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in "Worms: How hard is yours?"
Battlefield
One of allegedly, 40 kazillion (directly FROM
Team17) random landscapes
Wormy Contestants
Me (Goonz On Crackz)
The LEVEL 5 computer (Freaky-Moron, equivelent of
playing 6 mark4's in starcraft, assuming they're blindfolded)
The LEVEL 1 computer (CPU-1, equivelent of playing
me in starcraft)
Let the worm-bashing begin!
 Well, first off, I started with my
normal 2 hatch to the exp.....wait, sorry about that. Let's try it again! The game started
off with the enemy worms, with the code name "Freaky-Moron" being the first team
having the chance to go. They thought for a moment, before deciding to have a faithful
worm, trusted by all of his best buds, named Kyle, shot a low-level bazooka at 2 enemy
worms, one from the rather dumb CPU-1 (what kinda of freaky-moronic worms name there team
CPU-1?....hmm, maybe they're allied......just hiding it) and one from the team of yours
truly, Goonz On Crackz. It didn't do much damage as you can see from a field shot, but it
did open up a gaping whole in the small hole we we're playing in down in the park.
 Lucky for me, and the dim-witted cpu-1, there was almost no
damage taken, and we we're able to safely move onto the next turn, the Dim-Witted CPU
would go next. Over about......10 inches from the First Blood , a
jock-type worm named Buzz had begun conflicting with one of the Freaky-Moron worms, named
flusher. Currently un-intelligent enough to think it would do damage, he shot a bazooka at
the small wooden plank Flusher was standing on! It did little more than push fluser into a
ditch with another CPU-1 worm.
Now, it was time to get to bizzness. My pimp-ass worm named "Honey
The Cat" was sitting near the edge of the terran, but easily ninja roped up next to a
CPU-1 Worm named Clogghoper. Honey then procedded to select the deadly Firepunch,
intending to throw Clogghoper off of the platform! She succeded, unfortunately due to the
presence of the weapon select screen I didn't get a good shot at the carnage.
Remeber the dim-witted buzz from a few momments
back? and how he tried to actually assassinate a Freaky-Moron worm named
"Flusher"? Well, flusher got his vengence! He nimbly tossed a lowly hand-grenade
next to Buzz who was...Skating on thin terrain as you might say, and was drowned in the 7
inch deep puddle below the worms. Now the odds we're stacked  against
the dim-witted and now out numbered CPU-1, but they continued to fight on, this
time, through the aid of a relativlely inteelligent worm called Nursey. The bastard worm
tossed a grenade at our medic, (not really) Dr. wOrm! That bastard must die!
It was my turn to do the beating, but I had no
direct way to kill the bastard Nursey worm, so I decided to drop a stick of acme dynamite,
and then flee like the wimpy dark-side wormer that I'm NOT. Unfortunately I fleed him
directly next to his comrade, Dr. wOrm, who happened to be on a cliff above.
The fool that both Dr.wOrm and
Uzi Uzer had landed next to, wanted blood, but he did not feel like shedding his own. So
he got the bastard Nursey worm, because she had sent un-invited guests to his previously
peaceful home. All he felt the need to do was ram a bazooka up her ass though, but all he
could do was knock her from her perch.
Once again, the foolish CPU-1 would get to go, but all they
accomplished was knocking 2 of there worms together, making a very easy target for mark4,
the guns expert, to hit. Mark4, however, was in a much different mood, and decided to
approach the situation with a round of auto-matic worm drowners (on thin, right above
water terran) Dynamite
Shrapnel of the Freaky-Morons,
also a guns expert, had a go this time, and decided to collect a weapon crate,
unfortunately my spies we're unable to detect the contents of the box, but the box is not
what matters. What matters is what he did after that. He killed Mark4. Yes. That's right.
He killed mark4. Oh how I envy him....I meant loathe him...right (note to self, name a
worm after HolyAnarchy{GK}, and suicide it on first move of every game) The shotgun user
gets 2 rounds per turn, and he used the other to kill two MORE of my worms! Honey The Cat
and total loser, innocent bystanders I tell you!
Right about now things we're
perrrdy damn dim for CPU-1 and I, for our forces COMBINED barely stood up to the
mighty roar of Freaky-Moron. We did not concede, we presesd on
.
Gas Pipe, the worm
sharing a cove with Flusher, decided to attempt to drown Shrapnel, but barely nudged him
off of his perch. Dr. wOrm was next, and wanted vengance on the Freaky-Morons. He took it
out on Lardman, who happened to be in close proximity of him. Dr.wOrm did a deadly
Firepunch manuever, knocking Lardman into the hole leading to the water, which had
ironicly been created by Kyle, a teamate, now dead, on the first move! Flusher, now taking
up copy-catting, firepuched Gas Pipe up to the ledge with Shrapnel on it.Unfortunately
this also destroyed another one of the Freaky-Moron worms, which happened to bein the way
of the fire punch. 
Time to take out the trash! Uzi Uzer, one of my last 2
worms, set himself up on a ninja rope journey to the other side of the terrain. This could
possibly end the battle for the small plot of park-type land, so he did it as best as
possible, he made it safely over there, but realized he was very low on weapons! His only
logical option would be to use a bazooka, but that would take valuble seconds aiming that
he just DIDN't have! The clock was ticking down fast, so he pulled out the bazooka, aimed,
and fired! DIRECT HIT! The two remaining non-Goonz On Crackz worms had been successfully
knocked into the bloodfilled pond below! Goonz On Crackz was victorious!
Lessons Learned
-It's very...very...FUN to report on Worms: Armageddon games! Hilarious
even when you try to piece the game together from your pictures, with the aid of a crappy
hyper-cam video taking them 10 seconds apart, which just isn't fast enough
- I needed more marines. Marines & Medics would've won me this game no
prob. Even though I did win.
- I spent about a week (about 2 hours a day) on this, because I had to go
back and re-stage several of the pictures, because they frankly didn't look quite right.
- This is gonna get a 2.0 because I posted within 24 hours of YRM's
official "Retirement" battlereport (read his comments)
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