Introduction

A pussy and a bitch

A kid comes home from school and says to his mom, "Mom I've got a problem."
She says "Tell me." He tells her that the boys at school are using 2 words he doesn't understand. She asks him what they are.
He says "well, pussy and bitch".
She says "Oh That's no big deal, pussy is a cat like our little Mittens, and bitch is a female dog like our Sandy."
He thanks her and goes to visit dad in the workshop in the basement. He says to his dad, "Dad the boys at school are using words I don't know, and I asked mom and I don't think she told me the exact meaning.
Dad says "Son, I told you never to go to mom with these matters, she cant handle them. What are the words?"
He tells him...pussy and bitch.
Dad says "OK" and pulls a Playboy down from the shelf, takes a marker and circles the pubic area of the centerfold and says, "son, everything inside this circle, is pussy."
"OK dad, so what's a bitch?"
"Son" he says, "everything outside that circle."

Body Language

A man is doing yard work and his wife is about to take a shower. The man realizes that he can't find the rake. He yells up to his wife, "Where is the rake?" She can't hear him and shouts back, "What?"

The man first points to his eye, then points to his knee and finally makes a raking motion.

The wife is not sure and says, "What?" The man repeats his gestures. "EYE KNEE THE RAKE"

The wife replies that she understands and signals back. She first points to her eye, then points to her left breast, then points to her butt, and finally to her crotch.

Well, the man has no clue on that one. Exasperated, he goes upstairs and asks her, "What in the friggin' hell was that?"

She replies, "EYE - LEFT TIT - BEHIND - THE BUSH".

This report began the way all my reports begin, Going to ~nh's looking for a game.  After watching 3 of 4 shit games in a row and feeling bored, I decide that that I've just got to write another BR or I'm going die.  I go to SClegacy.com and watch a few replays until I find one that looks like it would really be fun to write about.  But as always I tell myself before I begin to write, " this ones got to be amazing!" well I'll let the rating decide if this is *amazing*.

Note the background is supposed to look like the desert on LT. Lolz,  if you find this report hard to read due to the background tell me in the comments and i'll change it.

"WTF another LT game what the hell doesn't Titans know how do BR anything else??"

Little is known about this terran commander.  He was banned from his home planet of earth and holds a deadly grudge against the rebel [Dak]Joyo, who reported him for murder.  He controls the sky and the ground with ability that doesn't come from sitting on your ass (on second thought maybe it does...) *note* If you don't know this player then, He's very gosu.

This terran general is considered a god by many.  Famous for leading the humans to victory in the battle of little flute.  He was nicknamed brickwall by the opposing forces, because they could see his shadow standing tall on the battle field, unwavering, and looking just like a brick wall. *note* very gosu as well. Well know that I have introduced the 2 players with a 530*311 graphics, what do u say we get on to some action! Joyo lands his cc at the 3 o'clock and Hasu lands his cc at 12 o'clock.  Both of the fighters were clearly trained on the planet of earth, because both of them walled themselves inside there mains almost simultaneous with the other.  There wall in's finished within 2 seconds of each other, and they both simultaneously build refinery's.  With no early game rushes coming, both players build a fac and a cc inside there mains to float into an expansion.  At this point the 2 players build orders are exactly the same. Both players expanded to there naturals at the same time, they both also transferred half there SCV's over to mine at there expos.  At this points there strategies finally began to differ a bit.  Hasudrone begins making gollies out of his 2 facs, while Joyo begins making tanks out of 2 facs, joyo decides to take a risk and build 2 ports instead of getting early tanks, this could get him early air support, yet it's a risky move that could cost him if Hasudrone decided to attack before his economy recovered.  Hasudrone constructs his 3rd fac and begins pumping out gollies like mad, he seems to want early power.  Through scouting Joyo seems to realize that Hasudrone may be attempting to over power him with gollies before he can get sufficient tanks, although Joyo scrambles like mad to pick up his tank making he's just not fast enough. Through heavy scouting Hasudrone sees Joyo's foolish risk and decides to take advantage of it, he barges in on Joyo's main with 9 gollies, hoping to hit him hard, and early when Joyo only has 5 tanks, know usually 5 tanks could take out a lot of gollies, but Joyo made the mistake of spreading the tanks out.  2 tanks where in front of Joyo's main, 2 tanks where in front of his natural, and 1 tank was in his peon line.  Hasudrone's goliaths manage to tear apart the tanks at the natural with ease(2 tanks kill 3 gollies). The Hasudrone pulls back all his forces from the natural and sends them at the enemy's main.  The blood hungry gollies ravage into Joyo's base blasting the 2 tanks at his choke into smithereens.  When everything is looking absolutely perfect for Hasudrone disaster strikes.  2 tanks pop out of Joyo's 2 facs with a great macro Joyo manages take care of business and hold the threat off until another day. Hasudrone decides that he is REALLY pissed that his attack was denied, so he does 3 different things, he begins to surround Joyo's base with missile turrets, and he expands to both 6 o'clock and 9 o'clock, along with all that he begins to camp his army of gollies and a few tanks right out side of Joyo's main (just out of veiw).  Joyo continues to pump out tanks, and build a few drop ships for future warfare.

