"I saw Myst catch a fish by spearing it with his hand, that's how fast this guy is."
- Fox^1
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| Confessions of a backstabber | | | Author: | | | IP: | cvx-got-XXXX | | Date: | 09/17/00 01:09 | | Game Type: | Starcraft | | Labels: | none | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 3, Max: 7, Min: 6
Lifetime Rating for HardStomper: 6.3333 |   |
Confessions of a backstabber
DISCLAIMER
The following is not intended to advocate turning on your ally/allies or
to engage in any other form of immoral behaviour. It is merely a testament
to my own incapability of remaining silent when the Battle.net channels
are overrun with comp-stompers who play three-minute games at 7-1 odds merely
to beef up their own statistics and trash-talk actual players. To my mind,
they are the lowest form of Starcraft life; backstabbers being about as
low. You know the old saying, "If you can't lick'em, join'em"?
How 'bout this: join'em first... lick'em later...
Prologue
I used to wonder about backstabbers. Who they were, how they reasoned, why
they did what they did. And now I know. It's people like me. I live a fairly
regular life. I'm 28 years old, have a steady job with a better-than-average
income, and live alone with a cat in a central three-room apartment. I never
promise what I can't keep, and have never ever turned on a friend. Hell,
I even have a girlfriend ­p so much for the theory of backstabbing as
an outlet for sexual frustration.
But this is different. Because comp-stomping is different. It sucks. Has
no purpose. And it adds to net congestion without rhyme or reason. Therein
lies my motivation: comp-stompers suck. Everybody loses. And everything
I can do to help, I will.
The game's afoot
The game was an easy choice. It was called "7v1 ez win!!!!"; an
open invitation. I was the 5th player to enter, and after I'd downloaded
the map ('Lost In The Sand') the creator decided not to wait around for
more. They all chose Terran, I went Zerg along with the computer. The map
was divided diagonally by a ridge, cutting the landscape in half. On one
side, there was me (in the middle, thank you very much), Doc (top right)
and Anubis (top left). On the other side, Executor (bottom left), Kaatz
(middle) and the computer (bottom right).
Early days
Sharing vision goes on immediately; making everyone think we've actually
allied up. Thinking I should appear to be on the level, I pool early on
to get some lings going. I go 6 pool, Ovie, lings, Drones gas ­p the
idea is to have a flexible enough build to take out my four opponents with
four different critters. Just a little treat for my many fans (that'd be
me and the cat). Watching my soon-to-be-adversarys, I notice quite a variety
of build orders going on. Let's have a quick look at how they turned out:
Anubis built 2 Depots and a Barracks, made three Marines and maxed out on
SCVs. Only minerals would do, but he'd rather have 'em in the bank than
spend them. I suspect he must have had several thousand of them when he
died.
Doc was more into the idea of actually fighting, which is why he had to
be the first to go. Depots, pumping SCVs, Barracks, Academy, Barracks, Barracks
­p before long, his comsat found the computer at bottom right, on the
other side of the crevasse.
Executor went all-out on the Supply Depots. Walled off his choke with'em
(I guess his plan was to stay secure while others did the fighting ­p
dont you just hate comp-stomping?), filled up his base with them.
Kaatz, my closest neighbour, was a tad unlucky. The comp 4-pooled him (they
ran right by me ­p as if they knew I was on their side...) He lifted
his CC and floated it over to Anubis instead. Because of this, he didn't
actually build his first Barracks for fifteen minutes ­p and that was
after he'd relocated again.
The curtain falls
Doc lifted two of his Barracks, floated them over the ridge and started
mass-producing Marines and Firebats. This left his base naked, and as he
was finishing off the final Zerg computer structures, a full control group
of Zerglings ran into his base. Time to switch off shared vision. Well,
for me and Kaatz, at least. Everyone else kept it on for several minutes.
Gotta love that.
Anubis: what is happening?
Kaatz: who is killing you?
Doc.357: blue is a backstabber
Doc.357: i hate backstabbers
HardStomper: me too
HardStomper: lets get him :)
Everyone starts pleading for Docs' life, apart from himself. He's just really
pissed.
