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| The Great Calvin and Hobbes Rip Off!! | | | Author: | | | IP: | dt0f4n84XXXX | | Date: | 02/12/00 03:02 | | Game Type: | Starcraft | | Labels: | Famous Reporter(1), Starcraft(1), Old Classic(1), Problem: Broken Images(1), Funny(1) | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 4, Max: 10, Min: 10
Lifetime Rating for ::nobody::: 9.0000 |  | By now you should know that clicking on a ::nobody:: report will subject you to Smithsonian caliber pictures that take a while to load… be patient. =) I wanted to keep with the theme, so it kind of has text, then a large comic like panel to tell the story, so there are quite a few pics =)
Hello and welcome to “The Great Calvin and Hobbes Rip Off”!! For all-intensive purposes, during this report I am Bill Watterson, the creator of Calvin and Hobbes and God of all that is funny. As I was thinking of the next revolutionary BR, I looked to a genre that hadn’t been attacked yet…the newspaper comics!
Setting:
After the most recent meeting of G.R.O.S.S (Get Rid Of Slimy girlS) Calvin and Hobes were at it again…fighting. Disagreeing over the merits of “smooching” girls, Calvin and Hobbes’ words had turned to blows. This time, however, it wasn’t a normal fight, I mean the two were PISSED. Hobbes, looking to gain an advantage, allied himself with Calvin’s worst enemy: Moe the bully. Calvin, in retaliation, allied himself with his Snowman. The two prepared for battle…
Characters:
Playing the Part of Calvin is the well known Bob-the-Newt. Having never met Bob, I always pictured him as similar to the picture on the left =P Bob is our protagonist for this game and shall be hereafter refered to as Calvin. He and his partner, the Snowman, seemed to be confident going into battle (at least as confident as a boy and a Snowman can be).
Playing the part of the Snowman is everybody’s favorite: Mogalin. I wasn’t sure what character Mog would be best as, but I figured he’d be honored to be a lump of snow. I kinda also pictured Mog as looking like this picture to the right… =P
Sharandar plays the part of the orange striped full-ball: Hobbes. Sharandar was the perfect fit for Hobbes because of his calm manner, great attitude, but ferocious playing style. His allience with Moe doesn’t make him too happy, but his Tiger pride wont let him lose the fight. (Once again, I picture Sharandar as very Hobbesish =P)
Playing the part of Moe the bully is Upgraded_probe. Probe fit the requirements perfectly because he was loud, mean, and obnoxious. He pushed Hobbes around in their allience and thought he was king of the world. From the get-go he had victory on his mind and almost nothing would stop him. Moe will really get brutalized by me in this report, but hey, if you act like a bully, prepare to get bullied =)
Map:
I assume that everyone is aquainted with the infamous valleys ;), so I’ll be quick:
Calvin spawns as orange zerg at 6:00
Snowman receives yellow zerg at 3:00
Hobbes gets teal protoss at 5:00
Moe starts as blue terran at 12:00
With all this crazy information in mind, let’s get to the game!!
The First Panel
I, as the cartoonist, was pleased to see the race matchups…would the zerg swarm be able to overcome the toss/terran combo? Or would superior technology reign over the bio-matter of the zerg? Only time (and my pen) would tell.
Both teams started with their focus on expanding. On such a large map, resources were key and the players knew this. I would have guessed that Calvin was probably focused on buying a time machine, Hobbes focused on donating the money to an environmental charity, the Snowman looking to buy a new carrot nose, and Moe hoping to get some brass knuckles… their real hopes were quite different. Calvin expanding to his natural and looked to be teching toward cracklings and mutas, hoping to gain mobility on the map. Snowman expanded to the natural outside of the 2:00 starting position and had hydras on his mind. Hobbes teched quickly to shuttles and reavers with practically no base defense and expanded to 2 (!!) of the high ground island expansions. Moe also used the terran’s float ability to expand to two high ground islands while continually pumping M&M&F. This would turn out to be quite interesting because the two zerg had less expansions than the toss terran combo. Moe was angry at Hobbes’ plan and kept yelling at him to make stuff and play better. Hobbes, however, remained calm and continued with his plan. The first move of the game was made by the sneaky Hobbes and at quite an ironic moment...
Hobbes had managed to land a probe on the high ground above the Snowman’s main base and was warping in 3 cannons to strike the unsuspecting drones. As the cannons were warping, Snowman commented “It’s safe to say 50 drones at my main is sufficient” To compliment the cannons, Hobbes also dropped one reaver to add to the chaos. Snowman’s hydras couldn’t hit the cannons very well and were devastated by the reaver. His large mining operation was shut down, but he was still alive because the cannons couldn’t reach his base and he still had an expansion for mining.
