Welcome to my first report on Clan Recruitment. What is my goal? To get myself into a kickass clan of course. What other reason would I have to play Starcraft?

I started out in a few Brood War USA-{insert number here} channels. Since it was Saturday morning, I was having a hard time finding those "join our clan" bots and instead, kept getting spammed by "make lots of cash" bots. I was about to give up my quest due to lack of fun when suddenly a message flashed across the screen:

Come to channel DOV to join a kickass clan. We have great players, a great ratings system, and an awesome page. Come to the channel now to see if you've got the stuff to join us.

"Original Name," I said.
"Hehe," he replied.

I double-clicked his profile and saw that he was a 23 year old player with an 8-3 record. His profile was also blank. I went back into the channel.

"Can I try out for your clan?" I asked.
"Sure," Leader replied, "join dov/dov"

The map he had chosen for my test was Desert BGH. I began to download the map.

"You don't have this map?" he asked incredulously.
"Nope," I replied, "Let's play on Lost Temple."

He agreed and changed the map.

We both went random. I received Protoss at 12:00, he received Terran at 6:00.

Early Game:

I sent my first 9 dragoons down to his choke and immediately expanded to the 3:00 starting position. I maynarded 8 probes over cloning each one to a different mineral patch. I kept pumping probes out of both nexuses and shortly thereafter expanded to my mineral only expansion. In the meantime, I continued reinforcing the troops at his choke with goons and speed upgraded zealots out of the 4 gateways that I had at home.

Mid Game

I built a robo facility and then a shuttle, I loaded the shuttle up with a probe and a templar and sent them over to the top left island expansion. Then I started observers. I sent the first one to his island expansion. Turrets forced my observer to retreat. "Uh oh," I thought. My next observer went to his natural. I was shocked to find it empty. I didn't take my natural due to my fear of turbo newbies but with the ability to protect the 6:00 natural with tanks on the cliff, he had no excuse for not taking his.

I moved my observer a little closer to his base and on the cliff above his natural there were 6 turrets, 3 bunkers and 6 tanks. He was turtling! That's why I was surprised when my third observer went to the 9:00 starting spot and found a command center and 3 mining SCVs. Two bunkers were being built at the choke. I quickly sent 12 speed upgraded zealots. They ran by the bunkers and head straight for the command center. However, they took no hits from the bunkers because they were empty. He lifted off the command center and headed it back to his main. I left the observer patrolling the 9:00 main and natural.

Late Game:

My ground upgrades were now 3/3/2 and my air upgrades were 2/1. My troop count was 12 zealots, 12 dark templar, 24 dragoons, four corsairs with dweb, and 4 carriers.

I cloned the corsairs so that they covered the entire front of his cliff with dweb. Then I moved in the carriers and the ground troops. I levelled his base in approximate 1 minute losing 3 zealots. Then I sent the carriers over to the island and quickly demolished it.

After the game, we returned to the channel.

"Wow, you're awesome!" Leader~DOV~ said.
":-)" I replied.
"You can definitely join," he said.
"Wow, thanks!" I said.

Then I left the channel, never to return. I went to the clan website and posted a briefer version of this battlereport on their message forum. Then I went off in search of another clan.

To be continued...

Part 2 begins with me leaving Channel DoV and heading for Channel Clan Recruitment in search of another clan that would suit my needs and help me to reach my ultimate goal. To recap, what is my ultimate goal?

To find a clan who will accept me into their fold and help me to feel accepted and special.

The Search Begins...

Record test required, hmmm, well since my melee record is 33-0-1 (from playing 32 games on maps like Small Divide and Baby Steps) I figured I should do okay.

Sure enough, )F(A-MASTER (notice the cool parentheses wings on the 'F') immediately asked me if I wanted to join.

"Isn't there some sort of test?" I asked.
"Yeah, there is a record test and you passed." he replied.
"But what if these 33 wins are from 3v1 comps?" I asked.

At that moment, another person entered the channel. His name was )F(A-Bromine.

"IA has taken over our channel!!" he said, presumably to Master.
"Send all your bots to their channel on a split server," Master replied.

It appears that this clan was having a bot war with another clan and the other clan had just gotten the upper hand by taking over -FA- , the clan's official channel.

With all their chatter, they forgot about me and so I was forced to move on.

The Search Continues...

To join a cool new clan with elite members message me.

"Come to channel WoN," was the reply. I entered the channel and Frieza was there waiting for me. I double-clicked his profile and found out that he was 13 years old and the leader of this "new" clan. His record was 0-0-0.

I went back into the channel.

