Never since David and Goliath has there been a matchup to rival the one between B.O.B.B.Y and truegjt. Fortunately, David and Goliath had nice easy to write names. The mastermind general B.O.B.B.Y will now simply be referred to as Bobby while the psionic war-machine truegjt shall be known as tru.

After checking that my programming assignment due tomorrow is worth less that a rat's left buttcheek, I created an unresistable game, sure to draw the most incredible players ever to grace battlenet. Unfortunately, "2v2 Temple" got me stuck with Bobby and tru. After Bobby repeated many times "My name is b.o.b.b.y" and we both assured tru that no "funny business" was going on, the game commenced.

Bobby was hurled through the rifts of existence, out of real life, and found himself looking at his chosen Command Centre and four white SCVs as he emerged onto the Starcraft battlefield. tru was pleasantly surprised (but not shocked) to find himself pondering existence beside a brand-new yellow Nexus.

My SCVs, overcome with anger at not being immediatly ordered to mine violently turned on each other and soon all that remained was a lone CC floating towards the comfortable lower right corner. When they had both visioned me, a quick inspection of the minimap showed that the white Terrans had unfortunately drawn the 12:00 position while his Toss enemy was a comfortable distance away at 6:00.

Bobby determined he needed more food at around 8/10 so began a supply depot at his choke. The SCV responsible for that began scouting at 3:00 as soon as the last nail was tacked. Shortly thereafter, the foundations of a Terran barracks began to appear also at the choke. tru, comfortable as always, has not felt it necessary to warp in a trusty pylon yet instead going for a refinery on 7 (which was about the time that Bobby's barracks was half done). Bobby started a refinery on 10, just as his SCV was about to discover tru's encampment. Bobby's SCV paced restlessly back and forth across tru's base then, becoming bored with the pacifism of the Protoss probes, chose to take his leave when the first gateway popped up with 1 probe in hot pursuit.

tru's lack of troops and/or tech had not gone unnoticed. Bobby finished his second factory just as tru's first zealot popped out. tru's military advisors (perhaps his mom) suggested that he begin to scout at this time. His mom must have left very quickly or else be very dumb because I know that my mom would not let me start an expansion at the 9:00 main if my forces consisted of about 15 probes and a zealot. tru indeed did that, forgetting his scouting mission in an attempt to outresource Bobby. The probe following Bobby's SCV out of his base quickly gets gangbanged by an unstoppable force of ... 2 SCVs.

The 2 SCVs head back to the bottom of tru's ramp and wait for the two spankin' new vultures (with mines) to come charging down the battlefield. They lay out a mine each just in front of the geyser and wait for one more to join them. All three then charge in with courage seen only on Crocodile Hunter and sometimes C.O.P.S (when it had the "bad boys" theme song). By now, tru's warmachine consists of 3 zealots but that's because he's teching up to ... goons. In a bout of micro genius, Bobby's Vultures lay down a mine each and tru's offence becomes 1/3 of tru's offence. The vulture drivers show no mercy to the remaining Zealot and send his ass back to Aiur. They then go for the gold, what ever good player goes for, the nothing-supporting pylon. tru then proves that his mother is not there, uttering "What the fuck?" Ah, well I'll just show you the conversation.

Another vulture joins the fray, only to lay a few mines and retreat. I'm not sure of their reasoning but I think that they were not yet confident with their cannister launchers and underestimated themselves. However, those two SCVs waiting at the gate scoffed at this and went in to finish that damn pylon once and for all.

By now, tru's 3:00 expansion had 5 probes mining and a goon and zealot popped out of his lone gateway, one at a time. They did not seem to mind the SCVs attacking the pylon. Perhaps they knew that it is government property and react similar to Humans at this. Another goon popped out and the two of them charged at the property damaging SCVs only to find that mines had been planted to stop this. The four vultures came back and dealt with them, via 5 mines and Bobby started to litter tru's base with concussion cannisters. A roving vulture also stumbled upon tru's expansion which had just warped in a pylon. Two more joined in and they began to lay waste to tru's second yellow nexus.

tru then said a few choice words and left the game without even a hint of 'gg.' Two seconds later, Bobby disconnected and I was named Victor only to have that turn into a draw faster than squirrelsex.com going out of business.

This may seem like a long report for such a short, crappy game but it was fun to write and it's my first so booya. Hope you enjoyed. Scores: