| 1v1 Optik_Blade vs. Dagger OR: The Battle of the Blade =] [Krone's story] | | | Author: | | | IP: | dialup-2XXXX | | Date: | 05/05/00 07:05 | | Game Type: | Starcraft | | Labels: | none | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 1, Max: 8, Min: 8
Lifetime Rating for [{o}]: 6.9333 |  |
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[{o}] Ownz<br>
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AHOY THERE!!~!! This be Krone's side of tha story son! Taktiks' story should come out soon. Enjoy!
![Hurrah! Another BR by me. You may all rise from your bowing now.. =]](http://www.geocities.com/the_camera/br11/title.gif)
[{o}]: Hello! I am [{o}] for "The Late Show with [{o}]". Today, my guest is a very special one. Not only annoying, but he smells like crap too! Audience, please welcome _KroNe_ aka. _DaGGer_!!
Krone: Good to be on your show oh master!
[{o}]: No problem. Now you've recently had a battle with your arch nemesis, Ap'Taktiks, otherwise known as Optik_Blade. Could you tell us about that?
Krone:
12:00 P.M.
Hello and I'm Krone and I'm gay. I'm supposed to tell you a story about one of my good battles. So listen up. Here's a story about a Cerebrate. Everything was gay..err..good for me. And myself. And everybody around me. Until I got word about the arrival of some kind of transport. We didn't know if it was Zerg, we didn't know if it was the Gayrans and we didn't know if it were the Shmoetoss. I got the call from that sexy Kerrigan. She told me, in her exact words to "waste them mothafruckmers". Being loyal to my clan I replied with a strong "I'm gay and we are gonna kill those who are different looking than our ugly selves!!" I said in a commanding voice. Crazy, my personal sextoy backed me up by saying "I'm gay and everyone with me?" The Zerg forces all over responded with a cheer and I started to get ready for the arrival...
---I made the game on River Styx. Krone chose Zerg, Ap drew Terran from the randomness.---
12:30 P.M.
I don't think I mentioned that we were on the planet "I2E2 River Styx". Well we were. Ya know what it looks like, right? No? Well here's a picture of it. See, my gay units were stationed where the orange arrow is pointing. I started to bark out orders "5, 6, 7, 8th drones start building! Get that overlord scouting! Make another overlord! Tie me up and spank me!" Ya know, my usual orders. So anyways, after me and my favorite little zergling had our fun, I had one of my loyal servants make me a hatchery right over there. Yea where the orange X is. He and a few other dudes scurried their little hineys to the little X you see on the map and morphed into the icky egg most humans don't like to see. I saw that I was taking the advantage. River Styx is not nescicarily a big map but it winds and winds so troops need to travel a farther distance. Plus, I guessed the other guy wouldn't attack yet. So now I was "Phreakin It" and "Just Cruisin" in the planet called River Styx that looks a lot like "Miami". I just hoped that the "Men in Black" would come and shoot those aliens down whatever race they were. Wait, weren't we the bad guys in that movie? My thanks to "Will Smith" for all the great ideas BTW.
1:23 P.M.
Well, by now I had the Spawning Pool finished along with a good amount of drones and zerglings to protect me. I also had a few sunkens, just in case. My plan was to rush to mutas, and steroid-induced lings to keep my opponent at bay. I thought of this plan right after my opponent sent a suicide scout sending a message. The message was that the opponent was Terran and that he would "layeth the smackethdown" on my "candy" ass. I don't even have an ass. I'm just a big blob of jelly. Shows how much that guy knows. Anyways, my hatchery at my expansion finally finished morphing and I was ready to start mining. I "Maynard" transfered a few slaves over to my expansion and before I knew it, my minions had already gained that many minerals.
1:48 P.M.
A formidable offense was now in my power. I was starting my Spire now, lings playing cards until they were called up to do battle. I had one expansion already in tact and I was starting another one. I decided to skip grabbing lurkers cuz I don't like em. They are more uglier than I. I don't like that. Remember my plan of hyperling and mutas? I just thought of a great idea. I've lost many a battle to liarbats, mabeans and those sexy whores in white suits that make that little glowing thing with their hands. I just remembered that those idjiot humans target the unit that has the highest attack. I'll be able to use the mutalisks as a decoy while my hyperlings get cheap shots at the infatry. Good idea huh? Well that's just the genius I am. But that was now my plan for defense. My plan to finish em off with the combo of guardians and... more guardians. I just hoped the war wouldn't droll on until he got enough tech and money to afford valks. Those gals are devastating. And now with my master plan all set, I started to work on it. First came another expansion. Yea right where that orange X is. Then came a hatchery at my main base. That was followed by another expansion a few minutes later. I was gonna be rich soon!!
