Heya folks, this is my first report, so take it easy on me. Oh wait, it's not my first report, is it? Take it easy on me anyway (ahem, Fox^1). I'm sure you all must be wondering about the title of this report. Well, I'm really not sure, but here goes:
My CD-Rom has been broken for damn near three months now. Three months. No StarCraft. Three months. Anyway, my cousin (I will use his StarCraft name, TheYomaMan), offered to let me come over to his house to play some StarCraft and possibly write a report. It's been three months since the last game I played. I'd kill to play again.
You'd be suprised to see what happens to your m4d l337 skillz after three months of non-play. They're all gone. All my l337 skillz, gone. Fearing the soiling of my SqueakyMonkey account, we (my cousin and I) created a new account, DJ_AssRape. This alter ego, DJ, has skillz far superior to anything that you have ever seen. This is his story:
Gayme 1"Ahhh!!!"
Well, this game looks respectable, let's join. Upon entering, we find Afro~King-3rd, Prince_Vegita53, RaguO'Ragula, and a quiet guy named computer sitting around. I pick terran to start off the first match with DJ_AssRape.
This is a custom map set on a space platorm which looks eerily similar to BGH. I begin shuffling mentaly through my BGH strats. I can turtle up and get battlecruisers, I can make many, many nukes, or I can do the coolest thing possible:
Well, I think you can all guess how this ends, so I'll just leave you with some amusing dialogue:
Gayme 2"I found him!"
For this one, I'm going to let my cousin take over, because he masterminded this fantastic game. I'm simply here to do the graphics and HTML. Here we go:
Hmm, ass whippin is almost the same as ass raping, I'm in. IN this game, on the traditional comp stomper map Blood Bath, we find FF9000, Bob123321, and that computer guy again. Ya know what, I swear that damn comp is following me. Anyways this game turned up to be a real nice one.
Now, the game starts somewhat normally, but then I decide to do some attacking on the "computer"...
Well, my partner finaly decided that I was really messed up. Since I kept on saying he was the computer, he took the liberty of telling me that I was the comp. This frightened me, so I told myself that if I was the comp they would be after me. So I took it upon myself to commit suicide...
After torturing brown for a little longer I took it upon myself to start with my buddy purple =]
Purple, I guess, had no sense of humor at all. To our dismay, he disconnected =[
Now really the game was really one big mess. Purple had disconnected and brown was a nervous wreck, from me and my "ally" the computer. At the time my current status for money was 41 minerals, no CC, and no SCV'S from all of them attacking brown's tanks, but i still had my two barracks and my factory. So I lifted off and started to fly to my buddy brown's base, who was still being attacked by Yellow.
This must have pushed my buddy right off the edge of Mt. Everest, because he went on a swearing spree and then surrendered like the homo he was. After this I decided my work as DJ_AssRape was completed and also quit, leaving the computer that I loved so dearly. So I guess this is so long from TheYomaMan. Hope you liked this report.
Gayme 3"Where's my CC?"
Squeaky here, taking the helm for the final report of the night. I hope you've enjoyed thus far. The final game in our series was perhaps the least funny, but still quite entertaining.
In this game waited Holy___Cow and ~Terra~Warrior. The game: Hunters. The object: To annoy those poor suckers to the breaking point. Was I ready? Oh yes.
To start off this spectacular game, I play it defensive, and lift my CC:
Where did it go? Maybe Cow knows:
Well, as long as it's there, I might as well check and see what's going on:
Uh, looks like they found me. ~Terra~'s base should give me shelter (Cow doesn't seem to be too pleased).
My CC continues to float towards ~Terra~'s base. I should be safe, right?
Ouch. Maybe not.
Conclusion
It has come to my attention that you guys seem to look down on backstabbing the poor "7 vs. 1" folks. I've done the next best thing, I've confused and iritated them. And I plan to do much, much more of it. Perhaps I can poop out a new report every month or so. Also, look for a new Warhammer report by mid next month. Hope you enjoyed!
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