"People obviously don't like to see you win T_Mac. "
-Persian-POW
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| 2v2v2 One Great (and HomoiSh) bAtTle | | | Author: | | | IP: | cache-1.XXXX | | Date: | 03/20/02 02:03 | | Game Type: | Starcraft | | Labels: | none | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 1, Max: 2, Min: 2
Lifetime Rating for TheDoctor: 2.0000 |  | Hi welcome to my first battle report in my life (wow) and just a few things. First the doctor is not the name i go by and i dont feel like telling it right now. Second im a dumbass who doesnt know html for shit and i dont know how to upload pics and flash to the battle report webpages (even though i can make both flash movies and pics...) This report was taken by memory and has no replay so if u want one you can go here. www.yourahomo.com and if u actually went there...well i dunno wuz there. NO pics, NO flash, NO dumb homoish comments like a lotta other reports. NO rhymes, NO poems, just a straight out battle report, the best of the best.
Due to problems with my memory because im so damn old i cannot remember any of the players names including my own. They will be referred to as colors, bcuz i like colors cuz theyre colorful (wow...)(i decided not to be a bitch and make up names). Some events have been made fictional, please don't point them out. If u think this battle report sucks...fuck u. All rights reserved blahblahblah as if you wanna steal this neways...... (or do u?)
Well heres how it started. Im wandering around in some weirdo Brood War channel when i decide, what the hell, im creating a server. A 2v2v2 BGH (the gayest of all homo maps) cuz im so bored and i luv long games (actually i dont). So here goes, all the players were no namers (unlike the great starcraft god mark4) and they weren't all good players. In case you don't know in a typical BGH game we have poor micro display and usually a shit load of macro.
Team 1: The Non Homo's
Me (Blue) zerg at 1:30...lol (top right)
White Terran at 3:00
Team 2: The Non Newbish Homo's
Teal Zerg at 10:30
Red Zerg at 4:30
Team 3: The newbish Homo's
Purp Terran at 9:00
Yellow Terran at 7:30
So the game started. None of these players were good or had esteemed recs. The build orders were as follows of course.........
Me: (drrr...forgot) actually wait a minute, i do remember a few things. O yea i went 8 or something pool then ol, hatchery, another hatchery and gas. teching up for mass zerglings.
White: He went 1 rax at like 9 or something, supply, another supply, rax, gas, academy, rax, and another rax. (the great homoness of macro on BGH, 4 rax is what we call typical) Mass M & M
Teal: Pool on 8, hatchery, hatchery, gas, hydra den, another extractor, then lair, obviously going for lurker tech.
Red: Pool on 9, hatchery, gas, lair, gas, spire obviously going for air, mutas most likely.
Purp+Yellow: Though I didn't see much I do understand that both went instant air. Probably going supply, rax, supply, ebay, gas, gas, factory, starport
Chapter One: Early Game aka THE RAPING OF WHITE
"And god decreed that all zerg foes shall forever rape white on a continuing pillage for all of eternity..." genesis, 5:14 (5:14 is the time on my clock right now :D)
Obviously being an okay player (not that good though, im not a ladder player at all) i decided to scout with my 8th drone or something like that. After going in a counter clockwise (some ppl call it anticlockwise and everytime i hear it im like "StUD Y SUm InGliSHH DuMfuK!") and i find everyone at their respective location. My ally seems content on just sitting on his ass doing nothing which is alright for now because he is just about to get raped. Game commences for like 6 minutes and then teal and red decide to be bitches and hit my great allknowing ally with what we call a "late 4 pool rush". The 12 zerglings amazinly rape white and i am forced to send help. Eventually my 4 zergling's along with the power of a bunker, a marine inside it, and a few scvs we are able to get rid of this sad rush. Red then sends his wussy lings at me but i kill them because in my base there is something called a SUNKEN COLONY, (O god) which white never heard of.
White: How did you do that!?
Me: Do what?
White: Kill those zerglings!
Me: Sunken colonies...
White: COOL lemme build some....
anyways after this a moment of silence ensued...pretty much for a long time. Red and teal had decided not to continually rush (which would make this game the homo game to top all homo games) and started teching towards hydras....10 minutes into the game. (bad time allocation cough cough). I had very few units in my supply, 30 or something and like most of it were drones neways. I tried expanding to my natural but some wussy zergling decided to try to rape my hatchery and the way i c it there was no point in expanding yet neways....I had already teched to one gas (which is what i do for mass lings) and was halfway done with my queens nest, obviously going for a hive. With 3 hatch's, an evo chamber, and upgraded speed on my lings i was almost rdy to go. (ouch no hydra den...shit, obviously i built a few spores in my mineral line). My dumbfuck ally had meanwhile teched to firebats and he seemed pretty damn happy over it.
White: "wow what are these things, they look fat and powerful"
White: "wow those things that are attacking them look bigger and fatter"
thats right, 24 hydras just knocked on white's front door. Bigger and fatter then the firebats, all of white's force just ran away, letting the hydras scrap one lone barracks that was out in the middle of nowhere. Then they proceeded to take on the main base. White had like 2 bunkers and no metal whatsoever and i knew this would be rape. I just sent all my zerglings (about 50 at that time) to teal's base first thing.
White: HAHAHA i right clicked my scvs onto my bunkers! now they will attack them! haha i hope the other team thanks me
White: wait..why is the hp going up on those bunkers
white evidently found out how to repair, and thus he lived because teal and red were too busy looking at me rape their base. However suddenly i saw some eggs that werent on the creep and i was like "what the fuck" when i suddenly realized the horror. 6 lurkers came in and killed my ling. Lines and lines of them died and you'd think id retreat...but i didnt. I just upgraded overlord speed and decided what the fuck.
