, but it's all in vain.

Ah, yes, I am victorious!

“Forgive me, father, for I have sinned. I have shed newbie blood on the field of battle.”

"The only way to be free of your sins is to destroy the Ultra-Gosu-Marine."

"Who?"

"Him."

---

From yours truly,

WarLeaderJustin