After browsing through Testosterone's latest masterpiece, I browsed though the comment section and found unofficial talk of battlereports.com hall of fame candidates. I noticed that none of them (Testosterone, DrAwesome, |]agomar, and Breeze) have been featured in many battlereports. If I see any of these people on battle.net, I have decided to stalk them, join any games they join, and say:

"Me watchy! Me watchy! Me monkey boy! kakakakakaka"

The first lucky person that allowed me to observe was DrAwesome. He was against the fearsome StarCraft player known as T_Mac. Needless to say, DrAwesome would have to fiercely defend his heterosexuality this game.

I was blessed to have two other observers with me. BUU and [TC]~Mattkid had such insightful comments as:

"tmac got badly raped"
"mac is stoned"
"this is when you need templers"
"my friend was right i can only afford to have sex with my right hand"

Guess which observer said what quote and I'll give you a cookie. 8*)

Um.. I'll just start the report now.

T_Mac built conservatively. Depot, Barracks, Barracks, Depot, Depot, Refinery, Depot, Engineering Bay. DrAwesome (&mpersand), on the other hand, teched like a five-cent hooker during Mardi Gras. He walled off the top of the ramp with a Depot and a Barracks. Then, he proceeded to build a Depot, Refinery, Factory, Depot, Starport, Factory.

T_Mac: im never in brs anymore :|
T_Mac: all the old br'ers left
&mpersand: :P
CrackHeadJeb: I'll br you anytime T_mac 8*)
&mpersand: get a good game and ill br it :|
T_Mac: :o
CrackHeadJeb: people who do get high ratings ^^
&mpersand: and disc
&mpersand: so i can call you gay
CrackHeadJeb: lol
[TC]~Mattkid: rfol
&mpersand: that is like instant +1 :D
T_Mac: hey that disc thing is a myth
CrackHeadJeb: ^^
T_Mac: at least
T_Mac: i never disc anymore
[TC]~Mattkid: sure..

DrAwesome sends an SCV counterclockwise to scout. When DrAwesome's SCV reaches 6 o' clock, T_Mac sends an SCV counterclockwise to scout. When DrAwesome's SCV reaches T_Mac's base, T_Mac remarks:

[TC]~Mattkid: better not disc
&mpersand: haha
T_Mac: GOOD PLAN
T_Mac: :(

When T_Mac spots the wallin, he sends a pimp squad of 6 marines and two SCVs when DrAwesome is close to completing his first factory. T_Mac's scouting SCV begins a bunker right in front of the wallin.

DrAwesome's first vulture kills the building SCV before the bunker is completed, but another SCV completes it. Four marines jump in the bunker and kill the vulture behind the wallin. Two more marines arrive, and the supply depot is destroyed. The eight marines and two SCVs charge inside the base and encounter another vulture.

One of T_Mac's SCVs attempts to build another bunker by the factories and starport. DrAwesome stops this second bunker before it's built, but loses two vultures. Finally two more vultures pop out of the factories and kill the rest of the marines. Unfortunately, I wasn't paying that much attention to the game.

CrackHeadJeb: rematch? :D
&mpersand: ;o
[TC]~Mattkid: not over
CrackHeadJeb: oooh
&mpersand: who won
CrackHeadJeb: sorry for being premature, that's a bob thing
[TC]~Mattkid: rofl!!
T_Mac: rofl

The attack is halted, and DrAwesome destroys T_Mac's bunker at the top of the ramp.

During the attack, T_Mac built a factory, two Starports, and started on an Academy. He also built two turrets at his main and one at the top of his ramp to prevent wraith harassment. DrAwesome built a third Factory and another Depot.

DrAwesome sent four vultures to T_Mac's base. T_Mac was constructing a bunker at the top of the 3 o' clock ramp, though, and its existence deterred the vultures from ascending the ramp. DrAwesome began construction of an Armory and an Academy at this time.

Tanks and goliaths vs. tanks and wraiths. Quite a refreshing change from the usual wraiths vs. wraiths.

T_Mac lifts off his two barracks and lands one at the top of his ramp to complete a wallin (after constructing a supply depot) and leaves the other one floating on the plateau overlooking the 3 o' clock natural expansion to spot incoming turbo newbies. DrAwesome, meanwhile, mines the hell out of the area beneath the ramp.

DrAwesome sieges up a tank behind the minefield, but he didn't have a spotter for the tank on low ground at the time and T_Mac eventually flew in four wraiths and destroyed it. Knowing that he would now need turrets to hold expansions, DrAwesome built an Engineering Bay. T_Mac attempted to harass DrAwesome's SCVs and destroy buildings at DrAwesome's main with his wraiths, but goliaths chase them away. T_Mac constructed another Command Center in his main at this time.

DrAwesome sieges up another tank behind the minefield with the support of two goliaths. T_Mac had a sieged tank of his own at the top of the ramp, though, and, with high ground advantage, destroys the tank. DrAwesome retreated his remaining troops back to the 9 o' clock expansion, where he started to build a turret and command center.

T_Mac completes his latest command center, and he floats it to his natural expansion. He also floats the barracks inside of his base to the bottom-right island.