"How long has this clan existed?" I asked.
"About 10 minutes." Frieza replied.
"Oh," I said.
"I'm not a newbie," he quickly said. "Stat Rock'sa'. Type /Stats Rock'sa' okay?"
"Okay," I said.
"Do you want to join this clan?" He asked.
"What do I have to do to join?" I asked.
"Create an account that ends with -{WoN)" he told me.

It doesn't get any easier than that folks. However, I wasn't going to join a clan without testing out the skills of the "leader" so I asked him, "Don't I have to take some sort of test?"

"I suppose so," he replied, "join won/won."

I did just that and began downloading the map "The Hunters". It was a use map settings map with 5 slots for Force 1 and 3 slots for Force 2. He told me to go down to force 2. I told him that The Hunters was too big to play 1vs1. He didn't want to switch because this particular Hunters version had lots of minerals (imagine that), but I insisted so he agreed to The Lost Temple.

Upon entering the game, I saw that he had already chosen Zerg and so I chose Terran. He started the game. I began at 9:00, he started at 6:00.

Early Game:

When I asked him what Namek was he replied:

Dragon Ball Z?? Hmmm...

Since it was Lost Temple, I figured that an 8 depot, 10 rax, 12 rax would be safe. My gamble paid off. As my scouting SCV started up the ramp into the 6:00 main, it was met by 6 zerglings on the way out. They quickly disposed of my SCV and then continued on their merry way. I was a little worried because I had just started training my first marine and my 2nd barrack wasn't quite finished yet. However, nothing came up my ramp and I rallied my marines to the top of my ramp and started working on a refinery, a third barrack, and an academy.

Finally, after I had 12 marines standing at the top of my ramp, 6 zerglings in single file formation charged my position. One by one, my marines poked them full of holes with their weapons and a pool of blood flowed down my ramp into the valley below.

"You win," said Freiza.

I fully expected him to quit at that point, but the game went on.

Mid Game:

Just before the ComSat faded, the drone that I circled in yellow began work on a Hydra Den.

I built a Command Center on the cliff overlooking my natural and then floated it into position. I also built a second factory and 2 engineering bays for double upgrades. I was mining my natural and my main at full speed now and I had 48 infantry units and 6 tanks and was about to go on the offensive when suddenly, spines started attacking my infantry. Doh, I hadn't built any turrets yet. However, the six tanks on the cliff overlooking my natural quickly ended the lives of the 5 lurkers in the valley below. The lurkers succeeded in killing 4 marines and a firebat. I built a couple of turrets at my choke and scanned the choke to his base. He had 4 lurkers burrowed their for defense.

I decided to build a couple of science vessels before attacking. I built a starport and then a science facility. I researched irradiate and had just built my first science vessel when suddenly, 8 mutas flew over my main. I had 3 marines in my base because the rest of my infantry was in my choke. The mutalisks were obviously friendly though because they started attacking my Starport instead of heading over to my mineral line. I stimmed my 24 marines and moved them towards the mutalisks. The medics followed and when the dust settled, the mutas had succeeded in destroying my Starport and I had succeeded in destroying all the mutalisks.

After destroying the threat, I expanded to my mineral only expansion.

End Game:

He then said:

Presumably because his main was running out of minerals and he hadn't expanded yet.

I kept building infantry and tanks at home and moved my original force of 48 infantry and 6 tanks accompanied by 4 science vessels to his base.

I quickly removed the lurkers that were guarding his base and then moved up the ramp. At that moment, I was attacked by 4 guardians. I quickly irradiated them and then plowed across his line of sunkens. As I was destroying his main base, he gave me vision and I saw that he had a hatchery morphing in at the bottom corner island.

I loaded a dropship and flew it over to the hatchery.

En route, I was asked 4 times if I would ally. "Please please please," were his final words as his final hatchery exploded into bloody fragments.

I left Channel WoN disappointed. Would I ever find a truly great clan that was willing to take me in?

To be continued...

HOW TO JOIN A CLAN (Part 3)

Once again it is time to continue my quest to find a kickass clan that will make me feel welcomed and special in the Starcraft community.

The Search Begins...

I logged onto B.Net at 10:35am and headed straight for the clan recruitment channel. A bot spamming the Channel Nightbreed caught my eye. This clan had a web page, rankings, and I had ICQ so this looked to be the perfect fit. However, I obviously wasn't the only one who thought so because upon entering, 5 other prospective members were already ahead of me. I messaged the only clan member in the channel named ~NB~StardawgX who seemed to be the one recruiting. I told him that I wanted to join. He told me to go to the page and sign up.

I visited http://www.homestead.com/nightbreed and found a clan sign-up page. The sign-up page asked me for my e-mail, ICQ number, loacation, b.net name, etc. etc. After filling in a bunch of bogus information I returned to the channel.

"I'm ready to be tested," I said.
"You'll have to wait," he replied, "I'm the only clan member online."

