"she's a big dumb virgin"
-CynicalMagician on the princess in mario
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| Billy and Howard do Starcraft. | | | Author: | | | IP: | XXXX | | Date: | 06/25/99 05:06 | | Game Type: | Starcraft | | Labels: | Starcraft(1), Problem: Broken Images(1), Fan Fiction(1) | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 2, Max: 9, Min: 7
Lifetime Rating for Etarenicni/PrinceCharming/Slicer: 7.2500 |   |
Assorted Important Notes:
- This story bases itself on and after The Fenix, a campaign created by Desler. (I forget the webpage. A good search engine should give it to ya.)
- It also includes some of my own characters, after about four hundred years. If you enjoy this shit, here's more. (Warning: contains evil and corrupts young minds)
- It also includes characters owned by Blizzard Entertainment, and if anyone tries to sue me for this, I will claim I never wrote it. Fuck off, assholes.
- I was the Lord of Bored when I wrote this filth.
- Forget local images. I like my own server.
Part 1
By Howard
"Oh, crap.", I muttered.
"Lemme guess, Howard. More Tarsonis fucks." said my clone, Billy.
"Worse." I replayed a video clip sent to the region.
Some ugly, forty year old man with an accent like a kazoo and a face that screamed out to be butchered came onscreen. "This is Admiral Tnassip. This sector has been claimed in the name of the United Earth Directorate. All other forces are ordered to leave this sector immediately, or we will use force. This is Admiral Tnassip.." I kicked the off switch.
"United Earth Directorate?! Who the hell? Don't tell me those dumbasses made another world government again.", he muttered.
"The dipshits strike again.", mumbled Sarah.
"It sure as hell looks that way. And our colony is half an hour from landing on Enozraw 4. Who knows what we'll run into down there- and our fucking fleet is back home!" Enozraw 4 is another one of those no-spin worlds. One side of it always faces the sun, and that side is very hot indeed- almost nothing can survive there. The other side is cold indeed, but there were things living there, including Kakaru some looney introduced a few years back.
"I thought no one was supposed to be out here. Looks like we've got another fucking war on our hands." Not like we can't fight it. Ever since those hundred exiled Dark Templar landed on our homeworld, Eden, we've gotten parts of their technology. Unfortunately, very few humans have the ability to use shields. Oh well.
I sent a very clear message, broadcasting it on all frequencies, stating very, very clearly: "This is the Sapient Expansion Fleet of Eden. Fuck off, Tnassip. If you even try to invade this sector with your precious Directorate, we will destroy your fleet, fuck your lieutenants up the ass, systematically torture you to death, then go over to Earth and blow up every structure on it. Get out of here now. We don't care how many battlecruisers you have. If you piss us off, we will hurt you." Hopefully, Tnassip has the sense to get out while he can. But he probably doesn't. Billy called up the robot fleet on hyperwave and ordered the majority of them to Enozraw 4.
When we got there, there was only one thing to do- colonize. One command center and a pitiful four SCVs was all we had, but they started mining, we got more SCVs, and we knew a simple fact. If the enemy didn't get on the surface soon, we would kill them very, very easily, using the resources from this world to make our weapons, which we started to do- two clone-producing barracks and one supply depot.
We ordered the production of Marines, the refining of the local fuel supplies commonly known as Vespene gas, and began construction on a factory. "Hell," I said, "this'll be easy. I haven't seen any sign of them. If they don't get here now, this world is.." My speech was interrupted by a beam from above. A circular pattern of shimmer covered part of our base, then left. And I knew exactly what that was. A ComSat. Those fuckers had a Comsat. It was definitely time to get serious. Orders were thrown around left and right to our all-robotized SCVs, to build a bunker, and make another command center. We need resources to win this war.
My suit's helmet came on and showed Tnassip's face again. "Tnassip, I distinctly told you to fuck off. Now, you die.", I said and closed the channel before he could get out a word. Production continued. A Machine Shop was produced, siege mode was researched, and we figured a few Tanks could stop any enemy force.
