3 Way FFA

Random text inserted to annoy you

Welcome to another battle report brougt to you by SCV~007! (thats me) I've had a hard time recently to find a good game to report. Maybe because I don't watch too many games :o

A few days ago however I ran into something that at first strook me as another dull Free For All between three pretty good players (hehe) but I soon realized that this was well worth my attention and worthy of the extreme honor to be presented by myself...

Ok so the random battle.net complaints are dealt with, you won't have to see another one of those in this report. Wait ...I'm not quite finnished with my complaints just yet. I have to tell all you people out there that keeps arguing with me about time zones (you know who you are :) that there is just one real time zone that the world should really be using and that's the one I'm in. So all you people set your watches to Greenwich Mean Time (GMT) +1. Got it?

Figured you wouldn't understand..grr..

Don't read the text above unless you...

1...have already read it

2...have no life and is not even pretending to have one

3...are a rater (see #2)

(Yeah I know I'm wasting your time, duh)

Music

It's time I try to invent something noone has done before as far as I know. In this report I let you readers choose the background song. Click the one you want to hear, or try them all (not at the same time though =). 

Oh and these are all Midi files because I don't want to upload big mp3 files on my slow modem. Midi works pretty good as background music though *cough*not*cough*.

Another thing... this is not important to the report but I figured you guys have too much free time on your hands and I just want to help you get rid of it...

Music comment #1: This is the intro of MacGyver.. know that program? It's this guy that builds a sattelite with a pocket knife on a regular basis. Well I just love the program and saw it when I was younger. I'm sure some of you have seen it too.

(I can play the entire intro of the program in my head. With tunes and all.) Recommended.

Music comment #2: This is the intro to Chip n Dale, the Walt Disney show. Yeah it's for kids but thats what you all are in my mental images ;). I don't really recommend this one..hehe.

Music comment #3: Ok this is just a joke. Click it and you'll know it. If you DONT know this song then please post about it in the comment section. I can't recommend this song 'cause that would give me a 3 rating. (Don't ask why I have this song on my comp)

Ok when you have tried the songs and selected the one you like if any, let's continue...

The report begins!

The players are...

Dialtone_ who has been an observer in some of my reports but never played in one, maybe he's afraid of it =)

Wangsonn who has played in two of my reports and won one of them.. he is known to win FFAs far too often, either because he is the devil or that he's good at SC. I'm voting for the latter.

MrPimp6913 who has also won one of my reports, also an FFA and has proved to be a decent (hehe) player. (I still think he won that FFA because he let his big brother play for 10 minutes)

Less important but still included: the observers!

SCV~007 the almight battle reporter of this game

(:+:_Omega_:+:) the not so battle reporting co-observer

The map is Aftershock! For your pleasure I included a bigass image of the map!t

(That's right kiddies, no Temple for you today)

Oh and I hope you can make out the player names ;). As you can see it's a 6 player map with naturals and only 4 other expansions in the form of islands.

*I guess you didn't need that description, but what the hell, I got lots of free time*

Wangsonn warps in a purple nexus at the top left location and after collecting some minerals orders his probes to construct a pylon, then two gateways and two more pylons.

MrPimp spawns as red zerg at the top right position and builds a spawningpool followed by an extractor and a hatchery at his natural expansion.

Dialtone spawns as white zerg in the middle right location. He starts with an early expansion to his natural and then a spawning pool.

Wangsonn quickly scouts both his opponents with a brave probe named ObiWan. Dialtone is the first to claim his natural and secures it with some sunkens and lings. MrPimp is a bit slower but unlike Dialtone he maynards a healthy amount of drones to begin mining at his natural as soon as the hatchery is done. 

When ObiWan the probe reaches Dialtones encampment he finds two sunkens and two lings there. Ack! One dead ObiWan.

Wangsonn tries to harass MrPimp with a probe and some zealots but he retreats as a sunken is morphing and some zerglings show up. He might have won the battle with big losses but it's FFA remember? He would be open to an attack by Dialtone if he did so.

Dialtone starts another hatchery at his natural now and MrPimp begins to tech towards..something. He builds lair as soon as his spawning pool is done and then a queens nest and a hive. Faaaast tech over in that zerg base. Apparently we're going to see some cracklings!

Wangsonn also wants his natural and secures it with six zealots before constructing a nexus there. He is pumping from two gateways and has a forge for upgrades. I'd like to see a toss who negates upgrades when playing versus two zergs.

Wangsonn warps in a cybernetics core now, and MrPimp's plan is beginning to show it's dirty face. Oh yeah, you're going to see some Ultras today!