Doc.357: its just a game asshole you took my base!
My retort is immediate.
HardStomper: its just a game asshole I took your base!
Doc.357: kill him for me
Doc.357 has left the game
Killing spree
One down, three to go. Two surprises here: first, they're not angry ­p
they're actually scared. They outnumber me 3 to 1, know exactly where I
am and what tech I've got ­p and they're afraid. The other surprise
is that they still don't think to switch of shared vision or chat. Oh wait.
*Now* they do. So the Zerglings have done their duty. As I start a third
Hatchery and a couple of Spires (for quicker upgrades), I send a dozen Hydras
to take out Anubis. Kaatz sees me coming, and lifts off again. Look everybody:
he's... very... slowly... getting... away.
The green venom of my formidable Hydralisks (huh?) finish off the last of
Anubis' Depots just as my Overlords figure out how to carry stuff inside
their ventral sacs. Four Lurkers are swiftly en route towards Executors'
base, and when I get there I'm actually impressed. He's walled off his choke
with more than Depots since he turned off Shared Vision. 3 Bunkers, 4 Missile
Turrets and 5 Tanks. Not too shabby for a wall-in kinda guy. OK, so the
choke is well guarded. How about the north flank, what's he got there? Oh...
an Engineering Bay and nothing else as far as the eye can see. The Lurkers
fall safely to the ground, and actually manage to burrow in the midst of
all those Tanks without a scratch ­p because Executor has managed to
switch off Chat and Vision, but still keep Allied with me. Nice going. As
Executor is mowed to the ground, poor Kaatz once again floats his CC and
newly constructed Barracks and float off into the distance.
A flying finale
A full control group of Mutas catch up with the Barracks, though. They're
fully upgraded (God I love dual Spires) and waste little time in disposing
of the flying heap of concrete. Judging by it's direction, I'd say he's
going top left again, to Anubis' old camp site. My idle Hydras still stand
there, staring vacantly into outer space; Kaatz turns around again and heads
South. Here's where I come up with a fiendish plan: what better way to take
him out than a pack of Scourges? No sooner said than done; twelve elite
Zerg Airborne Kamikaze Larvae are heading for... hey! What are you doing!
Get back up there! Hrumph. He had the audacity to land, rendering my Scourges
virtually useless. On top of this, he makes an SCV and starts to repair.
Hmm. I start morphing my Mutas to Guardians.
HardStomper: Do you dare lift your CC again?
Kaatz: No!
HardStomper: Aww, pretty please?
Kaatz: No!
Hard Stomper: Not even if I do... this?
Here's where I turn on Shared Vision. Faced with the threat from above and
finally being able to see the full wrath of the Swarm, Kaatz does the only
honorable thing: runs with his tail between his legs. Kaatz has left the
game. Good. The victory screen follows.
Final thoughts
Yeech. What a Jerry Springerian subheader. Nevertheless, an apt one. Because
the truth is, I stand by my deed. And I'm ready to do it again. I don't
believe in ganging up on opponents, regardless of who or what they are.
And when I see games like 5v1, 6v1 or the likes, it is unpardonable; an
eyesore. And I act on it. Perhaps this disturbs you. Then so be it. But
the fact remains, that if only one of the people I backstab in this fashion
learns to keep a weary eye, to invest in even a skimpy base defense before
charging off with everything he's got, then I will have inspired someone
to actually start playing the game. Because there is very little difference
between this game, and a 'regular' game of FFA. I play to win. In order
for me to win, others have to lose. As for the alliance being a matter of
faith, I advise you to read the box your Starcraft CD came in. (You have
the original, surely? If not, it is even more out of place to lecture morals.)
"The only allies are enemies." Words to the wise.
Bottom line
Play a comp-stomp, and you're fair game. Backstabbing comes with the territory.
After one goes down, you know the new deal. And if you can't bond together
then and stomp me back, you deserve every bit of humiliation I can dish
out. Wanna play? Then learn the game. Once you've done that, you don't have
to worry about people like me anymore.
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