Well, do to the many forum postings about crappy reports recently, I have decided to take the
inititative and...
Create one of my own
Trust me, this one is sketchy. Anyway, I'd like to use this time to talk about random things
while the pics load.
Recently, I have been doing really bad in school. I got *gasp* one B instead of straight
A's, and for you asians with normal families, that screws me over. Anyway, my parents, being
the nice parents they are, say "do better next time."
Blah Blah Blah: Also, recently I have been site-hopping and stuff. Going to many other SC sites, I have
discovered many total lamers...
Example: Someone created a 2v2 on a Lost Temple OBS map but wouldn't let me OBS!!!
What a loser!
Anyway, That made no sense whatsoever but it wasted about 15 seconds of your time.
I'll bet you're saying "Gimme the gay report plz" or "Donnez-moi le homosexual report, s'il vous plait"
(Check my French ppl...I've only learned for 6 weeks!)
...So without further delay, I bring youa
short and gay game...
Revenge of the Valkyries
The game took place on the Lost Temple, and if you don't know what it is, you deserve to
be beaten with a wooden chair and tied to a fencepost with -citizenkane- forcing you to play
him chess, WLJ trying to
cyber you, and Fractal (sorry...used a random name here =Þ) tickling your feet with a feather.
That done, you will then be forced eat 2 lbs. of pure wasabi =Þ. Ouch.
Anyway, this is a 2v2. The Teams are:
Team Poulet:
AzureHeart - Randomed to Brown Protoss, 9:00
R.A.G.E. - Randomed to Teal Zerg, 6:00
Team Pollo:
|MaNiAcMaRiNe| - randomed to White Terran, 12:00
Illgetdroped - randomed to Blue Terran, 3:00
The Early Game
AzureHeart goes Pylon, two Gates, pylon, and a pylon at |MaNiAcMaRiNe|'s Choke. Then comes a pylon
and another gate.
R.A.G.E. gets a hatch at the top of his ramp, followed by a pool, 6 lings, gas,
and a hatch at his natural.
|MaNiAcMaRiNe| makes a depot, then barracks. This is followed by a bunker (AzureHeart constructed
a pylon where his depot would be if he walled in), and gas.
Illgetdroped constructs a supply depot, then a barracks and a depot, walling himself in.
He then makes a refinery.
This game gets out to a quick start. After his pylon at |MaNiAcMaRiNe|'s choke, he sends a
zealot to harass him. This zealot gets through before |MaNiAcMaRiNe| has a marine, but is
killed by a squad of gosu SCV's without a loss.
After this, Building up recommences, with Illgetdroped adding a factory while his partner
(Tired of typing his name) makes another barracks and an academy. Several more zealot attacks
are attemped by AzureHeart at White's main, but the wallin has
been finished and repairing scv's on the depots hold of the zealots.
Master Plan:Phase 2
Meanwhile, R.A.G.E. has teched to a Lair, and AzureHeart has added an assimilator and a
cybercore while expanding to his natural and adding another gate there. At the same time,
Illgetdroped is teching furiously, adding an academy, a comsat station, a machine shop,
a starport with a control tower, and an armory while his partner, |MaNiAcMaRiNe| adds a bunker
at his peon line, an academy, and an engineering bay.
The next offensive move is made by Illgetdroped, who sets up a turbo-newbie at R.A.G.E.'s
natural. Our zerg cerebrate responds by burrowing his drones and starting a spire.
Whether he realizes it or not, Illgetdroped just leaves his tank out of range of the hatchery
when he could just move it. Also,  the first of the aircraft that will own this report
appears out of Illgetdroped's starport.
Prepare for ownage
AzureHeart adds a forge and beefs up his expansion with a few cannons while making a robotics
facility and dropping two goons on his natural cliff so he won't get turbo-newbied.
At this point, R.A.G.E.'s spire finishes, and he sends his first 6 mutas on a suicide mission to
eliminate the tank on his natural cliff. They succeed while losing four of their number, but
Illgetdroped does not replace his tank...
Instead, he makes an engineering bay and a command center, preparing to expand. This lets
R.A.G.E. expand to his mineral-only while making a queen's nest. AzureHeart adds a Citadel
of Adun and an observatory at his main.
Here is a little update:
AzureHeart has been pumping dragoons and zealots like no tomorrow and is about to start making
the gay templar. He has one expansion.
R.A.G.E. has been mainly massing lings and has just started to make mutalisks. He has two expansions
|MaNiAcMaRiNe| is doing random stuff; mainly massing M&M with tanks. He has no expansions.
Illgetdroped is going heavy metal with tanks and goliaths and, yes, valkyries. He has one expansion.
Add Insult to Injury
At this time, Illgetdroped has about 4 valkyries. He decides to use them on R.A.G.E.'s UNUPGRADED
overlords...
Now, team Pollo initiate a frontal attack on R.A.G.E., with bats owning lings and valks owning
mutas, R.A.G.E.'s mineral-only falls.
Only help from AzureHeart's insane number of goons and zealots save his natural, but in the process,
AzureHeart loses his whole army.
Meanwhile, Illgetdroped's Valks continue their rampage...
Rage, seeing the amount of infantry that team Pollo has, prepares a nasty surprise...
However, at the sight of Illgetdroped valkyries slaughtering all of his overlords and him
not being able to produce anything, R.A.G.E. pulls a T_Mac (disconnects). AzureHeart sees
his teammate's gayness, declares "gg," and leaves.
Winners: Team Pollo
The Scores
Lessons learned:
1. Always try to be on the offensive. Team Poulet did not attack at all after the 1st zealot skirmishes.
This let team Pollo be in control
2. Be covered against anything. R.A.G.E. shouldn't have been raped by those valks! Some
hydras/spores would have really helped.
3. I'm lazy and not going to write any more lessons learned.
Well, thanks for reading another one of the "Crappy Reports by Crappy Authors Released Recently."
From yours truly,
- Good-Bye (English)
- Ciao (I forgot actually...Stupid me)
- Au revoir (French)
- Adios (Spanish)
- Jaijen (Chinese)
- Ahnyoungz (Korean)
- Sayonara (Japanese)
- Sut di (Lao)
- Woof! (Dog)
- We sex like pigs tomorrow too? (Swedish)
![[AsF]AzNSuNBoY](http://www.geocities.com/SC_ASF/Images/ASBSig2.jpg)
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