Sadly on the first attempt there was a muck up in the allying with observers and everyone seemed to end up losing the game. At this point Seamen disappeared, so another game was set up between Borg and Catalyst, with my Command Centre peering down on them from on high, like some fat deranged angel with no wings or head or stuff. Borg drew Terran, starting in the 4 O'Clock position, while Catalyst started as Zerg in the 1:30 base. Catalyst immediately sent his overlord south, happening upon Borg's base almost straight away. Borg got his SCV's to wave while the overlord continued south, eventually coming to rest over the 6 O'Clock main. Evidently Catalyst wanted to keep tabs on Borgs expansion plans. Back at Catalyst's base a hatchery is forming at his natural, while an extractor and a spawning pool are appearing in his main. Borg knows all this of course, because he's scouting with an SCV. After taking the trouble to stop and attempt to commando the new hatchery, Borg retreats the SCV back to his main.

This may have been a mistake. Catalyst already had a drone on it's way to the 12 O'Clock start position, ready to set up a third expansion. Borg would not find this expansion until very much later on.

Borg at this time had three barracks busy pumping out marines. These marines would not be enough to stop a scouting zergling from penetrating the base, which made it all the way to the back trailing blood around the place until niftily despatched by an SCV.

Catalyst started to prepare for a marine attack, building two sunken colonies at his natural and moving his zerglings in to defend. His expansion at 12 O'Clock was completely nude, Catalyst obviously relying on Borgish ignorance. Around this time I got bored and built an SCV, determined to be the decisive factor in whoever was to win this game.

Just as I was ready to move in and smash the zerg blockade, I noticed a green line heading for Catalyst's base, and what with discretion being the better part of valour, I parked my army and watched.

Around ten to fifteen marines and medics were going to attempt to storm Catalyst's base. Borg attacked to the right side, unsuccessfully attempting to outrange one of the sunkens, but eventually the marines gained victory over the two sunkens and the six zerglings that were defending the Zerg base. The champagne celebration did not last long for Borg as Catalyst spawned more zerglings who killed the marines and chased the medics home, only to be killed themselves by Borg's base defense which perhaps notably didn't include seige tanks yet.

Both players built up again in a matter of moments, Borg training new marines and medics and Catalyst forming two new sunken colonies and making lurkers. I decided to unleash my terrible wrath upon the Zerg base at around this point, but unfortunately my SCV was spotted by the sunken colonies and spent the rest of his brief career being rodgered to death.

Borg quickly got another army up outside Catalyst's base, hoping to press home the damage done in the first attack. Sadly Borg's marines were soundly beaten by the lurker stick, and he retreated his medic army back to his base.

While all this was going on Catalyst had been busy. His resource advantage was paying dividends, and wishing to play further on the strengths of the Zerg he had another hatchery morphing at the 10 O'Clock. Back in his main he started on a Queens nest and a Spire, with his hatcheries pumping hydralisks.

Borg in the meantime had built a fourth barracks, and a factory, complaining that his SCV's were gay and that they were not building anything. At about the time his factory came online he also expanded to the natural at the foot of his ramp. Neither player had started upgrading yet.

Alarm bells were obviously ringing in Borg's head as to his expansion CV, and he sent a marine out to investigate what was going on in the world. Catalyst was thinking the same thing, and the hydralisk and the marine met outside Borg's base. A funny episode ensued where the hydralisk spat at the marine while the marine simply walked up and down, seemingly attempting to scent the Zerg scout. This was further evidence to support Borgs belief that he was commanding the YMCA army.

Undeterred, Borg sent out another marine (who may or may not have been called Mandy) to scout the 8 O'Clock main, where he found an overlord. Borg made an unsuccessful attempt on the overlords life, all the while enduring Catalyst dissing his strat of massing marines vs a Zerg ramp. Borg, meanwhile, had other ideas. While he'd been scouting a starport with control tower had come online in his base, with a science facility hot on it's heels. Four dropships and a science vessel were duly turned out, and while Borg sent an SCV along to start an expansion at 8 O'Clock, the dropships were loaded with two tanks, about 15-20 marines and a handful of medics.

Unbeknown to Borg, Catalyst's overlord was still within visual range of his 8 O'Clock expansion, and a wing of Mutalisks arrived onseen, prompting Borg to cancel his Command Centre. Borg, seeking revenge, sent his dropship squadron up the middle of the map, bypassing Catalyst's naked new expansion on the middle island AND the nearly naked expansion made long ago at 12 O'Clock to come around the back of Catalyst's main.

Borg's seige tanks made short work of a couple of nearby Hydralisks, and for the first time in the game Borg looked like he might really threaten Catalyst. However, Catalyst's army was about five seconds walk away, and after a minor battle the drop was killed.

This was the beginning of the end for Borg. Catalyst's mutalisks had now become guardians, which swooped into the top of Borg's base, laying waste to the marines there. Borg's science vessel did well, killing four guardians with one well placed irradiate. The remains of Catalyst's ground force followed, and with Borg's troops able to offer little resistance Good Game's were exchanged.

This was my first battlereport, so comments are welcome. I know the game wasn't very good, but I had to do the best I could with the material available. Even though Borg played like a wimp, I would like to point out that he's a lot better than that.

Well, a bit better.

Finally, I wish for this sentence to be included in the quotes that appear at the tops of pages such as these simply because of this word: Woppajoppies. Answers on a postcard as to what it means, the first received may win a small prize.

Miserableman