"isn't exodus a drug addicted high school dropout turned korean and former sex offender?"
-Persian
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| The Shared Base Manifesto of War - Volume 2 - Entrapment | | | Author: | | | IP: | px4cl.gvXXXX | | Date: | 12/10/00 07:12 | | Game Type: | Starcraft | | Labels: | none | | Report Rating: , # of Ratings: 1, Max: 8, Min: 8
Lifetime Rating for WindUpCommunist aka CynicalMagician: 7.6000 |  |
Note: You can see the previous Volume 1 of this series, Firebases, here.
Second Note: Like the previous volume, this BR does not have very many pictures of T_Mac naked. If you like this, great, but if you wanted a whole bunch of pictures of T_Mac naked then you should go read a Bobo BR, because I hear that he has a lot of pictures of T_Mac naked, both in his BRs and on his HD. And pasted on his walls in his room, in his locker, and he is rumoured to own a calendar of pictures of T_Mac naked. You're warned.
Channel clan ~nohunters is rarely a friendly place. Entire clans revolve around the humiliation of a KBK great, homophobia knows no limits, and people like Hawk.. have nothing better to do than hurl accusations of "NEWB!" and "GAY FAG!" across the room at the top of their lungs. Oh wait, if I'm speaking of people like Hawk.., then it would be accusations of "Tachyonic galactica mandelbrot waveform pikachu rocket launcher facial!!" and "Ultra-tudoresque Morivvis principle I heart manboobies!!" Regardless, it isn't a very friendly place. Therefore, in my quest for consolation, I decided to join another Shared Base game, where I figured I would be able to find people with the interest of others in their hearts.
I decided that I would try my hand on the latest and greatest version of Shared Base, that is, "Shared Base Anti-Rush System". When I saw this name I figured that there would be one of two anti-rush systems implemented. My first thought was that it would be an island map, an idea which the game creator discounted by stating, "It's not islands." My second thought was that there would be a message at the start of the game, perhaps in the briefing, advising players not to rush. This too proved false though, as I realized that it was created as a melee game. What could the anti-rush system be? The best the creator could do to put my mind at ease was say, "Trust me."
Before I found out what the system was though, we needed a full house. Luckily for us, seigekiller2000 showed up as the sixth person in the game, and the stage was set. While he downloaded the map I asked him a quick question.
The first order of business once we entered the game was to hang our heads in dismay and KingKarnage dropped from the game. I suppose we should have been tipped off by his frantic cries of, "I ONLY SEE FIVE!! I ONLY SEE 5!!!!" as the countdown ticked by, but unfortunately we weren't, and so we ended up in a 3v3 with only 5 players. Headstrong and full of the optimism of youth, we decided to play it out. I was on the short handed team, partnered with LuckyJohnson83 who had drawn Terran. I had randomed to Protoss. We switched on Allied Chat and prepared our empires for construction.
I had decided almost as soon as I was in the game that I would need to tech up to the top of the tree in order to win this match, as 2v3's are difficult. The top of the Protoss tech tree, I reasoned, is the Arbiter Tribunal, so I followed a build order that was something like: stuff, stuff, stuff, 7 stargates, arbiters, yay. I did get upgrades though, because no upgrades are for fags, and I, my friend, am not a faggot.
(Editor's Note: I discovered the anti-rush system when I sent a probe out to scout. A single line of minerals, each containing 100 crystal, was placed across the chokepoint, thereby preventing any ground unit from passing. Clever.)
Now, the arbiter tech tree is a long one, and so by the time my first arbiters had been built I had already reached 1:1:1 with both spells researched. I expanded several times, claiming 6 more gas nodes, and raised the bar of my production facilities to include a whooping 12 stargates, all producing arbiters. Within but a few short minutes I had 24 of the ominous flyers. With a strange sense of energy accompanying me, I goaded my armada towards the opposing beaches. After massing offshore, I headed in.
A titanic wall of cannons forced my arbiters to make like rabbits and hurry the fuck up, and through some amazing aerial dodging, they managed to traverse the skies above the cannons to the skies just behind the cannons. Where they found more cannons. And more. And then a little gap for stargates, and then more cannons. Something was going to have to change. OPEN FIRE MY ARMY OF DARKNESS! OPEN FIRE!!!
