"just talked to an AT&T operator lady that kept whispering to me
it was like free phone sex"
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| Why I Should Be A Rater | | | Author: | | | IP: | s26.dialXXXX | | Date: | 05/06/02 03:05 | | Game Type: | Other | | Labels: | none | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 2, Max: 7, Min: 6
Lifetime Rating for ThePalisade: 5.9231 |   |
Pic heavy! Dial-up users: get out while you still can!
(Quick insert: My 4v1 was meant as a joke and was not meant to be a dagger in anyone’s pride. Thank you.) There are a variety of reasons why I, ThePalisade, should be a battlereports.com rater. Fortunately, I have some foresight and have decided to bore you with my argument AFTER my latest battle report. So, without further ado, I give you:
”A Day in the Life of ThePalisade”
You’ve just come home from a long day at school. You toss your bag of homework on your bedroom floor and jump onto your bed with an exhausted sigh. After spending some quality time with your cat, you flip the switch on your iMac. For a second nothing happens...but then: light! Your hard drive begins to whirl (quietly) and your computer initializes the boot up sequence that you’ve watched so many times.
Finally, your computer is ready and so are you. With a series of expert clicking you open remote access and hit connect. After nine tries you connect at 51k. At first you hesitate, thinking about opening AIM. But then your more powerful instinct takes over and you hit the shortcut to Starcraft. You watch the “Loading” text blink four times and then you are looking at the Starcraft start up screen. You hardly notice as you click “Multiplayer” and then choose “Starcraft Expansion: Brood War” from the two choices you are presented with.
You glance quickly at your Gateway choices and then hit “Okay” after briefly considering hitting the “Cancel” button. After all, you know your favorite soap opera, General Hospital, is playing on ABC.
Your screen quickly begins its connection to Battle.net.
Joyously, you type in your password and hit “Okay”. However, your confidence is slammed back into your face as an unwanted warning comes up on the monitor.
You think for a moment, soundlessly. Then it hits you. You’re on U.S. West.
You go back and carefully select “U.S. East” from your Gateway choices. Once again, your connection to Battle.net commences.
And finally you reach the end of the line:
You hurriedly type in your password, becoming anxious now.
Your mind whirls as it tries to predict what channel you’ll come up in. The odds of successfully predicting your channel (4024-1) are as clear as unwashed windows in your mind’s eye.
Despite the obvious advantages of being located in the channel “brood war usa-9”, you wisely decide to navigate yourself into more friendly territory.
Your entrance into the channel of all channels is unnoticed by the one person in the room, who happens to be playing the game people play when they are bored of Starcraft. Boggle.
Deciding you have better chances of finding a suitable game in Hell than in your current locale, you tentatively click the “Join” button. Silently you wonder if there will be any Zero Clutter NR20.
Despite the obvious advantages of a map such as Zero Clutter, you opt for a more traditional map. Notably, you choose “1on1 LT!” as your game of choice. You enter the game and once again become lost in thought as you observe your opponent’s handle.
Gleefully, you choose Random and watch the countdown go to zero. A few microseconds of lag and then the game has begun! You receive Protoss, your best race, and clone your probes perfectly. All is well as you start your pylon on 8. Then, suddenly, you hear that horrible click. The one sound that has the power to bring sweat to your brow.
You have been disconnected! You take a second to take your head out of your ass, sign back onto the internet, and sign on AIM. No more Starcraft for you today.
--THE END--
Now for the real reason for this battle report: why I, ThePalisade, should be a rater. It’s a common problem in these, the late days of Starcraft. Half of the raters on battlereports.com are retired. The other half never visit the site or at least never bother to rate. The only three active raters are Mark4, Drefsab, and |]agomar. Three active raters is not enough for an unbiased rating which we all came to love and enjoy so long ago.
Secondly, when your report actually is rated (usually not more than once), the rater usually never bothers to comment. The one exception to this is |]agomar. Kudos. Anyway, I find it to be a sorry state of affairs when only three raters are active and only one bothers to comment on a regular basis. We need more raters!
To that end, I kindly offer my services. I’m intelligent, well-informed, and well-read in all things on battlereports.com. I’ve read the great and the not-so-great and I am prepared to give an unbiased rating along with a comment of why I gave you the rating I did. So, e-mail mark4@battlereports.com and tell him you want me for rater! Now here’s a word from my sponsors:
Thanks to:
1) As always, my keyboard
2) My cat: The Lady in Black
3) www.uglypeople.com
4) |]agomar for the “10” he is going to give this report ;)
5) All my sponsors
This has been a ThePalisade Production®
©2002
All Rights Reserved
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