Joyo loads up 2 tanks into one drop ship and unloads them on the high ground above hasudrones natural, the tanks siege up and begin blowing the shit out of SCV's.  Hausodrone hussles to load up his droppers, but manages rather quickly to drop 2 drop ships full of goliaths on top of the tanks, the gollies blow the shit out of the tanks with ease, before the tanks cause any real harm.  Hasudrone continues his expanding craze by expanding 3 more times, he expands to the 6 o'clock natural, 9 o'clock natural, and in front of his 6 o'clock expo.  Joyo know has 2 expansions while Hasudrone has 5, if joyo doesn't act fast Hasudrone could out mineralize him and overpower him before you could say "shit".

Deciding to spread out his building's, hasudrone builds 4 facs (with out machine shops) at his 9 o'clock expo, which begin gollie making immediately.  So as hasudrone's army begins growing at the edge of joyo's base, joyo is collecting a formidable army of tanks and a few dangerous drops could change the tides of this battle.   The players decide to settle in for the long haul, each busy with there own strategy's and building.  After a 5 minute wait were each player grows there army and neither changes there strategy,  hasudrone makes a risky move and sends all his gollies at joyo's main, hoping to end the battle before the History channel starts " A documentary on science in the late 1800's."  The attack is very, very futile, the gollies our blown away and tanks once again prove that they are the best ground vs ground unit. !du!     After this stupid and lame ass attack by hasudrone, joyo is in a perfect position to get revenge and sends a rather large army of tanks right at hasudrones defenseless main.   As hasudrone quickly attempts to rebuild his forces and prepare his expansions, Joyo sieges and un sieges his tanks, and slowly destroys everything in hasudrones natural.  Joyo just recently discovered hasudrones 9 o'clock expo and and decides to strike while the iron's hot.  Joyo fills 3 drop ships full of tanks and drops them right on hasudrones 9 o'clock expo. In the mean time hasudrone attempts to draw joyo's tanks away from his expo by dropping 4 tanks on Joyo's main.  Hasudrone once again lets his base be over taken without a struggle.  Hasudrone currently has 3 factorys pumping tanks,  while joyo has 2 facs and 3 starports.  Hasudrones drop is denied by Joyo's growing army of wraiths.   Joyo begins a slow tank push into hasudrones last stronghold (his 6 o'clock expo).   Joyo has expanded to the upper left island, and hasudrone has expanded to the lower right island.  Joyo takes out hasudrone's first expansion in front of the 6 o'clock, and moves onto the 6 o'clock natural.  Upon finding that joyo was amassing an army of wraiths hasudrone hustled to pick up the pace and quickly constructed 5 starports. Joyo's tanks slowly pick out SVC's at hasudrones 6 o'clock natural, while at the same time Joyo sends his bitchin army of wraiths at hasudrones 6 o'clock. But along with the help of a few goliaths hasudrone's army of wraiths is large enough to kill the threat.