I don't know if you've ever seen 24 arbiters attack at once, but I'll tell you, it's some scary shit. 1 volley of 13 damage photon death eliminates a cannon with overkill, and the same goes for Dragoons. 2 vollies destroys a scout, and whenever there is too many troops for comfort, stasis can hold them in place just like those bondage dorks you see on TV. (Editor's Note: Alternate line: like a glance from POA's mom (seeing as she's Medusa)). It's magic to watch.
With my attack in full sway and my opponents being forced to shinny their small numbers of troops through the cracks in the buildings in order to attack me, I was laughing manically. Chortling with the glee that occurs when you see a plan come to bloom, I picked off a cybernetics core here, a stargate there, a cannon there, and then I decided, hey, why not go for the gold. It was Nexus smashin' time. I headed to the closest pyramid that I could see and began pounding on the shields. Probes were stasis'ed for no good reason, and after yelling, "GO GO POWER RANGERS!" to no one in particular, I cheered as the Nexus exploded. I moved on.
Moved on, right out into the open, where a pack of angry dragoons were waiting. Trouble has arrived, my friends. I tried to stasis them, honestly I did, but there were too many. My arbiters began dying. Even 3:3:3 can't beat Dragoons at everything. But I fought on, oh how I fought on. I fought like a real man should, I took the heat, but I didn't give in.
Actually, the truth of the matter is that I fled my Arbiters back into the Nexus zone like a school girl, hoping that the probes and minerals would get in the way of the Dragoons, and I would be safe, even for but a minute. My kingdom for a templar. Of course, even a templar wouldn't have helped against what came next, that is, mass scourge. Oh, and some enemy templar, and an enemy arbiter which stasis'ed my arbiters. The irony of it all. The end result? More painful than 25 different STD's (not that I'd know...*shifty eyes*). No Arbiters for me. But alas, I had 12 stargates back home, along with the formidable sum of 16000 minerals and 12000 gas. Plenty to build a new army.
Of course, what I hadn't bet on was the fact that my base was gone. Apparently my partner, in his infinite wisdom, had decided to go 2 port wraiths... for the whole game. And as we all know, even cloaked, 12 wraiths do not beat ~60 hydras with ling support. These are, of course, the ~60 hydras that brown decided to attack me with even though he KNEW that I was busy attacking him. Can you believe that? I can't either. Anyway, I did have about 6 arbiters waiting at home, so I decided to try and push the envelope of pubbie stupidity and hold off a Zerg army with stasis and probes.
It didn't work.
With my hopes dashed against the jagged shoreline of logic, I left the game, my eyes dripping young tears. Let this be a lesson to you. Arbiters are useless.
The battle report you just read was a prime example of how NOT to use Arbiters on offence. However, you can learn just as much by being told what not to do as being told what you should do. The proper way to attack with Arbiters will be summed up right here.
Step 1: Find a target. Groups of units numbering between 12 and 30 are best, preferably in a tightly knit clump.
Step 2: Stasis the enemy with two groups of arbiters, one approaching from each side.
Step 3: Use one of your arbiters to recall probes to the location. Build pylons every few tiles in a circle around the stasis'ed troops, as in this picture.
Step 4: Once the pylons warp in, build cannons everywhere surrounding the stasis'ed troops. At some point the stasis will wear off, but no worries, just cast it again. After all, you've got ~10 arbiters on duty. By the way, the number of cannons you need is proportional to the number of enemy troops. There is no need then, to build 20 cannons around one confused civilian. This isn't to say that you can't, it's just not needed.
Step 5: Wait until stasis wears off, and then slam back a shot of pure rubbing alcohol to prove that you're a manly man!
Optional Step: 5B: Try not to go blind after taking a shot of rubbing alcohol.
This of course is very hard to accomplish, and also very expensive. However, the morale damage that it does to your opponent, as well as the humiliation they suffer from any observers present is well worth the cost. And with that, a toast! To the future!
Fight on, brave soldiers, fight on!
What is this series culminating in? You can only guess my friends, only guess....
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