"Lay Slings plz Col thnx gw"
-SailrPengn
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| The most messed-up game, ever. | | | Author: | | | IP: | XXXX | | Date: | 07/08/99 10:07 | | Game Type: | Starcraft | | Labels: | Starcraft(1), Text Only(1) | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 3, Max: 9, Min: 6
Lifetime Rating for JSH: 7.1000 |   | The Game: Vanilla "Where did I get that nickname?" SC.
The Map: Orbital "Mark4's Hunters" Death.
The Players: The Heroic, Skillful, and Somewhat Handsome -=JSH=- and, um, 7 other people.
And so it was that on 7.6.1999 a game called "4v4 JOIN!!!!!!!!" was created out of sheer nothingness. Generally, 4v4 games are also referred to as "laggy", "gay", "rushfest" and some other colorful names. But that did not deter me from joining. After all, I have a blazing fast 56k modem (compared to my 19.2 shitbox at college) so I won't lag. Honest.
Through some act of God, the required number of players actually entered the game. Through what must have been another act of God, everyone had green lag. Could a 4v4 game actually take place?
The host tries to insert a minor, insignificant rule called "no rush 20 minutes", but everyone ignores him.
The game begins.
Teams
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JSH's Team: Green (me), Red, Purple, Blue
Not JSH's Team: White, Yellow, Brown, Orange
You knew it couldn't happen. Good old Blue suddenly has a severe case of stuttering lag, causing himself to be dropped out of the game. Poop.
Through bystander apathy (aka no one says anything to change the game type), the game now becomes a 3v4. But what's this? Red won't ally? He's already allied with the other team? Great! Fortunately, through my powers of coercion and diplomacy, I persaude the misguided individual to ally with the correct team.
Oh crap, there are 6 zerglings running into my base from Orange. Time to make the SCV's fight. They win. And there was much rejoicing.
Now what's going on? The host wants a 2v2v2v2? I try to explain that only 7 people are here. One person on the other team agrees to go alone (Brown I think). So now we have a 2v2v2v1. Kind of odd that everyone agreed to it. Oh well. Purple unallies me, so therefore I'm with Red.
However, Orange and White are also a team. Because there are two ramp chokes leading into a base, they try a nifty keen pincer attack with zerglings and zealots. But because my opponents suck, I sustained no casualties.
Remember Purple? Well when he was allied with me for that brief time, I watched him a little. And guess what? He sucks too. So I choose to kill him with a group of 12 marines. On the way to Purple's base, which is right next to mine, I pass 8 Yellow photon cannons a little ways off the path guarding the choke into what presumably is Yellow's base. Goody. I think I'll just right-click past those little guys and not wake them up *sneak sneak sneak*.
Ah, my partner is also assisting my attack with 12 marines of his own. We charge up Purple's unguarded ramp choke and lay waste to his almost-unguarded buildings. I think we had to kill 2 zealots or something. Anyway, he is eliminated. *sneak sneak sneak past the photon cannons again*
I comsat Orange's base to my south and I see 8 hydras and 2 sunkens. I have 24 marines. Mwahahaha....I ask my partner for assistance but he shows his complete lack of tactical knowledge by charging single-file into the base. Without me. Wonderful. So I display some basic fundamentals by massing outside the base, stimming, laying waste to the hydras and sunkens, and then the drones and buildings. Orange dies.
"I think we all should attack Red from my side," booms a voice. Let's analyze that statement. There are 5 people left in the game, and there should be 3 teams, 1 with 1 person. However, by inserting the word 'all' into his statement, I infer that the 3 people not on my team have decided to ally up. Or what probably happened, they never unallied at all.
That voice was Brown's. So Brown must die now. But recon shows that he has cannoned off BOTH of his chokes. Oh isn't this fun. So I take my tanks and destroy one set of cannons while my partner works on the other. Some jogging zealots from White attempt to reinforce, but of course they are blown away. Naturally, Brown has no interior defense and his entire base crumbles into ruin. He leaves.
Only White and Yellow are left to beat now. Yellow offers this insightful piece of wisdom:
"We're on the same team, right White?"
35 minutes in, and we still don't know what team we're on.
Now it's White's turn to die. My partner has made some Wraiths and flies them into White's base where he encounters no interior defense. Since I have only ground right now, I have to go through his cannons. At this point I didn't care too much anymore and was just attack-moving tanks and goliaths through sporadic cannons. They did fine. But a couple of strange Goodyear Blimps make an appearance. We know what these are, right? CARRIERS!!! Fortunately there are only 2 and my goliaths slaughter them. White dies.
"Now do we have a FFA?" asks Yellow innocently.
Our silence indicates our response.
I scan him and he has cannons at his choke (remember those earlier), 6 zealots, and 6 dragoons. It's about 45 minutes in now. That gateway he has must really be chugging along. Needless to say, he dies miserably, asking about something called "allying" as blue flames erupt from his buildings.
Strange game.
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