*This is when I decide to report this game*

MrPimp attempts to morph a hatchery at the lower left position but this is soon discovered by a patrolling zealot who zealously digs into the flesh of the building with his psi-blades.

Dialtone shows off his excellect recon abilities and places a zergling to the middle left base, or more precisely to the crack beteween the middle left base and the middle left island expansion where it does absolutely no good.

*Come on Dialtone I'm hoping for you to win*

Dialtone is going for some mutalisks and has a spire up and running..err no it's just sitting there but you know what I mean. He starts his harassment plans by killing a stray overlord that MrPimp forgot about near Dialtone's base.

Upon seing the mutalisks MrPimp begins to make spore colonies in his two bases. He also sends a drone to the top middle island expansion. Wangsonn also feels the need to expand and sends a probe to the same island. The probe vs drone battle ensues, but sadly for Wangsonn a drone will kill a probe in 1on1 combat

. 

Dialtone expands to the middle left base now. As the hatchery finnishes Wangsonn sends a dropship there in order to attack, but a group of mutalisks end that threat and kill the shuttle with the troops inside.

Dialtone now has a large amount of mutalisks along with zerglings and hydralisks. He uses the mutas to harass his opponents at random locations, mostly their naturals. MrPimp has made a good amount of spores, but his drones can still be killed without the mutas taking serious casualties.

Wangsonn has produced templars, zealots and goons ( zealogoonars in WC3 language) for some time now and has them all gathered at his natural. An archon is also merged to deal with the mutas.

MrPimp now feels he has way too much troops on his hands and decides to use them in a naughty way. He loads his ultralisks into overlords and ships them southward.

Dialtone's main base has little defences, but a horde of mutas is soon called home to protect the hive cluster. It's impressing to see a pack of ultras raze a base, there's no stopping them.

Unfortunately for Dialtone his mutas killed the ultralisks way too slowly and his entire main base is destroyed. And as if this wasn't enough Wangsonn moves an assload of dragoons, zealots and templars to Dialtone's left expansion.

There is nothing Dialtone can do to stop the attack, so he moves a flock of mutas to Wangsonns natural which is only defended by some cannons. Wangsonn moves his army back to defend against the mutalisks after destroying the expansion, and decides to expand to the lower left base. On the ramp he constructs two cannons and a zealot volunteers for guard duty.

Do you think Dialtone is out of the game? He's not. A control group of mutas fly across the map and kills all the drones at MrPimps expansion, despite MrPimp's spore turtling.

Soon after that attack Dialtone expands to the lower right natural, and soon after to the main base. At this time both Wangsonn and MrPimp has their respective armies at their naturals, and they're only one screen away from each other. I think to myself: this is going to be messy. And then all hell breaks loose. About eight ultralisks and a control group of hydras charge the middle of the battlefield.

They are met by zealots and dark templars at first, but soon a templar cast a storm and then his comrades do the same, killing numerous zerg. This kind of slaughter can't be described good enough in words so look at the pretty pictures ;)

As you can probably see, the zerg are butchered badly. 

Both Wangsonn's bases are now mined out and he transferes a group of probes to his lower expansion. He is pumping units from five gatways now and has an impressive army stationed outside his natural, making MrPimp sunken up alot.

Wangsonn: scv

Wangsonn: im about to say something

Wangsonn: ss it

Wangsonn: here it comes

Wangsonn: PIMP IS A TURTLE

MrPimp may not agree to this, because he is loading some stuff into overlords. Wonder what it could be?

Like some people know I get gigatic amounts of screenshots when I observe games. This game I got 129 MB of screenshots :O. 

Pause time. When I get back to the game and resume Wangsonn is very mean to me.. *buuuu*.

Wangsonn: CLEAR SS SLOWER PLZ

Grrrrrr

Wangsonn starts a nexus at the lower left natural but he is forced to cancel it as a group of zerglings complements of Dialtone gets there. This was probably a recon force, and soon a larger army of hydralisks and mutas arrive and simply run the base down. 

Wangsonn has just started an attack on MrPimp, using gayweb to revoke MrPimp's turtling license. As his only expansion goes down he realizes that there is nothing he can do about it and continues the attack. Just as he is breaking through the last line of defence a pack of red overlords break the horizon at his main base! Ack!

One cannon is there for defence which lets the cracklings vreak havoc for a while until a group of DTs arive to the scene. Too bad no overlords were left behind :].

The army which has just killed MrPimp's natural now swings around to the south where Dialtone has massed his forces. The mass of dragoons, archons and templars now clash with the zerg horde. 