Calvin now had a choice. He could either use his now fairly large group of mutas to kill the cannons (now 4) and suffer heavy losses, or he could go in search of revenge… and revenge is what he got. His mutas were able to find Hobbes’ undefended main base and raze it completely. Hobbes was completely calm because he had intelligently placed two stargates at one of his expansions and waited for the corsairs to arrive. Moe, however, was not pleased. Snowman was just happy to see someone who offensive cannoned go down. Hobbes and the Snowman had been hit hard, but were far from devastated…
The Second Panel
Nevertheless, Snowman was far from safety because Moe was bringing a squad of M&M to finish of the yellow base. Moe, as we all know, isn’t that bringht, however, and spend a few minutes wandering around looking for the entrance to the Snowman’s base. When he finally arrived, Snowman was able to put up some stiff resistance with hydras, but in the end Moe’s M&M triumphed, finishing off the base. Calvin would have been their to help, but was encountering some difficulties of his own. He had taking the opportunity to expand to the natural outside of the 7:00 starting spot and was having trouble with Hobbes’ corsair squad. After Snowman’s base was razed, Calvin hoped to gain another surprise attack and sent a flood of marines at Moe’s main. Moe, while stupid, was ready. His M&M ripped the lings into blood soup. This failed attack did give Snowman time to expand to the 9:00 natural. The game was heating up…
The Third Panel
As you can see, Moe had some choice words for not only his opponents, but Hobbes as well. Hobbes took it all in stride and began construction of a fleet beacon by his cannons over Snowman’s old main. As Snowman rebuilt, Moe looked to counter Calvin’s attack with an attack of his own. He concentrated his troops in the middle which consisted of Wraiths and M&M, along with some of Hobbes’ corsairs. Luckily for Calvin, some of his scouting lings saw the threat and some guardians were quickly morphed. Moe then charged in… In a bloody battle Calvin’s guardians were tearing apart the M&M. The wraiths and Corsairs tried to target the guards, but Cavin’s mutas, as well as some of Snowman’s new mutas were able to keep the air attacks slow. Had Moe waited to bring in the M&M, Calvin may have had some real trouble, but instead he was able to hold his ground. Calvin lost all his guardins, but Moe lost his ground force and Hobbes lost his carriers. While Moe was busy yelling at Hobbes about his corsair use, the pendalum was swinging in favor of the zerg duo…
The Fourth Panel
Following this battle, Moe expanded to his natural and Hobbes was going for carriers. Snowman looked to expand to the 2:00 starting position, but some of Moe’s wraiths caught the attempt and slowed progress down until Snowman’s mutas saved the expansion… for about 10 seconds until Hobbes arrived with more corsairs. Hobbes, however, wasn’t able to finish off the expansion because, as Moe put it, “Stop building sairs! They don’t have ground attack!” Hobbes must have been getting tired of Moe’s bossy attitude… Finally, some carriers arrived to finish off the expansion. Meanwhile, Calvin and Moe were duking it out for the center. Mass lings met M&M and blood spilled over the field. I guess Calvin was tired of Moe taking his lunch money =P Moe started to advance into Calvin’s base, but then Calvin made a great move… Dark Swarm!! Dark Swarm blanketed the lings as they ripped about group after group of M&M. About 10-20 lings held of an incountable number of marines. Hobbes attempted to help Moe with carriers, but the carriers were simply plauged and attacked by mutas… Calvin also used lings to raze one of Hobbes attempted expansions at the 5:00 natural. Calvin was on a roll…
The Fifth Panel (hey, it’s a long comic =P)
It was at this time that Calvin remarked, “THIS BETTER BE A BR!!” And, like magic, it is =) Unfortunately for Calvin, his partner, the Snowman, was unable to find firm ground anywhere. His expansions kept getting destroyed and Moe kept pumping M&M while Hobbes’ carries loomed on the horizion. Snowman was able to destroy one of Moe’s mined out expansions, but this only served to open more supply room for Moe. Calvin had managed to keep both opponent at bay, but had to find a way to defeat the tide of M&M… he had one more trick up his sleeve. 
That’s right, burrow. Calvin used his expert digging skills to bury about two control groups of kings out side of his main base. As Moe’s marines charges in, sensing an easy victory, the lings popped up. They tore up quite a few marines, but unfortunately, the stimmed firebats were able to toast them. It was a great idea, and well executed, but it wasn’t quite enough. As Moe said earlier, it was difficult, but he had finally reached Calvin’s main. At the same time, Hobbes was absolutely brutalizing Snowman with corsairs and a huge carrier fleet. 
Snowman was reduced to only a simple high ground island expansion above 7:00 when Hobbes was done with him. Moe then thought it would be funny to taunt Calvin. To finish off Calvin’s main, hie brought in a group of Scienve Vessels and started irradiating everything in site…overlords, drones, etc. He even tried to irradiate his own SV and hold it over some burrowed drones…this, of course, did nothing except evoke a laugh from Calvin.
The SVs and Carriers then finished off the last of Snowman’s mutas and his last base…the Snowman was gone. Suddenly I realized something.. Moe was going to win!! This was completely wrong in my mind and as I looked I realized something else, Moe has no minerals left, he had mined out all his bases. As the cartoonist, it was my patriotic duty to declare that Calvin and Hobbes kill Moe. Calvin and Hobbes realized that they weren’t mad at each other anymore and Hobbes was tired of taking orders from Moe. As Calvin’s lings and Hobbes carriers stormed Moe’s base, Moe ran away. Needless to say, Moe was not pleased about this backstab, but he was such a jerk to everyone that no one really cared. I will give him the credit of playing the best, but it doesn’t matter because your winners are: CALVIN AND HOBBES!!
I hoped you all liked that report, and I apologize for the numerous copyright infringements =P Just remember that none of the drawings are mine and we’ll all be ok. Thanks to the players for playing amd I must say, it was an honor to BR this. If you wanna check out something cool, I have included a shameless plug for a friend of mine who is desinging a web magazine =) It is only a few poems and articles right now, but I have some work up, so check it out! www.linuxbox.com/~thinker/zine Thank you all for reading and have a nice day =)
Ciao!
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