Chapter 2: Lurkers and hydras = very homoish and sucky
"And so god decreed that all lurkers and hydras should get punctured up the ass by their own spines, and they could not defy god, so the lurkers raped themselves up the ass..." john 5:23 (the time of course)
At this point lets have a status report. Purp and yellow have been doing nothing of course, simply just building and buildling out of their like 2 starports....Wraiths and bcs that is... I have made cracklings and currently had 2, 0, 2 as my upgrades and had upgraded overlord movement. Im starting the ventral sacs (overlord grows balls...) upgrade and I have a hydra den now. White my ally is not as bad as he looks and has recovered meagerly, shoving out a tank or two out of his burning factory. Teal and red have just gone mass hydras and maybe one or two lurkers in the mix.
At this time i knew it was time to kill red. White gave me some tanks and along with some overlords i went in. CARNAGE DEATH DESTRUCTION. everyone knows that 150 some zerglings owns 5 sunks...or do they? Anyways no surprises my lings chomped them over with ZERO casualties. (thats right...white gave me some meds). I was having fun killing red's base when suddenly the screen flashed "the hive cluster is under attack" sure it is i thought..when i saw like 8 red hydras shooting at my hatchery. 3 drones that i found from nowhere, along with like 10 zerglings overpowered these dumb beasts and they died. However using this diversion teal tried to send a buncha hydras (like 50) to help his ally in an attempt to rape me up the ass. THIS FAILED. My detection spotted the one or two lurks in there and i killed them first. Then i simply raped hydras because lings own hydras.....I also took this time to expand to my natural and make 2 more hatches making 7 hatches in total now. Teal, with his attack force gone and no ally, quits, relieving us with no lag. White has now teched to Science Vessals and has been content building many missle turrets.
Final Chapter: The final showdown...
"When asked what was better lings, or bcs, bush replied "lings of course, because bcs cant hit ground and lings can hit air" he was impeached later that day...."
Red left immediatly and i teched to a spire and then greater spire. My upgrades stood at 1-1 for air (3,3,3 for ground), i was producing out of 7 hatches, and i had a supply of like 90. White had like 2 2 infantry and vehicle upgrades and 0 0 air upgrades. Because purp and yellow have done nothing but sit and drink beer all game they have 3 3 upgrades and have like 20 bc's, and some 40 wraiths.
Personally at this point i thought we would lose, obviously overestimating these noobs. After all they HAD had all game to build up their forces while i had wasted mine by killing lurkers with lings...white had done something smart for once and was building goliaths out of 6 facts and had expanded to his natural. I had 2 mains, and one natural and was STILL producing out of 7 hatches. Greater spire was done of course. White had armed his whole southern part with missle turrets, which came in handy later.
Purp and yellow think this is a pushover because they could build all game and decide to be gay and attack white...right against all his missle turrets. They show some FUCKIN sad teamwork as the wraiths fly in first, losing 25 or so of their number before retreating to the bcs. I notice this attack and quickly provide my sad friend ovelords, 12 devourers, and like an armada of scourge. BAM BAM BAM go the scourge as they die and die and die without hitting anything...damn too early. O well the missle turrets fall rather fast to 20 bcs because 20 bcs > 20 turrets but they dont go unscathed. My devourers get far more success than the turrets and they kill 2 or 3 when suddenly white marches in with goliaths. His Churon boosters upgrade is complete so what the hell. 20 goliaths and 12 devourers, along with 20 or so scourge completely overpoweres the remaining 15 bcs and 10 wraiths. With them dead i send a scattered force of lings and hydras to red...only to be raped completely, i try this with teal to get raped again by tanks...
I have to think, both players on their team had turtled like the dumbasses they were, and what made me the bigger dumbass was i couldnt think of away to get in. Suddenly a smile formed over my lips as i realized that my ramen noodles were done....after i ate i decided to go with a 24guardian to clear out the choke strat while running in with hydras and lings. In a perfectly executed plan white stood guard on reds choke to prevent reinforcements (ive seen it spelled as re-enforcement in this website...) and my guards dispatch the 2 bunkers and 12 or so tanks immediatly. The lings march in and teals time in the game is over. Red is much harder though....just when i was raping teal i saw yellow creep a few...actualy more like 20 bcs to the upper left, just a little distance from my o so important main. I arm my main with 10 spores (one spore = one bc) while my other main exp goes into a pile of blood and rubble. As you know 10 drones < 20 bcs. Then i build tons of scourge and stuff. Well the bcs get there and TARGET the scourge first...but that gives the spores time to get some potshots off at the bcs, thus damaging them all. 12 devourers join the action but he still seems to be beating me. With 6 bcs left im down to 2 rather poorly healthed spore colonies and like 2 hydras that was leftover from 20 that i had hatched earlier. To my aid white came, with goliaths...killing all that remained. (not me though).
Yellow then began crying for ally....blah blah blah and so did purp. Purp hadnt been a whining bitch all game like yellow so we didnt eliminate him yet... Yellow had to die for he was now insulting us after our refusal to ally his sorry ass. Well he demanded ally and sent another 20 bc attack at me which was repelled at the 12 oclock position even before it reached my base. WE raped them with 40 goliaths and 80 hydras and scourge.
Yellow: ally me you bitch
Me: is this how ur mommy taught u to ask kindly?
Yellow: ill kill you!
<20 bcs go down in flames>
Yellow: .......ally me bitch i got more tricks up my sleeve
Well he obviously did cuz one trick was allying us in an attempt for us to ally him? While he allied me i figured what the hell and sent 24 lings in and scraped all the bunkers and tanks at his choke. All he had left were 3 bcs. These were dispatched and yellow left the game. Well with yellow gone we allied purp who was like crying now.....gg by all.
>>see yas.
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