Current Upgrades:
DrAwesome: Factory Units: 0/1 (armor/attack)
T_Mac: Starport Units: 0/0

DrAwesome spotted T_Mac's expansion with a spider mine, and he sent a group of 8 goliaths and two tanks there. Simultaneously, T_Mac flew six wraiths and one dropship filled with tanks to the plateau overlooking DrAwesome's expansion at the 9 o' clock natural. DrAwesome could not penetrate T_Mac's base, as T_Mac had too many sieged tanks on his main plateau. T_Mac, however, killed many SCVs and forced the floating of DrAwesome's command center. DrAwesome retreated most of his SCVs back to his base, but he did send some to the 6 o' clock main to start an expansion there. During this action, T_Mac floated a newly-built command center to the bottom-right island.

DrAwesome attempted to siege more tanks on low ground at the 9 o' clock natural to kill T_Mac's tanks on high ground. T_Mac tried to kill the tanks with wraiths, but goliaths swarm the area and drive them away. DrAwesome destroys the tanks, and his expansion is online once more.

[TC]~Mattkid: simply owned
BUU: tmac got badly raped

T_Mac completed another command center and sent it to the 12 o' clock natural. This expansion did not come online instantly; however, as DrAwesome still had a force of 8 goliaths and 2 tanks outside the 3 o' clock bases. T_Mac tried to maynard SCVs from his bases; however, he got lazy and let all of the SCVs that he sent die.

DrAwesome adds four goliaths to this containment force. T_Mac decides to break out of containment. He had constant production of wraiths from 4 Starports and was careful in not losing them. He sent the wraiths that he had at the time, about 24, and attacked the containment force from the backside. While goliaths are the theoretical counter to wraiths, the wraiths came in one big, blurry glob and quickly eliminated the force.

BUU: this is when you need templers

T_Mac sent the 14 wraiths he had left and attack-moved them into DrAwesome's main. They encounter little resistance at first and start firing at buildings. The wraith's ground attack leaves something to be desired; however, and DrAwesome repels them with seven goliaths.

T_Mac started to pump marines and medics from three barracks in his main as an answer for mass goliaths. This was sound, as wraiths do fine against goliaths on defense due to (usually) superior positioning, but are lousy on the attack. BUU had a different take on T_Mac producing infantry, though.

DrAwesome scouts the 12 o' clock natural with a goliath, and finds a fully-operational, defenseless T_Mac expansion. A hotkey of goliaths annihilate the SCVs, and force T_Mac to lift off and retreat his command center.

Current Upgrades:
DrAwesome: Factory Units: 1/1
T_Mac: Starport Units: 1/1

T_Mac decided to counterattack. While DrAwesome's goliaths were occupied with slaughtering SCVs, T_Mac attacked DrAwesome's main with 18 wraiths and 2 dropships that are loaded with marines and medics.

DrAwesome saw the futility of trying to prevent his main from destruction, so he charged T_Mac's main with goliaths, and then infantry from his 6 o' clock mian. Unfortunately, T_Mac still had a partial wallin, which helped his sieged tanks rack up the kills. When the wave of infantry arrived, T_Mac had cloaked ghosts waiting for them.

T_Mac destroyed DrAwesome's main, and proceeded to destroy the 3 o' clock expansion. DrAwesome wasn't ready to give up just yet, though. He constructed a total of 6 barracks at his last remaining base - the 6 o' clock main.

T_Mac tried to deliver the knockout blow with his (now) 2/2 wraiths. They flew into turrets, marines, and goliaths. Much tinfoil littered the ground. 8*)

BUU: tmac = gay canuck
[TC]~Mattkid: my friend was right i can only afford to have sex with my right hand

After the destruction of the wraiths, T_Mac decided to resort to gayer methods of winning.

Nuclear launch detected.
Nuclear launch detected.
Nuclear launch detected.

One ghost was stopped, but the other two nukes dropped and put every building in DrAwesome's base into red hitpoints.

[TC]~Mattkid: look at T_MAcs main
[TC]~Mattkid: ROFL
&mpersand: die

T_Mac built four extra command centers in his main while he was destroying DrAwesome's main. Hrm, so that's when he got them.

CrackHeadJeb: omg
BUU: dude thats nothing =[
BUU: bgh =D

DrAwesome did have a modest force of marines and medics and he sent them out to cause some destruction. They ran into a group of T_Mac's infantry just as they were going down the 6 o' clock ramp. DrAwesome's troops were bottled up on the ramp and slaughtered.

T_Mac's infantry ascend the ramp, and good games were exchanged.

Winner: T_Mac
Game Time: 29:33

Post Game comments:
It was refreshing to see a terran vs. terran game since both competitors were random terran and they didn't find each other early.

T_Mac is good when he's stoned.

This is just the first in the series of my battlereports on DrAwesome. I will continue to observe him until he wins. 8*)

Look for the next chapter in the DrAwesome Chronicles! Chapter 2: Smurf Hunting. Bonus commentary from MrPimp!

This is a CrackHeadJeb production.