While the joyo's wraiths are taken care of, his tanks are another problem for hasudrone and they slowly begin to cut into his 6 ' o'clock natural.  Hasudrone know has 7 starports and is able to quickly replenish his army of wraiths.  Just as hasudrone is able to begin cutting the tanks down with his wraiths, joyo sends in his next batch of wraiths. Joyo has know expanded to 9 o'clock, outside 3 o'clock, and to the front of 12 o'clock, while hasudrone has expanded to 3 o'clock. After a short scuffle with opposing wraiths hasudrone is finally able to kill all the opposing tanks near his base and be free of threat for the first time in a long time.  Both players have a lot of minerals, but very little gas and are fighting for open expansions.

Upon discovering hasudrone's 3 o'clock expo, joyo sends 2 tanks in, and make's quick work of a nice juicy cc and 2 supply depots beside it.  Both player's seem to settle in with making wraiths and soon both sides have collected a rather formidable army of cloak able wraiths.  Joyo decides that if hasudrone's going to let him hold all these expos with out contending for them, then he might as well expand more, so he expands to the 9 o'clock natural.  At the same time both players begin constructing turrets around there bases and out in the open.  Hasudrone also builds another CC at his 6 o'clock natural, and in front of his 6 io'clock main. Know the tides have changed, joyo know controls the map and most of the open minerals.  Hasudrone doesn't know about all of joyo's expansions ( through lackage of scouting.)  But he seems to somehow sense it, because he builds a control tower on all 7 of his starports... (could he be aiming towards BC's??)

Joyo, attempts to tank push hasudrone again, but hasudrone is able to kill the siege tanks with his massive army of excess SVC's  At this point hasudrone discovers joyo's 9 o'clock expo and over takes it with gollies, and then he himself expands there.  Moving from inside the 9 o'clock expo,  hasudrone begins to take out joyo's 6 o'clock natural, by sieging and unsieging his tanks.  With the loss of 2 expo's, joyo quickly expands to 3 o'clock, and the 3 o'clock natural that he kicked hasudrone out of earlier.

Hasudrone begin's constructing barracks way back in the corner of his base, so that his opponent wont know his change of strategy, soon hasudrone has a nice pile of secretly made M&M's waiting in front of his base.  Everything was going smooth for hasudrone until joyo got a lucky scan in that caught all of hasudrones gosu, hidden rax's.  Joyo instantly changes strategy's from wraiths to M&M's as well, constructing 5 rax's immediately and quickly equaling hasudrones M&M force.   Joyo continues to build rax's until he has 8 and then proceeds to build M&M's until 200/200.  When joyo reach's his psi max he gathers his marine's and medics and sends them straight at hasudrones 6 o'clock, they collide with hasudrones army of M&M's.

The horror that ensues is only horror for hasudrone, because his army is ripped apart limb by limb.  Joyo only destroys hasudrones expansion on top of 6 o'clock and then pulls back, afraid that hasudrone may have more (which he doesn't).  Joyo replenishes his M&M supply and then sends them back at hasudrone, attacking his 9 o'clock expansions.  At the same time hasudrone finally has enough dough to start BC's on all 7 of his starport's and quickly does.  So as joyo rips through hasudrones expo's, hasudrone

prays his fully upgraded BC's will pop out before the M&M's attack his main at 6 o'clock.  So know its a race (although joyo doesn't realize it.)  Joyo kills hasudrones expos and moves onto his main with a large army of M&M's.  But luckily hasudrone's 7 BC's morph out just as joyo's M&M force arrives and the BC's destroy the M&M's with ease.  The tides of the battle turn just like that, and then just like that Joyo has exited the game.  Victor: Hasudrone Thank you for reading what will probably be my final report for a while, due to the fact that my report card just reached us through the mail.