"Ah, fuckazoid. Check that out.", Sarah said, motioning to the force I saw coming our direction. Unfortunately, we didn't get any high ground when we got here, and now we'll need to deal with them. Twelve red marines, four firebats, and two medics. And all we had was six marines- not even a bunker. Of course, there's always us. Hmm.. railgun or.. The Blades. Didn't I say earlier we got some Prot technology? Billy started grinning, and summoned his blades as well. Sarah just brought out her canister rifle.
It was a slaughter. I could see the look on a firebat's face- "That punk has shields? How the.." before I cut open his flame-tank, blowing him straight to Hell. Little pieces of roasted firebat fell this way and that. The enemy marines were quickly chopped up into bloody smears, and we all shared a laugh at the two remaining medics desperately trying to heal each other, before we chopped and shot them down in a shower of gore and screams. Two of our marines died.
But we were behind in the tech race, and my shields were mostly gone. Ugh. An Academy and a Starport went up. We had hours before the fleet arrived. I watched the resource meter with disdain. We need more.. more.. more. Greed is the only way to win.
Then a brown doglike creature came running our way. "What the hell?", I asked before Sarah blew its head off.
"Zerg.", she said.
"Zerg? Out here?! Oh shit." The other command center was complete and a good plateau point was decided upon. An Engineering Bay and an Armory went up. It occured to me that we didn't have enough units, and so I ordered a few Tanks, Goliaths, Wraiths, and Medics, plus a Comsat.
Two overlords came into the main resource gathering area. Dumbfucks, I thought. They're just going to get shot out of the sky. Then I remembered an old Zerg trick - carry other units inside the OLs and drop em down, a tactic that killed plenty of Terrans. A goliath started shooting its missles at one, the Wraith cloaked and attacked the same one, and Sarah screamed at the tanks to go over to the bunker and into siege mode.
A hydra popped out of each lardass. The tanks shot it with the cannon, and the bunker fired. More hydras came, and Billy screamed at the SCVs to get out of there. We had all of eight marines, one bunker, two tanks, a single Wraith, and a Goliath. It was then that I realized how powerful a tank really was- it can blow almost any ground straight to hell. And if someone's dumb enough to drop within tank range, that crap is outta here. And it was.
Then I heard Sarah screaming. She was shooting at .. OH FUCK!! Three tanks, three medics, and a good twenty marines were heading this way, all red, all of Tnassip. That asshole opened a communications channel and this time, I listened to him.
"Surrender now or we will destroy you.", he said.
"You? Destroy us?", Billy said, giggling. "If that bunch of idiots gets in range, they die. Period. Now be a good little soldier boy and order their retreat." (Backing down before a superior force? What's that? Never heard of it.) He didn't. Our tanks' cannons whirled around, the force came in range, and I couldn't stop laughing as the tanks tried to siege- within range of our tanks. Idiot. Boom. SCVs repaired ours, while the rest continued to gather available minerals, like the ones at the expansion. Another tank was finished and I ordered it sieged, immediately. The enemy infantry came into the base, lined up like dominoes. Waaahaha. "Line up your forces before you attack! Good going, Tnassip! Why don't you just tie signs around their necks saying "CANNON FODDER" whil you're at it?", I screamed. Of course, not about to give him any pointers, I didn't tell him that, just my friends.
The combination of tanks, bunkers, repair, and stim-charged gunfire (What, you think I'm going to bring out the blades with sieged tanks around? What kind of an idiot.. nevermind.) blew them all to hell in a handbasket.
Only one tank of ours died, and a marine. That was it. Charons were developed for this area's resources, all damaged units repaired, the stim's effects and the marines' wounds healed by the recently-made Medics, another CC made (We'll find out where to put it later. There has to be more resources around here somewhere..), and more Goliaths and Wraiths manufactured. The UED has a fleet somewhere, and no one knows when they'll get here. And what about those goddamned zerg?
Then some Prots, Zealots mostly, with some Drags, some floating guys, and some cloaked figures showed up. "Oh, what the hell!", yelled Billy. "Why don't we get attacked by giant brass monkeys too, while we're at it! Howard, why the hell don't we take a fucking look at these planets before we land on them?!"
"There wasn't anything here, Billy. Not that our scanners could see.", Sarah said with some annoyance. "So now the Prots want some too..."
End Part 1!
I'll only write the other parts if people ask for them. |
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