1:27 P.M.
 That crapass opponent was a smartass. He hit me right when I didn't expect it. But I was ready. A squad of fbats, rines, whores and a few tanks mixed in rumbled into my house. Through the back door. The back door being where the orange X is. Get acquainted with that orange X. Anyways, it hit me by surprise. Luckily, my brain was able to function with good speed at that time so I sent the zerglings I had and a few mutalisks mixed in. It eradicated the attack, but without no losses on my side. Most of my zerglings went down along with a few mutas. "Ahh, what the heck!" I said. "They're a dime a dozen anyways, just like those sexy human whores. Man I wish I was a Human =[." Well anyways, I finished off that attack pretty easily. No micromanagement needed.
1:33 P.M.
Now was the time to send in my tactical specialists. Some may call em cheese birds.  I call em mutas. They went in and out of the human's only expansion (to my knowledge) which was lightly protected by a few gunshooters in a bunker. I killed most of the slaves there, including a few marines before I got chase out by back up marines. My loss count there was only 2 of my 9 that went in. I would call that a success and a stalling tactic till I got my unit of choice, guardians.
1:50 P.M.
Another fuxing attack. That guy had the advantage. He brought in a whole more shitload this time. Those gayass things called SVs flew into my base =[.  SV prolly stands for sexy vagabond, considering how gay he is. What a gayass. He really pushes it to the limit when he passes gas on us. That's just really disgusting. Ya know, his gas smells SO bad that my minions die of the smell. That's pathetic. And that pathetic action he did against us this game. My minions were coughing and wheezing due to the smell but like the warriors they are, the still fought. My large force of about 60 lings and 12 mutalisks died to his Mark4s (marines), Zippo lighters (fbats), Pamela Andersons (sexy whore medics), 2 inches of dooms (tanks) and American dogfighting pilots, in female form (valks). My gargantuanhugemongouslargebigass army died to that force. Well, most of it. I was left with 4 zerglings. Yay. My expansion was also wiped out in that battle. Cuz that's where it took place. Right on the orange X. But you knew that already.
2:00 P.M.
 I think that's when I said to myself, I'm screwed. Well, I wasn't about to give up with my Greater Spire just seconds away from finished. I gotta ask Kerrigan to remodel those Greater Spires. Mebbe put some nice sky blue curtains on it, some flowers would be nice. Hey! I just noticed there are no windows on it! Gotta have windows in a Spire. Oh well, I hope she'll consider. I kept up with my muta raids and I hoped that it would slow him down some. Just when I had 7 guardians, he attacked once again. This time, instead of my units intercepting his at the expansion, he went the untraveled way. The backdoor he went and my new hatchery was shot down into goo. I tried my best to halt the attack from coming into my main base, and sent the masses. Muta after muta went down. Zerglings could not fare much better than the muta. The only thing that did save me was my guardians. It took out the force easily, due to my guardians range. I felt relieved. After a while of thinking, I decided to attack my opponent with some guardians to see if he had any defense. Unfortunatley, I was greeted by flurries of missles, coming from the devastating valkeries. I knew I had no chance so I ordered some drones to unhook me from the ground and carry me off to safety.
^ ^
o o
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Flurry of Pix::
[{o}]: Wow! What a battle that was! Now for the sex joke of the night. Krone, would you do the honors?
Krone: Sure thing butt buddy. Here it is:
A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly. "Quick," said the woman to her lover, "into the closet!" She bundled him in the closet stark naked. The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet. "Who are you?" he asked him. "I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone," said the exterminator. "What are you doing in there?" the husband asked. "I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths," the man replied. "And where are your clothes?" asked the husband.
The man looked down at himself and said, "Those little bastards!"
[{o}]: Hilarious!! Well, that's all the time we have today. Please tune in next time! Ap Taktiks will be on the show!!
The End
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