At that moment, another person in the channel messaged me.

"Do you want to join my clan?" Nexus_Man asked, "I am the leader."
"Sure," I replied, "What do I have to do?"
"Come to channel (MK)," he said.

I did that and checked his profile. He was an 8 year old player and leader of the Mighty Knights.

"I need to test you," he said.
"Okay," I replied, "Wanna do a 1vs1 on Lost Temple?"
"No," he said, "join nex/nex"

I entered the game and began downloading a strange V-Tec map. Suddenly, it dawned on me. This was paintball!! I should have known.

"I don't think you're what I'm looking for," I said and left the game.

The Search Continues...

"Do you still want to join the clan?" he asked (he must have received my form).
"Sure!" I replied.
"Okay," he said, "I will test you. Join nb/nb"

"Now we're talking," I thought.

I joined his game. I immediately began dowloading a map. It was called "StardawgX's $$Mucho Money$$"

As I downloaded, we got into an argument about which type of map took more skill, regular starcraft maps, or mucho money maps. His contention was that having to expand was unbalanced and since in mucho money maps you could have 1 base and still win, then the game was more balanced.

Finally I said, "Look, if you're gonna test me on this newbie map, then you're obviously not the clan I'm looking for." Then I left the game.

In the channel, I said, "I'll make a deal with you, I'll go create my new clan name if you'll play me 1vs1 on Lost Temple. Surprisingly he agreed to this so I logged off and created a new account.

I returned to the channel with the name ~NB~S`Jess. I then said, "join jess/jess."

He immediately chose terran so I chose protoss. I started the game and was just building my first pylon when I received the message "~NB~StardawgX has left the game". He had lost his nerve! Frustrated, I returned to the channel and did a /where on him. He had logged off B.Net.

The Search Goes On...

I got up to Brood War USA-8. I was scrolling through the names in the channel when Soviet_JDPM said, "For a game, come to channel Soviet."

I quickly joined the channel and he was there waiting. I double clicked on his profile and saw that he was a lieutenant in the Soviet Clan and his record was 4-0-2. But the most interesting thing that I found was in his description:

Sure enough, when I returned to the channel, he wanted to know if I wanted to play a comp game? I ignored his question and asked him if his clan was recruiting members. He told me yes. I asked him if I could join. He told me that he would test me in a Comp Stomp game. I told him that I would rather do a 1vs1. He agreed to this, but said that we would have to play a comp stomp afterward. I agreed.

I created a melee game on The Lost Temple. He immediately chose Zerg so I chose Terran and then started the game.

Early/Mid Game:

Not too big, not too small. This just might work out.

As in my last test game, I went with an 8 depot, 10 barracks, 12 barracks build. I sent my SCV out to scout and found Soviet_JPDM in the last place I looked. As my SCV rolled into his base, he was attacked by sunkens and destroyed. I clicked over to his base and saw 3 sunkens with a fourth one morphing.

Sighing with relief, I built a refinery, a 3rd barack, an academy, and a factory. Then I constructed a Command Center on the cliff overlooking my natural expansion, an engineering bay, a 4th barrack, and a Comsat station. I was so busy building troops and buildings that I forgot to scan his base until my mana had built up to 100. I scanned his natural expansion first and saw a hatchery morphing there. Then I scanned his main and this is what I saw.

Wow, look at all those drones. If he maynards drones to his expansion he won't have any left at his main! I have 4 barracks and a factory. He has 1 hatchery to build troops out of and the only thing he can build is zerglings.

Well, I was feeling pretty confident at this point. I built a starport and then a science facility, a second engineering bay for double upgrades, a 5th and 6th barrack, and I expanded to my mineral only expansion.

When I had 3 Science vessels, I moved out a force of 24 marines, 12 medics, 6 tanks, and the Sci-vessels out to his base with another group of infantry and tanks back at home waiting to be called into action if needed (yeah right). Well, needless to say, it wasn't pretty. His entire troop count consisted of 18 zerglings and 2 hydras. I quickly crushed him.

Of course he had an excuse for why he lost so miserably, and I actually agree with him:

Post Game:

Notice his low unit score. I swear this guy made a total of 21 fighting units the whole game.

When we got back to the chat room, I decided that I wanted to get a little more clarification on what type of a clan this was. Soviet_JPDM and I had this conversation.

**My name is edited to protect my alter ego

After this conversation, he said, "That was pretty good, now we'll do a comp stomp."

I didn't reply, I just left the channel and logged off B.Net.

The End of a Quest:

Thanks for tuning in to my "How to Join a Clan" series. If you enjoyed it, tell me so in the comments section. If you are a clan leader and want to recruit me, please tell me how to contact you in the comments section. (haha)

Concluded