Storm kills hydras in large numbers. Telltale white lines on the minimap shows that there are reinforcements coming though, and zerg troops are morphed almost as fast as they are killed. Wangsonn pushes into Dialtone's natural before he is stopped by the never ending waves of troops. It's hard for him to resist the zerg as he has no income, so he must make the storms count.

As this battle is fought, MrPimp again decides to drop cracklings on Wangsonn's base. This time he is more successful since no protoss troops are anywhere near. The protoss base is looking more red that purple as the cracklings tear it apart, and Wangsonn can do nothing about it. He retreats his remaining troops from the battle with Dialtone to his natural, his last outpost.

Wangsonn: :D

Wangsonn: i got chobo'd by pimp

Wangsonn: 35265243 ling drop

MrPimp loads the lings up again and moves south along the left side of the map. He unloads at the lower left to kill an expansion attempt by Dialtone and then continues to Dialtones lower right expansion where he unloads on the natural. Dialtone sees the overlords before they are dropped, since he has an overlord at the lower middle island.

He can do little to stop the drop from occuring though, except he ensnares half of the overlords, making them drop slightly later.

Even though Dialtone has 30+ lings and hydras in that base, and he kills cracklings at a good rate, they still come out on top, killing the defending troops except for some mutas. The natural is razed, it's amazing how much damage those suckers can dish out. They're like sappers!

Dialtone manages to kill the dropped troops but MrPimp has been pumping like a madman back home, and a giant wave of cracklings are sent out, forming a wide line in the minimap. These lings swiftly destroy Dialtones natural expansion where he has all his tech buildings.

Wangsonn: dial getting raped

MrPimp: 3/3 owns

Almost all of Dialtone's buildings are razed but he won't give up ofcourse and builds a hatchery in some well hidden corner. He still has some mutas left.

MrPimp now turns with fury towards the protoss base ruled by an executor,called Wangsonn by his friends. He controls about 10 dragoons, 2 corsairs and a few DTs and zealots. He has now income and hence no reinforcements, but he might be able to hold the zerg off. Will Wangsonn be triumphant in the coming battle? Will the good overcome? Will the protoss emerge victorious in this hellish battle?

Ofcourse not. But some motherfuckers always try to ice-skate uphill. So what does he do? He attacks ofcourse. The dragoon army moves to the zerg main base, where about one gazillion of units are stationed. Dialtone informs him that there is a new zerg base at 10 o'clock, and in a chocking fashion Wangsonn decides to attack there instead.

The group of robotic dragoons dig into the zerg infestation, rather successfully too. Untill that gazillion troops start attacking his main base. Ouch. That was very unexpected :).

The tale ends here, unless you want me to give you te details of the end of the game. No..figure you didn't want that. Muahah I'm going to tell you anyway.

Stop reading here unless you...

1...have no life

2...are a rater (see #1)

3...chose the third background song (see #1 and #2)

The cracklings raze the protoss base, only interfered by a lone queen, casting her creepy green liquid on them.

In the mean time Dialtone has erected a fully operational base in the lower right! Yeah! Go Dialtone! Save the day!

Wangsonn has warped a few pylons near the middle left base to stay alive, and he has his last dragoons and templars there. To be exact he has 7 dragoons, 2 templars and 1 corsair.

Wangsonn: micro wars time

Haha. That will be necessary considering MrPimp has map control and overwhelming forces.

Despite very gosu micro he lost his troops and is out of the game :(. Don't feel too bad Wang..not many people can beat a zerg with total map control and almost unlimited rescources with 2 templars and some goons.

About 70 screenshots later Dialtone's base is overrun by MrPimp's forces with the aid of one gayweb cast by Wangsonn's surviving corsair. ROFL. 

MrPimp is thrilled to have won 3 out of 3 games in SCV~007 BRs. I'm too lazy to go see if he's right so I'll take his word for it.. hehe.

The Winner Is

(~drum roll~)

MrPimp6913

Yep that's it folks! You can go back to your knitting now.

Lessons Learned:

1. Wangsonn doesn't always win

2. I should use a differend font than Times New Roman, it's ugly

3. My background music sucks nuts. I know. I was fucking with ya.

4. Cracklings are very powerful

5. I have nothing to do with my spare time.

6. Starcraft > Diablo 2 (not a lesson learned but still true)

7. Seinfeld > all (look down)

8. Lessons learned has no place in my reports.

9. I should stop with text like in #8 and just stop writing lessons learned......

Beeep. Incoming transmission. All of you who are thinking of complaining about the lack of details in any period of the game: shut your hole. It's not easy to keep track of details when three players duke it out (in the middle of the night with no notes).

Oh and before you leave, listen to this piece of godly Seinfeld humor!

This was made by...